Mysteries of the World…

Why is there always lettuce in the bathroom sink at work? It is grossing me out. Little pieces of lettuce. Not obviously chewed.

I have subsequently, in typing this post, identified a possible hypothesis, but lean towards sinister lettuce conspiracy instead.

41 Responses to “Mysteries of the World…”


  • I sense lettuce stem cells coming on…

  • I suspect the involvement of the Council on Foreign Romaine.

  • Oh, that’s mine. Sorry. I’ll try to be more careful next time.

  • I went to a barbershop once and there was a turtle in the sink. It belonged to someone who worked there, and apparently it was bring-your-slimy-amphibious-pet-to-work day.

    It was a small one, thankfully. It kept trying to get out but slipped each time, and made quite a racket. It bit me.

    As for the lettuce, it may in fact be the MORTAL REMAINS of said turtle. You may make whatever conclusions necessary.

  • I sense lettuce stem cells coming on…

    Lettuce made from pork. BRILLIANT!

    Pettuce. Lettork.

    Still, getting it into the sink is a mystery. Was the sink a bioreactor in a past life?

  • All I can think of are bad knock knock jokes.

  • No, I’m serious. Every day. Lettuce. In the sink. Somewhat wet. Not fitting down the drain. I’m getting sick just thinking about it.

  • um

    do emus eat lettuce? if so i think you have a stalker

  • In the next episode of 3Bulls!:

    Pinko Punko fights against the evil Emu Conspiracy and the agents of R.A.T.A.T.O.U.I.L.L.E.*

    See! Pinko Punko fight with wit and style!

    Hear! The battles in Mighty Porkotronic Stereo Sound!

    Smell It! Courtesy of J. Water’s Smellovision!

    Eat It! With chunder and bran!

    *Rarely Awesome Totalitaran Agents OF Universal Incredibly Lame Loser Emus

  • You’ve got an unaccounted-for ‘T’ in there.

    Some genius.

  • By all that is holy, KILL IT BEFORE IT BREEDS.

  • Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Lettuce?

    Lettuce who?

    Sink lettuce.

    F***ING GROSS!

  • I think that’s not quite right, Pinkster:

    Knock knock.

    Who’s there?

    Lettuce?

    Lettuce who?

    LETTUCE BREED AND WE WILL CONSUME YOUR WORLD. WAIT, DID I SAY THAT OUT LOUD?

    Oh yes, sodden sink lettuce, yes you did and we will not let you get away with your dastardly plot.

  • You should just hire AG’s CMO. The last time someone used the sink as a disposal she got her admin to write and post quite the sign. Whoever was guilty hasn’t done it since. How’s that for service with a smile?! For a mere $15, AG can put you in contact with her.

  • Isn’t that how Day of the Triffids began? One leaf, next thing you know, you’re bowing down before a big salad.

  • Or maybe someone just likes to eat taco bell while in the sh*tter…

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    While in Granville island in Vancouver with AG, we went to the public markets and bought these unbelievably fresh and delish Rainier cherries. Since I needed to eat them in the first 0.05 milliseconds of purchase, and since they were covered with twigs, leaves, and other remnants of their freshedness, I went to the bathroom and rinsed the cherries in the sink. I looked with great guilt at the drain to see all the botanical wastes I had left behind. These things happen.

    In other words, the most likely explanation is that immediately adjacent to your workplace, there must be a public market where every day somebody buys lettuce, and needing to consume it anon washes it in the bathroom sink. QED.

  • Excuse me UC, but that was a ‘washroom’. You spent more than enough time at immigration the other day to know that you are not welcome to speak American.

    Oh, and D-unit bought Rainer cherries from the farmer’s market at Copley on Tuesday. So, you can get them in Boston.

  • In all honesty, I think we know that is some OCD suffering munchwad that can’t stand their lunch tupper to be bespotted with lettuce for one second more than is necessary. Listen, salad guy, enough with the sink lettuce, it is grossing me out.

  • Sink lettuce? Barf all you want, we’ll make more.

    Want some? [smack]

    NOTE: that’s a sound effect from a scene in Daddy-O. I was not offering you free smack.

    Actually, if you, want, I’ll give, you a, smack.

    Damn. Marie Jon’ typed this for me.

  • My association with bits of lettuce being flung about with abandon is the roommate I had who kept an iguana. Are there any secret iguanas being kept in / spying on / running your lab?

  • Maybe somebody wants to save water at home so they scrub their greens at work.

  • An Agent of R.A.T.A.T.O.U.I.L.L.E.* must have infected my post!

    *Rarely Awesome Totalitaran Agents Toiling Of Universal Incredibly Lame Loser Emus

  • Have you considered that maybe vegetable man sneaks into your work bathroom everyday to shave. I mean, he’s vegetable man.

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    I think it’s almost certain that a secret iguana is running Pinko Punko’s lab. A secret iguana might also best explain why I have the sensation of always being followed and spied upon. Curse you secret iguanas!!212111@!!!!2

  • UC, you know who is following you about and it has a tail, but it’s not that kind of four legged creature.

  • Oh great. Now iguanas are going to get the emu treatment and for three to six weeks everyone will be calling a bunch of assheads emus.

    Well, not I and certainly not other people on indeterminate origin or nature.

  • Excellent site,Thanks for this great post – I will be sure to check out your blog more often.Just subscriped to your RSS feed..

  • I, for one, welcome our SPAM OVERLORDS for reminding us all of the terror that is sink lettuce.
    ~

  • I can tell you spent plenty of research on this, and you did a good job. Persojnally, I would have gone a bit deeper, but you got me thinking anyway.

  • So apparently the spammers are now trolling for “That’s what she said” comments. This is only somewhat unsettling.

  • Pinko has actually done years of research on sink lettuce.

    funniest comment ever?

  • Concern spam troll is mean

  • Looking forward to reading more of your articles. very interesting.

  • how does Yahoo! rank sink lettuce? I for one want to know.

  • I think Web Design Company Boston Affordable Cheap Custom Website Design is gilding the lily here.

  • I want to subscribe to your newsletter

  • K- someone at LGM had the best version of that RE: some Paulbot troll comment:

    “Your ideas are intriguing and I want to subscribe to your racist newsletter”

    So killed it. Like front page of the Chundermuffington Post.

  • I just LOLed so hard I snorted

  • When Goob does anything with force she sometimes toots.

  • For instance, resisting holding of hands?

    (If that is still a thing.)
    ~

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