We just received the following press release anonymously in our e-mail in box. Lest anyone accuse of stirring up controversy for blog traffic, I’d like to remind you that this post clearly makes much more sense than we usually do, so that rules us out. We’re being honest for once, even if we have poisoned the well with our usual deep, deep unseriousness. I would also add that we’re risking our actual lives here being destroyed by f***ing missiles to post this.
From: "JPF2DWC4VP4PRC4C4C4L" [REDACTED]
To: [REDACTED]
Date: Sat, 29 Apr 2007 23:57:32 -0700
Subject: FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: WANG CHUNG, DARK HORSE CANDIDATE, ALIGHTS
>AIRWOLF IS NO KIND OF VICE PRESIDENT
>
>VICE PRESIDENT CHENEY IS LIKE A LITTLE BABY IN HIS IRON WOMB
>
>AMERICA NEEDS A REAL VICE PRESIDENT TO SECRETLY CONTROL THE LEVERS OF POWER
>
>AMERICA NEEDS A VICE PRESIDENT THAT CAN STAB A MAN IN THE FACE WITH HIS MIND: NO
>COMPROMISES
>
>AMERICA NEEDS A VICE PRESIDENT DEEP IN THE WORLD TONIGHT
>
>AMERICA NEEDS WANG CHUNG TONIGHT... AND TOMORROW.
>
>DRAFT WANG CHUNG FOR VICE PRESIDENT: THE TERRORISTS WILL NOT HAVE ALREADY WON
>
>paid for on the edge of oblivion by a ship of fools sailing on towards drafting wang chung as
>vice presidential nominee of the people's revolutionary council for centrism for connecticut for
>lieberman
I’m not joking about this. Will The Editors, currently running for president on the Editors/Airwolf ’08 ticket, actually respond to this apparently popular movement? Does the purportedly so-moderate-he-eats-tuna-safe-dolphin-just-to-be-fair give a FIG about the grass and netroots campaign for him to balance his ticket with an entity so moderate as to be inclusive of everyone?
We certainly don’t expect to hear anything about this on “serious” sites such as Talking Points “I Love Airwolf and Intend for Airworf to Sire my Helicopter Babies” Memo, but will Atrios, who has been following this race closely deign to comment? It certainly does seem that Atrios is the power behind the throne of moderacy, notwithstanding comments to the contrary.
Already we can hear the hue and cry in the streets…Everybody…WANG CHUNG..tonight!
Is it okay to start the Wang Chunging earlier in the day? Must one wait for night?
Wang Chung: It’s not a group, it’s an attitude.
I do believe the 11th commandment was “Thou shalt Wang Chung” and the 12th was “Thou shalt not Want Chung with they neighbor’s oxen, but thou mayest Wang Chung with they neighbor’s ass.”
Plus, there is the well-known passage from Exodus, “And the Lord said unto thine flock, ‘Thou shalst taketh thine babies by the hand, and maketh thee doeth a high handstand. And if thoust performeth this trick in a manner pleasing to the Lord, lo I say unto thee verily, I shall expell thine Canaanites from the land of Milk and Honey and maketh them live and die in L.A.”
Cheney and Rumsfeld in ’08! Finish the job! That’ll wang the chungs.
I’m not supporting any ticket that doesn’t have a futuristic flying vehicle.
Now, it could be Airwolf, or Blue Thunder, but what about some really visionary vehicles? Supercar? Thunderbirds One, Three, or Four (but NOT Five)? Eagle-One? Robocop-3? the Flying Sub?
Mecha-Cheney broke the seal on android and technological-assisted political candidates, so it only makes sense to be able to provide air cover also.
Actually, Wang Chung would make a better Secretary of State.
We’ve held back from a pre-emptive invasion of this blog because we though we’d actually give UN Wang inspectors a chance to find stockpiles of incriminating Chung before we shoot the missiles.
Little did we know there would be hot steaming piles of Chung on every available Wang tonight. While we have no doubt that we would be greeted as liberators, there were some finer points of transcopterism that we are mulling over so some of us are going to sod off instead.
Wang Chung? I’d rather Wang Couric.
Wang Chung does not appreciate horrible puns concerning their name. Wang Chung will be forced to govern with an iron fist a moderately crush all opposition with back rubs and snacks!
Wang Chung hates our freedoms.
Wang Chung will be forced to govern with an iron fist a moderately crush all opposition with back rubs and snacks!
…and sideways haircuts!
As the descendent of the great warlord Chun King, Wang Chung offers the perfect mix of steely resolve and crispy water chestnuts.
Wang Chung is the alpha and the omega. The Wang rules with their Iron Womb. That the Wang has an IW proves that Dick (but wombless) Cheney is powerless against WC because they can truly can go f**k themselves…
lol.. thats a classic
As demonstrated in the top-secret video above, Airwolf would be unable to target Wang Chung because of their built-in Heisenberg Uncertainty Shield.
I can hear Dom now:
“The missiles…they do nothing!”
Eat it, extremist Borgnine!
I will of course support The Editors in his choice for VP, but I also feel the combined wisdom of “Les Tres Bouillons” cannot be ignored. If Wang Chung has what it takes to go the distance, then let’s “rock and roll”, as the kids say.
My only concern, perhaps unfounded, is the requirement that “everybody” Wang Chung, be it tonight or any other designated time period. For instance, the Chun King sect of Gastronomes are forbidden to have any other Chun(g) before them at the dinner table, and will most certainly resist Wang Chunging whilst Chun Kinging.
This may require some delicate diplomacy.
What’s So Bad About Feeling Good?
You are Praying To A New God; please Don’t Be My Enemy.
Wait; you will not Hypnotize Me. In The World In Which We Live, A Fool And His Money…
upon The Flat Horizon, we see China; Chinese Girls are Rising In The East and we have no time To Live And Die In L.A.
Straight From My Heart I tell you this is Betrayal.
The Waves of Space Junk will be Dancing through Zero Gravity should this come to pass. Don’t Let Go of hope; we can Talk It Out, Devoted Friends. Even In Your Dreams you won’t see Everybody Have Fun Tonight; Dance Hall Days, seen through the Eyes Of A Girl, won’t Hold Back The Tears.
It’s a Big World; I Never Wanted To Love You In A Half Hearted Way. Let’s Go – Ti Na Na.
Why Do You Laugh? Look At Me Now; I Can’t Sleep.
Yer scaring me back into the light.
Assparrot,
Are you hanging in there?
Are you prepared to testify in front of the Congressional Committee for the investigation of Airwolf’s crimes against humanity?
Also, you missed our other-dimensional “Alt Annhous is so lovable” contest. We really needed you for that one.
Alt Bauhaus is so lovable that software-as-a-service.
Shhh. Don’t scare him.
Assparrot –
Come to the light!
Billy, you either Wang Chung with us, or Wang Chung against us. There is no room for some squishy Men Without Hats middle.
What about Flock of Seagulls?
I ran….so far away….
I would also support a Gary Numan/Tubeway Army political movement.
why is there so much discord in our house, in the middle of the street?
> JPF2DWC4VP4PRC4C4C4L
Now, obviously “2DWC4VP4PRC4C4C4L” stands for “…to draft Wang Chung for Vice President for the People’s Revolutionary Council for centrism for Connecticut for Lieberman.”
Clearly.
But what of this “JPF”? Something here just doesn’t add up.