THE WORLD IS GONNA EAT WHAT THE CAPTAIN HAS COOKING
I AM SO FRACKIN MAD AT THIS BLOG CONSTANTLY CRAPPING ON MY BRO, MY BRA JONAH G
GUESS WHO EATS IT???
FIRST OFF THREE FRACKING BULLS. PLOVER. UC. PINKO PUNKO. ALL FOUND AT ONE GODFORSAKEN PLACE, THREE BULLS- NO I”M NOT GOING TO LINK THEM. THIS WOULD MERELY BE WASTING TRAFFIC ON SWINE. I CAST NOT MY PEARLS.
ALSO, JONAH HATERS JUAN COLE, SADLY NO, THE EFITODEEDTIROS, SIFU TWEETY, DAVE NEIWERT AT ORC-ANUS, LIEBERAL CHOADS EZRA KLEIN, MATTHEW YGLESIAS, ATRIOS, BLOG HATERS UNFOGGED AND COUNTLESS OTHERS SLAPPERS LIKE JOHN STEWART
JONAH GOLDBERG HAS SUBCONSCIOUSLY ASKED ME TO RESPOND TO THIS CONSTANT GUM FLAPPING AND CLAPTRAPPING FROM THE LIBERAL BLOGOSPHERE ABOUT THINGS THEY ARE TOO SUPIDO TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE RUBBING TWO NEURONS TOGETHER ABOUT. HE HAS REMAINED ABOVE THE FRAY WHILE TASKING ME TO BATTLE RAP YOUR ASS LIKE IT HAS NEVER BEEN BATTLE RAPPED BEFORE. CONSIDER YOURSELF CAP’N SLAPPED CHUMPS
U R 3 BULLS
U R 3 BULLS
NAH NAH NAH NAH
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MY WORDS BELOW THE FOLD FOR THOSE TOO LAZY TO LISTEN TO MY GLORIOUS MP3 RIGHT ABOVE. I FORGOT TO RIP THE CRAP OUT OF OTHER LIBERAL STUFF LIKE CANADA, AND 3B COMMENTERS. GET A BRAINS AT THE BRAINS STORE MORANS AND TRY TO LISTEN TO THIS BEFORE YOU TRY TO AND FAIL TO READ BECAUSE YOU DON:T KNOW HOW
Pinko Punko and the Three Bulls
where are the rest of them?
you’re totally fools of it
your blog don’t get much hits
about as many as my daily shits
and i’m constipated
so much so I can’t anticipate
when the next one’s coming
‘cept that it will look like you
a stinky poo
a cashewy nutlog of no consequence
your stupid blog doesn’t even have a conference
I have to admit
you guys are better
than yglesias and klein
two obnoxious tastes together
wonder twin pundits
unite in the form
of a talking mime
completely ridiculous and
french to the core
your socialism’s a total bore
here comes my smackdown
and its not even a chore
me and jonah g
together like cheetos and the chedditor
what?
you thought I was gonna say editors?
bringin you the liberal fascism
climbin up the charts
like monster mashism
the original godzilla
you got nothing sadly, no
not even mothra farts
john stewart
exposed JG to his bad breath
dave neiwert
tried to bore JG to death
they are nothing but gigantic remora
I’m striking them down
like Saddam
and Gomorrah
Dropping them into a Baathist spider hole
Chopping them into slaw like Professor Cole
A gigantic michigan cabbage
my beatdown is so savage
he was too afraid to bet with us
his best friend is sink lettuce
Three Bulls,
Shmeebulls
So frackin feeble
Fallin’ down on the job
like some square-assed weebles
oh please
not the wanker of the day
a blogger named atrios coming to play
he deleted me from his blogroll
a trollypants national holiday
when he tries to swing he’s gonna miss
I need a microscope to deliver this diss
what?
he looks so tiny!
i’m squishing his head
right now!
i’d would you know,
rather
read 500 atrios comments
one word, FRIST and stupid
than the incessant blather
the lazy intellects in a lather
a narcissism so dogged
you knew I was talking about
unfog–oh hey Sifu
can you tell me?
why you start crying?
getting all in a mush?
everytime you play Rush?
oh hello
is that UC?
maybe
welcome to the dog house
arf
seems likes he’s not around to see
probably getting spanked by AG
what did he do this time?
color outside the line?
I think Glenn Greenwald
is paid by the word
his posts hurt my scrolly finger
reminding me of some e-mails from a bird
spindly legs walking on the shore
gigantic intellect making me snore
bulls are lucky to have plover make them look so smart
although thats not hard
at least its a start
R U not men?
U R not men
UR 3 bulls
doot doot doot doot
UR 3 Bulls
could your page
take any longer to load?
if my load took that long
I’d be a champion
unlike you
and your tiny peepees
grind you up for chinese medicine
more useful than the poop you peddlin
UR 3 Bulls
UR 3 Bulls
UR 3 Bulls
UR 3 Bulls
Sad, CT. Just sad.
I’m too mad right now to even see straight.
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THREE TOOLZ!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!! BURNZERZ ON YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If Private Jockstrap Johnson, Major Shortsniffer, Rear Admiral Tubesock or Captain Drollpanties comment on this post (for reals) I pledge one quality post a week for the rest of the year.
How did I know Cap’n T would sound like Cheech or is it Chong?
