You want the pimped out Take 5, doncha.
Come on. The half-ass way is to buy all the stuff and then shove it in the pantry.
I can never make you happy.
Note that Republic of Dogs has 5 million posts the last two days. They are on an “up.” Sushi and donuts will do that to you.
Oh wait, that was us. Frack.
There’s nothing better for bloggers than to have a big project to procrastinate on. Procrastrination-based blogging is highly productive.
RAMEN!
That’s all I do.
Did you say something? I have all these donuts stuffed in my mouth and I can’t hear anything.
I know exactly how you feel, UC. Ever since the Great Porking of OughtFive, I have continuing porcine related dementia and the usual associated aural diminishment. This in no way explains my inability to draw a straight line with a crayon, but I am confident the doctors will figure that out. Just as soon as I finish organizing these crayons. I keep switching between alphabetical and spectral schemes. I like the look of the spectra but have trouble deciding on a blue shift or a red shift and often end up with something resembling a purple shift. Then I switch to alphabetical, but the problem there is that I had to remove all the labels and now must rely on an abstract naming system that not even I comprehend at all times. Most of the time, I start by naming the crayons based on how they make me feel or a memory, but then I forget which one was which trip in Asia and which was an attack by africanized bees or which one felt like bemused or wrathful and then have to switch back to blue/red shifting the crayons. I think I will try assigning all the crayons a name from a baby name book but without looking at the crayons and then working out a cryptosystem based on those name’s alphanumeric value. That should do the trick.
I like to organize my crayons by flavor.
You’re not alone, Chuckles. Porcine-related dementia is a common theme in literature, where it is known as “magic-porkism.” Hemmingway suffered from it and used it as the basis for his classic novel, For Whom the Pork Snorkels.
There’s nothing better for bloggers than to have a big project to procrastinate on. Procrastrination-based blogging is highly productive.
Crap, he’s right. I just realized that I am totally procrastinating and all the incredible bloggin going on at Republic of Dogs is just enabling me.
Time to get back to work on the important things. Like sorting out my crayons based on aura.
Crayons are easy to sort, it’s watching the video of how they get made that is mezmerizing
Also, does this mean you are chickening out of Chicken Challenge again?
I find “For Whom the Pork Snorkels” to be somewhat melodramatic. Personally, I prefer “The Pork Also Rises.”
Don’t forget “A Farewell to Pork” written, it is said, with a pork crayon.
There’s also that ultimate tale of pork, misogyny, and getting run over by a rhino: “The Short Happy Life of Porky McSnorkler”.
Of course, I rather prefer Proust’s In Search Of Lost Pork (also known as Remembrance of Snorkels Past).
oh spit. plover, you almost just stole my ‘Short Happy Life of Frank Baconlover’. I guess I should really blog from work.
Since you’re up Pinko, I’ll have a bagel and a schmear.
Plover, it’s better in the original French: A la recherche du porc perdu.
Other faves
The Lovesong of J. Alfred Porkfrock
Porktrait of a Lady
The Catcher in the Sty
In Cold Blood Sausage
As I Lay Brining
One Hundred Years of Sow-litude
This Swine of Paradise
and, last, but not least
Ham-let
NOW CLIF SMASH!!!!
Plover, it’s better in the original French: A la recherche du porc perdu.
Though one section has a notably good translation: Swine in Love
And:
The Sow and the Fury
Lady Chitterling’s Lover
That crayon comment was truly awesome, Chuckles.
I just finished reading Mansfield Pork. I think Fanny needs more salt.
Jexter? What’s next MGT???!!!
NONE OF THIS HELPS ME SORT MY CRAYONS!
If you love your crayons, set them free. If they sort themselves, they’re yours. If they don’t, they never were.
I think I see your point, Snag. I should make a grid on my floor and toss the crayons in the air all at once to prevent me from attempting to influence where they land and let them fall as they may. I should create a non linear fuzzy logic grid reference. With all the dust bunnies on my floor, the fuzzy logic is not too hard, the non linear isn’t so bad either since I can barely see straight with all the caffiene and laudanum in my veins.
I think I can see through my skin right now.
Remember, Chuckles, not to actually observe the crayons, since you don’t want to impact on the quantum nature of the crayon.
You are all fakakta!
Fakakta!
I’ve missed nothing on my hiatus from this half-arsed blog.
Nothing.
Well except seeing my little Fishcake and possibly Secret Blog Lover.
Well, here’s more reading, just for AG
Herzhog
Porknoy’s Complaint
The Sheltering Sty
and
1980-boar
If AG can’t tell the difference between our initial, more philosophical recommendation of “Beyond Good and Emu” and the current more historical literary recommendation of “A Connecticut Yankee in King Pork-ther’s Court” then I don’t know that she was really meant for this blog.
Way to bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan, Clif. Well done.
If I close my eyes then I won’t be affecting the nature of the crayons which is good, but then I won’t know where I am which is bad. GACK! My eyes are constantly wffecting everything! I am changing the colors as I see them. When I close my eyes, I see colors! Am I observing these color sin the way they are meant to be observed or is this merely another idol of the body? It could be an idol of the tribe or even mind, but I…think I pulled a muscle in my brain.
Clif might just have scored his position as SBL on that one.
Clif is a frickin synchrotron of CLIF ATOM SMASH power.
Gregor, I’m with you, I can’t believe jexter is here!
Of course, y’all are not true Hamingway fans unless you mention his 2 best short stories :
The Sows of Mount Kil-ham-anjaro and
Hams like White Elephants
Pork in the Afternoon is pretty good too.
Yo,
I think it is Sows of Kilo-jamon-jaro.
My summer reading list:
David Coppafield
Heart of Porkness- that one was scary.
Barefoot in the Pork
And for movies:
The Prosciutist.
I prefer the Russian classics, like “Swine and Nourishment” by Fyoboar Dostyosefky
Oh yeah, and Boar and Peace.
and the Brothers Kahamyosef.
and Al Gore’s fave book: The Red and the Black Forest.
Ha, the gauntlet has been thrown down! Well, take this:
Madame Boarvary
The Wide Sartasso Sea
The Ham and Swiss Family Robinson
Absalami, Absalami
Peter Pancetta
I thought I was gonna take this one with the Prosciutist, but Absalami, Absalami is amazing. Where is everybody? They need to witness the Clif master class going on right here.
Anyone ever made it through Marx’s “Hammunist Manipimento”
ouch – there’s no taking that one back.
Atlas Porked?
The Deli Counter Fêters
The Man Without Charcuterie
Pork: the linguiça franka of Three Bulls!
“Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei” – German idiom meaning “everything will come to an end”, literally translates as “everything has an end, only the sausage has two.” (source)
Sadly, Epicharmus (and Epicharmus of Kos no less!) beat 3B by 2500 years in originating pork inspired drama.
The Deli Counter Fêters is a real slice-of-life type novel.
btw, would it really kill you to make that giant take5 bar?
this is starting to sound like pork nukem 3B
i call vaporware!`
What about the masterwork where I made my debut?
Slaughter-house Five
or, indeed, The Swines of Titan
Lately, though, I’ve been reading more contem-peccary stuff like Old “Doc” Grunter S. Thomspon’s
Boar and Loathing in Las Vegas
and The Great Pork Hunt.