REAGAN SMASH!!1!!

Porthole [sic[ to another reality which you may have seen being ubiquitous of late.

One can learn many unusual things there about the physical world. Like:

Quantum mechanics consists of the revolutionary breakthrough in physics in the 1920s in understanding how participles behave inside atoms. [...] Quantum mechanics discovered that an electronic behaves in many ways like a wave rather than as a particle, and the position of that wave is never precisely known until it is observed. Even when it is observed, there is an inherent uncertainty that prevents measuring both the position and the momentum simultaneously. This is known as the Werner Heisenberg uncertainty principle.

And:

Unlike most advances in physics, the theory of relativity was proposed based on mathematical theory rather than observation. The theory rests on two postulates that are difficult to test, and then derives mathematically what the physical consequences should be. Those two postulates are that the speed of light never changes, and that all laws of physics are the same in every (inertial) frame of reference no matter where it is or how fast it is traveling. This theory rejects Newton’s view of gravitation and replaces it with a concept that there is a continuum of space and time, and that large masses (like the sun) bend space in a manner similar to a finger depressing an area of a balloon. From this proposed bending of space the expression arose that “space is curved.” But experiments later proved that space is overall flat after all.

Einstein’s work had nothing to do with the development of the atomic bomb. Nothing useful has even been built based on the theory of relativity. Only one Nobel Prize (in 1993 and not to Einstein) has ever been given that even remotely relates to the theory of relativity. Many things predicted by the theory of relativity, such as gravitons, have never been found despite much searching for them. Many observed phenomenon, such as the bending of light passing near the sun or the advance of the perihelion in the orbit of Mercury, can be also predicted by Newton’s theory.

The author of the article on the ancient Sumerians no doubt saw his entry as proof that “brevity is the sole of wit”:

Ancient inhabitants of Sumer, Sargon the Great most famous, cuneiforms & ziggerauts

While somewhat later than the Sumerians, the emperor Trajan was fairly inscrutable:

The second of the Five Good Emperors. He adopted by Nerva and was succeeded by Hadrian. Out of the Five Good Emperors, Trajan ruled the most land.

But he had huge… eh… tracts of land.

In some cases, like ancient writings, the originals have been lost, and only quotations by other authors remain. One sad casualty being this description of Stalin:

Josef Stalin was an atheist communist Russian dictator during World War II. He was defeated by Adolf Hitler, despite Hitler also being an atheist.

Sadly, this indisposable resource has been defaced. See if you can figure out where the second sentence here ought to end:

Since atheists have no God and therefore no grounds for a system of morality, they live their lives according to the rule that “anything goes”. In recent years, this has led to a large rise in drug use, pre-marital sex, teenage pregnancy, pedophilia and bestiality, earthquakes, volcanoes, the dead rising from the grave, human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together and mass hysteria.

Recent heros are sometimes brought to life quite vividly:

In one of his most famous challenges to Soviet Communism in Europe, [Reagan] publicly uttered the words, “Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall,” before the tearing down of the Berlin Wall separating East and West Germany by yelling “REAGAN SMASH!” and destroying it with his fists of steel.

This resource is a full encyclopedia despite being but a newly fertilized embryopedia. Since this is not liberapedia, you would not want to see it cruelly aspirated away into the electronic ether. No no no, you would not, I say!

I know that members of the Three Bulls elite Special Encycloforces — which, basically, you’re a member of if you’ve ever read this blog — will realise it is their duty to help fill in some of knowledge which Conservapedia readers are craving.

Tragically, there currently no articles for:

Emu
Pork Snorkel
Chundermuffin

I’m sure that you have ideas as to how best to introduce these topics to Conservapedia’s discerning readers.

18 Responses to “REAGAN SMASH!!1!!”


  • Wouldn’t that be *porkhole* to another reality?

  • that whole place is so [sic]!!

  • I think Conservapedia is hilarious. It’s the best spoof of Wikipedia to date.

    But this is only the beginning of the “Customized Reality” trend, folks.
    Next:

    - DNPedia: Reality reinterpreted by the Democratic Party.
    (Choice quote: “Monica Lewinsky – A badly dressed liar, who did not have sex with that wonderful, wonderful man Bill Clinton.”)

    - Popedia: Reality as seen by the Vatican.
    (Choice quote: “Celibacy – The official church policy, which protects men of the cloth from worldly temptation; rumors about sexual abuse are Satan’s lies. Choirboys are absolutely safe!”)

