Overheard On The Internets VII

Dale Earnhardt Jr. fan “freebird_3-4-life” skirts a Spinal Tap style fine line with this masterpiece:

Ok….First of all, **** off all you Gordon fans….if you were married to a Fineass supermodel, you would drive extra fast to just to get home to her. That is the only reason he is winning. I bet she is a dude…that’s why he is in love. To all my fellow Jr fans, don’t worry, he will be in a RCR car next year and I know for a fact it will have#3 on it…..the way it should be!! If Sr were still around Montoya would have been in the wall faster then Jeff Gordon’s Mom puts out on Tuesday’s. There is no room in this sport for some egghead to be cruising around on the track. I was at Talladega (were I saw him more than one time) were he blocked several fast cars from getting to the front. Since when were two bit crack dealers allowed to race??? He needs to go back to F1 were he belongs. I say if you can’t speak at least a little bit of English….you shouldn’t even be in this country. GO JR!!!!!!

freebird_#3-4-life | 05/14/07
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Ok….First of all, **** off all you Gordon fans….if you were married to a Fineass supermodel, you would drive extra fast to just to get home to her. That is the only reason he is winning. I bet she is a dude…that’s why he is in love. To all my fellow Jr fans, don’t worry, he will be in a RCR car next year and I know for a fact it will have#3 on it…..the way it should be!! If Sr were still around Montoya would have been in the wall faster then Jeff Gordon’s Mom puts out on Tuesday’s. There is no room in this sport for some egghead to be cruising around on the track. I was at Talladega (were I saw him more than one time) were he blocked several fast cars from getting to the front. Since when were two bit crack dealers allowed to race??? He needs to go back to F1 were he belongs. I say if you can’t speak at least a little bit of English….you shouldn’t even be in this country. GO JR!!!!!!

freebird_#3-4-life | 05/14/07

I kind of dare Amanda at Pandagon to unpack all this goodness. All the top isms, a mom joke, and a double post. Why can’t we get quality trolls like this?

I propose that whenever anyone feels like it, toss off some “Dale Earnhardt chundernozzles sweaty donkey robot munchloafs” or your favorite rip on Jr. just so we can get some freebird_#3-4-life ACTION!

24 Responses to “Overheard On The Internets VII”


  • Yeah, I’ve seen pug dogs that drive better than Jr.

  • NASCAR ain’t driving, it’s making left turns until someone crashes. Then the drunk rednecks cheer and throw plastic beer bottles.

  • THE WAY YOU TALK ABOUT JEFF BEING GAY YOU MIGHT BE GAY YOUR SELF JEST BE CAUSE JEFF A GREAT DRIVER YOU HAVE TO CRY BE CAREFUL HE MIGHT RACE FOR HENDRICK MORTOR SPORTS JR. THAT IS JR. IS GOOD BUT NOT AS GOOD AS JEFF BUT HE WILL BE ONE DAY JEFF’S NUMBER ONE FAN FOR EVER I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF NASCAR OF AND ON FOR 40 YRS.

  • SCOTT

    WE TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. WE THINK DALE EARNHARDT JUNIOR IS THE BELGIAN WAFFLE IN THIS SITUTATION- IN FACT DALE EARNHARDT JUNIOR WHERES GRANNY PANTIES AND SMOKES A PIPE

  • Love the caps, bud. I guess you didn’t catch the ENTIRE MEANING OF THIS POST. MAYBE IF I TYPE IN ALL CAPS TOO WE CAN BE FRIENDS. BY THE WAY, I HAVE HATED NASCAR FOREVER.

  • CHUCKLES GO BLOW YRSELF DALE JR IS GOING DOWN HE IS AN ITTY BITTY TITTY BABY WHO ADDITIONALLY HAS A WHINY ASS RICHARD PETTY ROASTING IN HELL SHALL RISE UP AND SMITE DALE EARNHARDT JUNIOR WITH UNSPEAKBLE RETRIBUTION

  • ROTFLMAO!!!!!! LIKE IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE DALE JR. BETTER TAKE THAT MOTE OUT OF HIS EYE IF HE WANTS TO DO ANY BUTT-SMITING BECAUSE HE IS A GIANT LOOSER!!!!

