All other voting schemes are illusions of your false-consciousness engram Islamoliberal-fascist mentality! You must use these instructions to stop the karmic steamroller and use your secret header contest voting powers for the side of good in the battle for the universe!
- Take our personality test.
- Lettuce abuse you for hours about your miserable personality and worthless life. (This is the fun part.)
- Reject your former life because you now have more important things to do with your money.
- Get hooked up to one of our electroshock feedback machines so we can bring out your inner OPERATING EMUON powers. (This is the other fun part.)
- Go on interdimensional quest to bring us a Magic Donut.
- Use Magic Donut to dominate the international møøse curling scene.
- Then you will be pure enough to view our pre-approved voting list.
- Vote for one header in this thread, then one header in that other voting thread.
- Repeat previous step until your votes make a pretty butterfly spread out across the spaceblogtime continuum.
- Do not be surprised by your desire to vote for Tom Cruise. After all, he is saving you from the trillion year nemesis of all OPERATING EMUONs.
- Unless there are more Congressional hearings, our OPERATING EMUONs in the US Justice Department will be standing by to make sure you comply.
- Presuming you have voted as expected, you may prepare for your wedding to Reverend Emuun.
Rollin’ rollin’ rollin’
Though intertubes are swollen
Keep those emus rollin’
Rawhide!
Can you vote for more than one header thread?
Why do I have a sudden urge to jump on Oprah’s couch and profess my eternal love to Mandy Moore?
I feel all my Earthly desires have been remuved from my spirit.
I vote against the cryptofacist overlords and their “anarcho-syndicalist” charade. And Xemu was a cobag.
This must be the Golden Thread of Lore – lo, I have become one with it.
I give all 19 points to #10.
First rule of 3B! contest voting: All chads must be hanging!
My vote can be bought with a slice of delish moose pie! You can buy 100 of my votes with the whole moose!
1. I’ve already taken the personality test. I failed.
2. Lettuce abuse? Ever work in kitchens? We used to have a ritual sacrifice in order to cleanse the Holy Foliage of its stem and nub, with which they were cursed by Shub-lettuce in the early days of the Lost Produce Section of Eden.
3. Specifically, more important things to do with YOUR money.
4. I once tripped and got my hand in a bin full of 9-volt batteries. Does that count? There were emuons everywhere. So messy…
5. Cream or jelly filling? The eternal debate rages on. Will we never learn the lessons of the damage wrought by the Tim Horton’s Jihad? Where do you think Timbits came from? (Okay, bad joke. The Man Himself died in a car accident. And no, they’re not part of our Holy Communion. Well, unless you’re Unitarian, but who knows what they believe anyway?)
6. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep! And I’ve had to use a bite stick, thank you very much, although it was risky. I’m lucky to still have all six of my fingers.
7. I’ve already viewed the winner, thank you very much. This morning, while brushing my teeth. Can’t vouch for purity, though.
8. Done. But just there, and not here. OR IS IT?1!?/!1?
9. Is this a Heisenberg test? Or some kind of Turing CAPTCHA that kicks you in the electric gonads if you fail?
10. There can be no write-in candidates, except for Shai-Hulud. And Zool.
11. We demand more hearings! And sightings! And tastings!
12. Down with the king! I hereby pledge my allegiance to the emuninites. Long may they give us fodder for making fun of Boston!
6.022 * 10^23 points to number one. I love them all, but that one is my brain on catnip.
good dog I miss Tim Hortons.
#4 – 4
#17 – 5
#18 – 10 (Because I’m a shameless choadguzzler.)
I’m surprised no one responded “we have a mole!” I blame Hedgehogzilla.
I think that all of tigrismus’ votes should count quadruple for that sly use of the avocado number. Mmmmm avocado!
#10 – 19 points
#14 – 17 points and a grand slam breakfast
#11 – 11. BECAUSE OF THE SYMMETRY