    - Al-Qaipedia: Do you have to ask?
    (Choice quote: “America – the Great Satan, who produces only evil… and also those nifty SUVs that make mountain dirt tracks such a pleasure to drive on.”)

    (*SATIRE*)

  • “Creationists make it sound like a ‘theory’ is something you dreamt up after being drunk all night”

    –Isaac Asimov

    (although i always thought it was Mr. Billions and Billions

  • Did you know? Jesus in fact advocated supply side economics and the stoning of Mary Magdalen, as well as of gays. If your Bible contradicts this, you are probably not reading the KJV version, and as such will most likely burn in Hell, you filthy, filthy Jew- and Negro-loving heathen liberal trash.

  • Orange Juice, Frozen: Served only by whores.

  • Why, oh why won’t they let me sign up for an account?!? I promise to be good. In a manner of speaking.

    Is it blocking all new user registration, or does it just hate me because of my Cambridge IP address?

    In any case, my favorite two entries are catalogued here.

    PP – when do I get to see a Delicious or Disgusting on the Arthur Bryant’s Rib Rub? I’m dying to know…

  • Would you believe we haven’t fit the ribs in the budget yet?

    I KNOW. Sad. Effing sad.

    They aren’t letting anyone sign up.

    That is sad too.

  • So many sad things. On the upside, they haven’t yet changed the entry for Patriotism:

    Patriotism, or love of country, is the highest American virtue. Patriotism means unquestioning obedience and loyalty to the Leader of the country. The opposite of patriotism, treason, is the act of questioning, criticizing or voting against the Leader.
    Patriotism comes from the Latin. An ancient Latino poet wrote “Dulce et decorum est pro Patria mori”, which means “It is sweet and decorative for patriots to die”[1].

    Patriots: delicious, or disgusting?

  • Oh, crap. Messed up closing the blockquotes. Sorry. The last line (Patriots: delicious or disgusting) was me, and not part of the entry. Although perhaps it should be.

  • Marita:

    Your errant tag has been herded back into place.

    It is true that the parodies are hard to tell from the real posts, but for the most part the parodies have appeared in the past few days.

    Many of the articles were created back December and January by the same few people — I’m guessing as seed content.

    Those entries for the Sumerians and Trajan were both created back then and have never been edited, so that appears to be the level of input of the site’s creators (or at least their kids’ homeschool buds). All of the original stubs seem to be about that length and degree of informativeness — though, to be fair, some are more coherent.

    Sooo pathetic.

  • This will not last as long as the Victory Coalition.

    I say the 3B need to ecome top-level editors lest the Conservapedia die!

    Also Jon Swift.

    The random Page function is a dleightful and surprising source of whimsy, humour, and batshit crazy. Like this entry on Joan Of Arc:

    Did Joan of Arc truly hear voices?
    Yes, I believe so as given:
    She didn’t have any holes in her personality so schizophrenia isn’t very likely.
    She was very practical (which was something missing from the nobility and The Church at this time period) and never had any flaws in her accounts they all fit perfectly into another, so I don’t believe she was lying.
    She didn’t have one hallucination after another once, sometimes three times, a day which would be very unlikely. That would still not explain how these voices simply stopped after she denied to have them.
    The only logical conclusion is that she did hear voices from The Archangel Michael delivering God’s message.

  • Someone in Jon Swift’s comments pointed out this entry, which made me very, very happy.

    A shame it won’t last.

  • According to a commenter at Pharyngula, the original articles were done by homeschool kiddies.

    She/He/It/Crustacean quotes the Conservapedia “About” page:

    Conservapedia began in November 2006, as the class project for a World History class of 58 advanced homeschooled and college-bound students meeting in New Jersey.

  • Marita – that could make anyone happy. I want one so I can train it to help organize Chuckles’ crayons.

  • Marita, that was the Platonic ideal of amazing. I bow before it.

  • The arboreal octopus is now the 10th most viewed page on Conservapedia.

  • Ooo.

    >[Note by Admin: Although liberal blogs are sending people to this entry, none of them seem to realize that this entry appears to be a parody of environmentalists. For example, read the above sentence again: "Unless immediate action is taken to protect this species and its habitat, the Pacific Northwest tree octopus will be but a memory."--Aschlafly 15:06, 27 February 2007 (EST)]>

    “You missed the funny part!”

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