Associated Press Macaroons

The photoshops on the monster pig photos were so bad (like I kinda said)- no monster pig. Total choads sell t-shirts to chumps. Dealio here. Thanks, Gregor for making us look good (relative to our usual badness) but really bad (relative to some hypothetical goodness). I heard Hillary Clinton was behind the pig hoax. Maybe the WaPo can get John Solomon on it, or maybe Jeff Gerth. Or even The Editors.

17 Responses to “Associated Press Macaroons”

  • There is no monster pig, only Zool?

  • Actually, Zuul is the demonic critter from that fine film. ZOOL is the department abbreviation for Zoology at certain fine institutions of higher learning and liberal atheist indoctrination. This leads to exchanges at the office like this:

    Techie: What’s the course code for Animal Science?
    MD: It’s Zoology. ZOOL.
    Techie: There’s no code for Animal Science?
    MD: There is no Animal Science. Only ZOOL!

    I’m glad that a few of my soon-to-be-ex underlings have a sense of humour. A bilious humour, perhaps, but that’s the price of working for me.

  • Darn it, I was looking forward to bacon for breakfast.

  • Only ZOOL!

    Say it loud. Put it on a t-shirt.

    This story seems to imply the American press reports things as fact, when in fact, they are not… facts.

    I just don’t know what to think about that.

  • Poor UC and PupH! This is something akin to telling a young child that there is no Santa Claus.

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Despite the clear scientific and legal evidence, I’m forced to look deep within my faith and worship to ya-hog-a and still believe in the great monster pig. He might not exist in a physical place on this world, but has a spiritual presence over all the pig of this planet. Also, I shall smite the non-believers.

  • Somebody at AP met a Heffachump.

    Oh, bother.

  • I’m still hungry. would someone please pass the ladyfingers?

  • P.S. I’m not sending you the Burly Dudes” DVD until you update Last jexter Sighting on 3B!

  • The world would be a far, far better place if furrinurs like The Uncanny Canadian could be president of these U. States o’ A. His porkish spiritually is an awesome spirituality!

  • [tap, tap…is this thing on?]

    Test, test…Peter Piper picked a… [no, I don’t think it’s on…jiggle the plug]

  • Let me ask Master Control.

  • The whole pig thing gets so much worse. Now I’m not here to slander pork products, no siree. There may not be a god, but bacon is a sacrament. And though I don’t hunt, I’ve got nothing against thems that do, unless it isn’t, as was the case here.

    It turns out MonsterPig was just a family pet, and the hunt was conducted in a glorified corral. It’s now reported by the “hunter”‘s proud sire that the big pig didn’t act lack a domesticated animal and they should get credit as if it was a feral, but let’s look at the facts, ‘Kay?

    1. Fred (as so the pig was named) is sold to the simulated hunting outfit and is turned loose in a large fenced area. Being hand fed for most of his life the pig is totally clueless about what to do.

    2. After starving for a couple of days a group of people show up. The pig probably thought they were going to (finally!) feed him. As he trots over to them the shakiest gun in the west takes aim and fires a number of shots at the pig and finally hits him with a freakin’ .50 cal round.

    3. “WTF!” The pig probably thought, “That little dipwad shot me!” and he promptly runs away. The choads fire a few more rounds at his retreating hindquarters and give “chase”. It’s not like they don’t know where to find Fred since the enclosure only a couple of hundred acres, he’s bleeding profusely from a honkin’ hole in him, and he has no instincts to fall back on.

    4. Over the next three freakin’ hours they chase the pig, plug him a few more times, and chase him some more. Finally the pig collapses and the boy finally gets up the courage to actually approach the animal and put him out of his misery. Total number of rounds fired is unclear but reports put it around sixteen. Fred was hit six times.

    That wasn’t a hunt. Heck, that wasn’t even a slaughter. That was torture, straight up. It was more like a “Jim Henson’s Muppet Babies” version of “The Deadliest Game”.

  • And worse, the AP still hasn’t reported that the pictures were totally fake, because they know CNN and their other customers eat this shit up as we will click on every slow trickle of monster pig story out there- this is a case of them knowingly printing jokey bullshit because people will read it. The Enquirification of the American Mind! Poor Batboy, like the Apple Newton, he was before his time.

  • The story also made the local papers here in Wellington roughly two weeks ago. They called it a fake from the start.

    The more you look at the story the worse it gets. All you need is booze and a coverup and it could be Cheney.

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