What is this blog aboot?

[Note: This likely brief but possibly informative guide to Three Bulls! is presented to you translated into Canadadian! We do this to show our openness to ideas like socialised moose curling, and to show the extreme latitude of the Three Bulls! mission — which is much greater than, say, 29.451°N.

The latitude at Three Bulls! is so extreme that we originally intended to translate this guide into walrus. However, our tireless Quality Control division has informed us that, diverse as our audience is, it does not actually include any walrus, and that such a translation would thus be a betrayal of our guiding principle of always striving to increase the degree of comprehensibility we provide to our readers. We would, also, like to take this opportunity to announce that we are accepting applications for the position of Walrus Outreach Coordinator.]

A Three Bulls! commenter, simultaneously intrepid and straining to keep his eyes open, recently asked what Three Bulls! was aboot. He has been reading this blog for, oh, blog-eons at least, so we are a little confused as to why he would ask aboot this.

First, we thought we would provide some examples of things Three Bulls! is not aboot:





So, having seen these excellent examples of non-Three Bullness, our wonderful readers will, no doubt, be able to easily deduce what Three Bulls! actually is aboot. We have great trust in our readers’ discernment and judgment.

This guide to Three Bulls! was prepared by Three Bulls, Inc., a subsidiary of Three Bulls, LLC. Three Bulls! does not now, nor has it ever, accepted money from the Phylogenetically Confused Organism Strategy Group.

Has your Three Bulls! experience been all you expected? Our comment system is open 24 hours a day except when the server randomly goes down, or Southern California falls into the sea, which is really another way of the server randomly going down. The server could also go down by leaping from the cliffs at Big Sur, but recent obedience training software has done wonders in cutting down on such incidents.

Are you a walrus? Contact us for more details on the Delicious or Disgusting? Sea Cucumber of the Month Club™.

28 Responses to “What is this blog aboot?”

  • excuse me, but I only participate in moose curling that is guided by the invisible hand.


    Hey, didn’t Ozzie Osbourne take a wiz on the Alamo once?

    Good times.

  • And now for something completely different.

  • Provisional Walrus Outreach Coordinator

    Goo goo gajoob?

  • 3 Bulls! needs as much gay as it has Canadianness. Otherwise Jenny Lewis and The Knife are coming to kick your ass.

  • AG would say we have plenty of that, I remain doubtful. Besides birds, it is possible that we are underrepresented in several demographics.

  • Did you just attempt to use “birds” as a misogynistic slur??? You are so busted! I’m using exclamation points and my link to Res’s place for this!!!

  • WHat about p-lova!??

  • plova is forgiven.


  • teh is just doing this to tempt me, right?

    So I’ll be all “Oh, you’re misreading Pinko.”

    And he’ll be all “Of co-ourse. He-lloo. So, run along and play with your walrus.”

    And I’ll be “What? I don’t know any walrus!”

    And he’ll be “Don’t think I didn’t see you looking at that walrus. Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing putting up notices about walrus at 3B! You are just so obvious.”

    “Well, meow, to you too, honey. You’re just saying that because you had to pull Tara Reid out of the ditch by yourself. I told you why I never saw your call.”

    “Oh yes, those investigators were just keeping you so busy. How many times did they take you to” *big air quotes* “look under the Boardwalk?”

    “You know that’s not what happened. You know I wouldn’t…”

    “I know you would and I know what I saw you with, walking about wing in flipper. How long do you think it takes to pull Tara Reid out of a ditch? So, what about all those secret trysts you were off to a week before, with, oh, what was the name?”

    “Paul? But the walrus was Paul. He/she/it/pinniped wanted help hiding. They want to deport him/her/it/pinniped! Do you know what Homeland Security did to the last walrus they caught? Oh, you never understand…” *runs out*

    *sigh* “See how they run. Last time it was a penguin. And what happened? The penguin ended up singing Hare Krishna. I somehow doubt this will turn out much better.”

  • yeah, pwn up to ur h8, teh L$M#!

  • Oh, and to those who are more accustomed to penguins singing “Hairy Fishnuts”, this is actually a different penguin. It’s quite elementary really.

  • except my brother, he eats peanut butter.

  • That penguin looked more like a puffin.

    which means pinko must look somewhat like a carrot.

  • What the hell is that last thing? Pants? 12-dimensional pants with yellow stripes?

  • I thought it was celery or a eunuch.

  • Prayer pimples for hairy fishnuts!

    I think those might be Yosef’s pants. He’s what we call high waisted.

  • For the record, and in defence of my Canadian colleagues (uncanny or otherwise), plover misunderstands the sacred rites of curling. Moose are not generally involved, except in the more northern latitutes where curling can be played outdoors throughout the year, or we get hungry. There are, to the best of my knowledge, no rules to the game which address this, but I suspect that the CCA is already working to make it a royal pain in the ass, or in the hack, to be relevant.

    However, by convention, on the third day of a tournament or bonspiel (the beer-induced Ordeal of Early Rising), there is technically permission given for the presence of polar bears, or at least the implication through the presence of Kahlua or similar at the coffee stand. Not so much a hair of the dog as a bear of the hog, if I may be permitted to indulge an odious curling pun.

    Also, that graphic above clearly represents the model used for all calculations to determine the quantity of ass in any given post on this website. In the present instance, we are off the charts.

  • well, that doesnt matter GS, because he seems to be invisible and leaves intangible comments.

  • Mendacious D:

    I sort of figured that if the curling stone crop fails in particular year, and people get desperate they would probably use whatever was at hand — which would likely be a moose. The CCA may try to define the dimensions of sheet so that in order to use moose it would be necessary for each moose to balance while its hooves were scrunched into a small overall footprint and its legs tied together. It’s really much easier to use a larger sheet more suitable to moose-sized objects.

    The other possibility is that there are moose wandering around with fluffy ringlets paid for by Canadian tax dollars.

  • Actually, we have a special polish for their hooves which makes them appropriately frictionless. The problem with the moose-sized sheets is that the moose have a tendency to fall through them. Also, to charge when they are sufficiently enraged. It can get quite messy.

    I may need to do some faux-photoshop work to render the measurements of the sheet to a useful size. Bring out the Gimp! 2.0!

  • Someone said something about beer?

  • I don’t know what MenD has against the Polish.

  • The Alamo looks so awesome all huge like that. No wonder Ozzy honored it with his pee.

  • I used to wonder what this blogué was aboot.

    Then I figured, hey-ho, go with the flow.

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