The Story (Abridged Version):
- Chuckles meets Tucker Carlson.
- Chuckles blogs Tucker Carlson.
- Tucker Carlson throws tantrum.
- Chuckles loses job.
Well, it looks like Pinko has done the heavy lifting in analyzing this exercise in pique from Dances With Bowtie (the quantity of lifting being all the more impressive in that he did not even have to move Chuckles’s wang — plus he works dirt cheap), but I thought I would add my comments on the situation. (Others attempts to plumb the depths of Tucker Carlson’s shallowness: teh l4m3, Clif.)
Without more detail as to what Tucker said, it’s hard to know what he was really thinking. Was there some specific part of Chuckles’s post that caused this reaction? Or was it the cumulative combination of a package mentioning his address, frozen urine treats, and NAMBLA? (That last being in comments.) Was he perhaps worried that Chuckles was trolling for a tabloid that might want to pay him for a list of Tucker’s rental choices — especially if he was renting Debby Does Dalmatians IX: Sore Spots or something? Though how stupid you’d have to be to rent that kind of thing under your own name when you’re a TV personality is fairly unfathomable. (I mean you just know there’s some outfit with a name like “Home Solutions, Inc.” that provides porn to celebrities with guaranteed confidentiality. At some mysteriously defined point, a star receives the HS business card from their agent — who never finds out if it gets used — and no one ever asks anyone else if they’ve heard of it. Plus, their materials are so non-descript, you could find their DVD’s in someone else’s house and not know that’s what they were, even if you had been ordering them yourself.)
How many childish taunts have been written about Tucker on the internet? (Not to mention that he’s had the special distinction of having been called a “dick” on national television — a moment also enshrined on the internet.) How difficult, really, would it be to find out his address? Plus: how easy would it be for some joker in Vladivostok to claim that Tucker Carlson came into his video store? (I’d make a joke here about me working at his pharmacy or hairdresser or something, except I don’t want some poor soul to get fired if he takes it seriously — given that, fortunately, I have never encountered the guy without the blessed intermediary of a video screen.)
I seriously doubt he has a legal leg to stand on — which, of course, doesn’t prevent him from making life miserable (and expensive) for the video store.
And what harm does Tucker think Chuckles’s post could cause him that isn’t caused by thousands of others, including many by much more prominent people like Wolcott? Does he really see it as a veiled threat? Even after saying that releasing his address would be “wrong and stupid”? How difficult would it be to dig up way scarier obsessional drool on any number of other celebrities? Given what celebrities say about their fan mail, most (if not all) of them get far more sick — and more credibly threatening — letters every week. Is this just right wing paranoia? I suspect it would be illuminating to find out what antics his fear-laden brain has gone through on this as it would unsurprising if it showed just how disconnected from reality he is. It would also be interesting to know whether that disconnection might derive most from his privileged background, the conservative victim mentality, or his big media cocoon.
About the only thing that I can think of as coming close to suggesting a threat is the line: “I will also not be running around ordering 10,000 copies of America: The Book and having it sent to his place even if that would be more awesome than frozen urine treats for his home.” In the right light, if you stand back far enough and squint a lot, you might be able to interpret that as implying that “frozen urine treats” would be winging their way to Tucker’s doorstep, as in: why send a truckload of Jon Stewart when peeing in an ice cube tray is so much cheaper and the margin of awesomeness so small? Though even if that interpretation had occurred to Tucker — and he found it plausible (!) — the distinct non-entry into his life of whizzsicles in the time since the post was made might have told him something.
Could he be concerned that a google search for “tucker carlson nambla” will turn up a hit? News flash: it gets 1200 — including at least one from his own show. And it’s not like conservatives haven’t been inviting teh tacky jokes given the number of sexual predators (pedophilic and otherwise) they elect and appoint, not to mention their obsession with NAMBLA. Does he not pay any attention to the media he works for?
The most serious detail in the post is perhaps AG’s suggestion in comments to troll for kids and give out Tucker’s number. However, there isn’t the remotest suggestion that anyone would seriously consider doing this.
Should Chuckles have just kept his mouth shut? Possibly. But when a well known person patronizes someone’s place of work, that person is pretty likely to tell their friends about it. Anyone obsessive enough to derive any meaningful information from Chuckles’s post probably didn’t need the post to find that information.
So, what was the real trigger? Did some random detail hit close to home? The dude can’t possibly track down and threaten everyone who says something stupid about him online.
So, Mr. Tucker Carlson: If this isn’t just you throwing a hissy ’cause you can, you should let people know exactly what your beef is. If there’s some real issue here we’re missing, we want to know. We live in the real world where a lot of people actually give a shit about causing real damage to other people’s lives — even for undeserving twerps like you. However, if the problem here is you can’t take a joke, or you think we’re “uncivil”, or you get some kind of satisfaction from kicking around some poor shmoe working in a video store, then you’re just being an arrogant asshole, and deserve everything you get, as you have, yourself, now done real damage to someone’s life. Also, swatting an unknown blogger and getting that person fired is pretty stupid as all their friends start writing about the incident, or they start shouting about it on DailyKos — and pretty soon thousands of people have another reason for thinking you a petty, vindictive bully, instead of a dozen people thinking you have a video account.