Colouring outside the linex?!! LLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL. UC IN TROUBLE!!!1 Poor UC!!!!!!!!1!
I GOT YOU”RE BACK TROLLYPANTZ!!!!!!1
I think you spelled Bulls wrong.
I cannot believe I’m being attacked on my log, but a total cob logger.
It sounds like you stole that beat from the Pointer Sisters, Capt. Trollypants.
Try Devo, J-
Tha Capt has mixed his very bad taste in rhymes with a very good taste in samples. All I can say is that he is going DOWN. HOW DARE HE.
WE MUST DEFEND
Ah, thanks, Pinko. The opening bars gave me a “Neutron Dance” vibe.
I’ve just encouraged Brad of Sadly, No! to strike back. A battle rap cannot go unanswered!
J-
do you think Trollypants got the drop on us, I mean do you think his response is better than our initial salvo???
I will admit that trollyass brought the heat. Now he htinks he is ghostface killah- he ain’t even ghost mellon!
I got skillz.
this is the most awesome thing I have ever heard.
No. more than the most awesome. it is TEH AWESOEM!!!!!!1!11!
THEY ARE MOCKING US AT SADLY, NO, FM> ASSHAT
THEY GOT NOTHING!!!!221!21
Chris Gaines? Is that you?
Don’t sweat the TP, Pinko. The captain ain’t nothing but a hater who’s bitten off more than he can spew.
He just knows how to get under my skin. I gotta shake it off.
Jason Mattera is way more gangsta than you Captain or PP or anyone at Sadly, No!
DUDE!!!!1 I NOES, BUT they have blocked Sadyl NO as PRON hear at work. BLACKWATER Will pay – stoopid liebrul management!!!1
THEY ARE MOCKING US AT SADLY, NO, FM> ASSHAT
THEY GOT NOTHING!!!!221!21
Speaking of the discussion at Sadly, No!, I am now reminded of Aretha Franklin’s “Who’s Zooming Who.”
Who’s zooming who! I can hear it now. Time for to dig the You Tuber!!!
The underground sensation of blog battle rap reached its zenith with the release of “Constipation 9″ from the self-titled album Captain Trollypants, ( commonly referred to as The Brown Album). It’s reverbed, robotic, droning vocal and rhythmn harkens back to Kraftwerk, while the lyrics capture the feel of a young, vibrant Adam Yoshida masturbating to old segregation editorials in the National Review. The track’s endless length symbolizes the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, climaxing in the horrific realization that the tunnel is actually a chunnel whose end can only lead to France. It is the sound of paradigms and history and facts being turned upside down by cutesy book covers and the relentless raping of common sense while wearing the broken condom of intellectual history. Essential.
I believe the only appropriate response is this.
I am seriously crushing on All Music Guide.
Nice, Men D-
I SAW YOU MAMA IN THE BACK OF TACO BELL WITH HANDCUFFS- hee
it’s amazing that Capt. Trolly had so many samples of Pinko’s voice to work with!
This is awesome, maybe borehole will release rights to words of wisdom(tm):
–went through the 3B! archives best I could, which did not serve to clarify matters, as my native tongue is English–
What? my voice isn’t made up of 1000 weird accents.
This post is frigging schmeably feable in length, not even half-an-asswang.
the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel, climaxing in the horrific realization that the tunnel is actually a chunnel whose end can only lead to France.
laughing. so .hard…
I HEART CAPT TROLLY
WILL YOU HAVE MY BABY?
The Editors is in. A potential battle royal looms. Perhaps this is want Capt. Trollypants wanted all along. Could he be thinking four, five steps ahead of the rest? Soon we’ll see who’s the player, who gets played, and who are the player haters and hatresses.
The hatresses are the ones to watch out for. Trollypants. What an ultra troll. Also, I see Sifu is still down for the count. SAD. I’m gonna hook him up.
When is the New Trollypants EP featuring Annie Angel gonna hit the shelves?
Sifu lives but Charlie and Asshat have him pinned to the mat.
Ladies and gentlemen, let’s give it up for the Cap’n, the modern day Kate Smith.
GOD BLESS AMERICA SUCKERZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think it’s great — like the second coming of Wesley Willis.
Im convinced.
I’m changing sides.
CT has me mesmerized!
(but JG I can still do without)
A new MC Hammer is born.
Or at least Vanilla Ice. Vanilla Trollypants. Wev.
Mark Mothersbaugh is contacting NY Law Firm.
Chopping them into slaw like Professor Cole
Now, that’s pretty fucking funny.
wow… just wow.
are you retarded?
you are not helping our cause with this moronic stuff. Please grow up.
WOW- what cause is that? Capt. T is at CPAC today, and if he weren’t he’d kick your ass, redtex. What, are you pissed about the Big Texas Cinnamon Roll? Sorry to mess with Texas, dude!
Needs more cowbell.
…and spell-check.
The singer sounds like Milton from Office Space.
Sadly, No battle rap responses from Brad or The Eds. I think we have to admit M. le Pantalon des Trolls(ou peut-être “des Nains de Jardin”? Oh yes, precious, we likes it.) has prevailed.
Too late from stopping him from podcasting. This is gonna be bad.
CAPSLOCK IS CRUISE-CONTROL FOR COOL!
……….. defending The Mighty Pantload means your IQ is showing.
In this case, that’s NOT a good thing.