  • DALE JR COULDNT CARRY JEFF GRODONS JOCK TO THE DRY CLEANERS WHERE IT NEEDS TO GO BECAUSE JEFF GORDON CONSTANTLY CRAPS HIMSELF BECAUSE OF HOW FAST HE DRIVES AND HOW AWESOME HE IS DALE JR JUST CRAPS TINY RABBIT TURDS BECAUSE HE IS SO SCARED OF JEFF GORDONS AWESOMENESS ALSO DALE JR CAN EAT IT

  • JR FANS ARE JUST JEALOUS OF JEFF’S WIFE THEY WISH THEY HAD A BEAUTIFUL WIFE. THAT PICTURE OF JR ON YOUR WALL WON’T MAKE YOU BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING. AND BOBBY LABONTE IS COMING BACK AT THE WINSTON, SO JR WILL HAVE TO DRIVE WITH ONE EYE ON THE REARVIEW MIRROR EXCEPT HE’LL BE IN THE BACK AGAINST THE WALL SO HE WON’T BE DRIVING ANYWHERE. LOL ABOUT THE SMITING, THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS ABOUT SMITING IS GOD AND NO WAY IS GOD A JR FAN. IF HE WAS WHY ISN’T JR WINNING LOL.

  • squirt

  • I SEE WILL FERRELL PEOPLE.

  • JEFF GORDON ISNT GOD BUT HE IS GODS FAVORITE AND IF GOD WANTED JEFF GORDON TO NOT WIN HE WOULD PUT JEFF IN A TOYOTA AND THEN HE WOULD STILL GET TOP 10S

  • I’m from a former Confederate state and I am deeply ashamed of the inbreeding from the great South that has led to this level of NASCAR fandom. From us to you, my apologies.

  • I AM CRYING WITH LAUGHTER, BUT MANLY TEARS OF WHISKY, NOT TEARS FILLED WITH JOHNSONS BABY SHAMPOO LIKE JR CRIES WHEN HE GETS STOMPED ON BY DA KING JEFF GORDON. I SAW GORDON AT BRISTOL BECAUSE THATS WHERE I GOT THROWN OFF THE FREIGHT TRAIN AND I SAID HEY JEFF AND HE SAID GET THE F*** AWAY FROM ME WHICH IS WHAT HE SHOULD HAVE SAID BECAUSE I LOOOKED LIKE A BUM FROM BEING ON THE FREIGHT TRAIN FOR SO LONG. JR WOULD HAVE TRIED TO GIVE ME FOOD LIKE THE P***Y THAT HE IS. HE NEEDS TO GO TO F1 WHERE HE CAN GIVE FERNANDO ALONSO A PEDICURE WHILE THEY FEED EACH OTHER S-CAR-GO BEFORE GETTING CORNHOLED BY MICHAEL SHOEMAKER.

  • Pinko: I wrote an answer to your question you-know-where.

  • CAR GO FAST. FASTUR THAN YOU CAR!

  • All this, and yet not one spirited and elitist comment about how F1 is teh best of all racing, and Nascar is LAME LAME LAME.

  • Yeah F1 is awesome, one pass in the first five seconds.

  • I was never really a big fan of F1. Not big on reading manuals, so why would I call up the help file unless I was truly desperate?

  • how’s that montoya character doing? isn’t he in NASCAR now?

  • One pass in the first five seconds and then you can GO BACK TO SLEEP!

    Actually, I’m enjoying this season so far not because the passing situation has improved, but because Lewis Hamilton is refusing to pander to the cliched narratives that lazy sports writers like to haul out about black athletes. The “Tiger Woods” of F1? Ppppthhbt.

  • LEWIS HAMILTON IS AFRAID OF HEIGHTS BUT IN A WEIRD WAY HE IS ONLY AFRAID OF THE DISTANCE IN HEIGHT BETWEEN 2ND PLACE ANAD FIRST PLCAE ON THE PDIUM HAHAHAHAHAHHA ALSO WHEN WE TALK ABOUT F! WE USED LIMEY TALK LIKE OVERTAKING I LOVE IT_ THERE IS NO SPORT WHERE THE FANS ACTUALLY HATE IT AS MUCH AND TALK ABOUT RACING FROM 30 YEARS AGO

  • Press F1! Press F1!

  • there was a 30 years ago?

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