3B has contracted a serious case of Ombudspersonpants. The primary source of Ombudspersonpants will be Mendacious D (mendaciousd at gmail dot com). However, since ombudspersonpants can be completely insane, we shall have a double ombudspersonpants for Mendacious D, and this will be in the form of the Doom of Mandos. All criticisms and complaints about 3B are to be directed to Mendacious D who will treat them anonymously. If you would prefer you comments to be brazenly out in the open, fearing no retribution from our deeply shallow and defensive security staff, you may leave them here. On the occasion that we receive any comments, Mendacious D will, in this space, I propose, address dear reader concerns. In turn, Mandos shall turn his bloghammer upon us all in response to what will indubitably be hilarious house organ but unsatisfactory ombudspersonpants from Men D. Billy Pilgrim shall act as tertiary ombudspersonpants, however he has postponed his first column.
UPDATE:
For example: if Atrios wants to complain about us calling him orange or whatever, or not linking to him, or posting about what he wants, this is his chance. If Aravosis wants to complain about the fact that we claim he smells like a lanolin-soaked Chrysler New Yorker, this is his chance. If you hate us, this is your chance. I can’t wait for DA’s 50 page screed.
Mendacious D??? What a disservice to your readers.
Can I complain about how half-assed this blog is?
Plus, with multiple obudspersonpanties, this blog has OUTPERFORMED THE INAPPROPRIATELY NAMED TIME MAGAZINE in the Ombuddepartment by having a total of 1.5 Oms, even if all are half-assing it!!
EAT IT DEBORAH HOWELL!!!
I’m sorry but this “blog” has 2.5 ombudsentities because MenD has at least one extra cheek, not one less.
I would like to complain that this blog has become way too coherent and lacks condiments with sufficient umami.
Please lift the ban on MSG.
I am honoured, and of course accept.
I prefer “ombudsmoose,” but that’s just me.
BP and fish: Your concerns have been noted, and will be addressed.
w00t!
extra cheek?
Turns out I know NOTHING about Canadianers
Bad form, BP, to attack my heritage at this late stage in the primaries.
And now for something completely different: a man with three buttocks.
I’m not even gonna click that.
I would like to present a complaint: Where the hell did all the links go? That was half the reason I came here today.
what was the other half?
My ass.
Complaints are next door. This is getting hit on the head lessons.
PP loses points for not recognizing a classic Monty Python sketch. Boo!
Tell it to the ombudspersonpants, Men D.
Yeah PP! I’m thoroughly disappointed as well.
And I’m with Chuckles- what good is this site if not for the links?!?
PP- if you can’t give me linkage, you’d better be baking.
I would like to complain about the complainers who complain, and then complain about the actions taken to respond to the complaints.
Do not pay attention to the giant swagwagon being directed to Oaktown.
The complainers have been sacked.
ombudsmanpants are the ones with only one ass cheek cut-out, right?
No, those are ombudspersonpants. You’re thinking of Prince pants, concept car version. They ended up going to both cheeks.
are these the ombudspants?
Are they ombudschaps? Those always chafe so much…
Where’s Returns? I have a dead parrot I need to exchange.
Would Morrisey wear them?
It’s not dead, its sleeping.
We really want to know if your crunchy frogs have bones in them.
YAY! The linkage is back!
I, for one, think it is ridiculous to think Morrisey would wear a dead parrot. even if it’s just pinin’ for the fjords.
I would like to register a complaint.
I am complaining about the Bake-off Theme Songs being buried in “Songs of the Day.”
You must….
1) Remember to look for them.
2) Then click to see them.
3) Then hope to God someone cares if you saw it and reads the excellent comment you left about them.
Dear Omboobpersonpanties,
I do believe that every single solitary Theme Song deserves the respect of being posted on the HOME PAGE, along with being posted on the SONG OF THE DAY page.
It is more respectful.
We put a lot of thought into them!!!
Respectfully yours,
Blue Girl Who Has The Most Awesome Theme Song That Has Yet To Be Posted and Who Doesn’t Want It Buried In The Tunnels of 3Bulls! Blog.
Thanking you in advance for your cooperation and consideration on this matter.
And. Oh. There may be some MooseStuff for people who agree with me.
*WinkWink*
BG, do you know that You Tube stuff are some of the reasons that 3B loads so slowly? That you complained about?
EVERYBODY reads Song of the Day. There are so many comments they flip over to zero most of the time.
Song of the day is half the reason I come here.
there’s a Song of the Day?!
Dear Ombudsperson Mendacious D,
I am writing in some distress about the misinformation spread by this blog about the wonderful, delicious fruit known as grapefruit. As we all know, grapefruit is a delicious and nutritious snack, full of vitamins and fiber and so on. Who would be against such a wonderful gift to humankind?
But one of grapefruit’s most important recently-discovered uses has been deeply maligned by this blog. In Milan and Paris and other centres of haute couture, it has recently been recognized that grapefruit is a lovely and tasteful fashion accessory. Placed on the head, on the lapels of men’s suits, the world of high fashion cannot get enough of this beautiful fruit. So why is this “Three Bulls!” blog promoting myths and lies about grapefruit?
There is no such thing as a grapefruit “chupacabra”. Not only is this cultural appropriation of the rankest kind, it is also patent fear-mongering. Grapefruit-wearing is no threat to the public at all, and our elected officials can rest at ease knowing that they are wearing SO SO HUNGRY the highest—and the safest—in new business fashion.
In sum, I would like you to HUNGRY HUNGRY!!! ahem, er, I would like to publish a retraction of these unfounded claims and suggest to your editors that a new policy be put in place, one that celebrates the delicious wearing, um, I mean, the wearing of delicious grapefruit.
Yours truly,
The Citrus Fashion Association.
BG, do you know that You Tube stuff are some of the reasons that 3B loads so slowly? That you complained about?[OOOOOooooooooOOOOOO
GHOST OMBUDSPERSONPANTS TAG FIXER OOOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOO]
Dear Omboobpersonpanties,
I’m not sure Pinko Punko should be directing his questions directly to the complainers. There should be a middlepersonpants to handle such a situation.
I think we need to have rules about that.
Secondly, “Song of the Day” is NOT Page Six. Like everyone is flipping instantly to see who Katie Cruise is sleeping with now.
Please rectify this situation.
Respectfully yours,
blue girl
Dear Omboobpersonpants,
Please fix my open tag.
*Kisses!*
Your Royal Ombudshighness,
I would like to most sincerely complain about these comments. They are not linear and they make my head hurt.
Respectfully yours.
A case in point. Look at that attractive fashion model—with an ENORMOUS GRAPEFRUIT attached to his back. Does
hehis grapefruit not look delicious? So how could this blog spread these lies about the grapefruit “chupacabra”?I’m not sure Pinko Punko should be directing his questions directly to the complainers.
Yeah! If Pinko is hiring an omnipotentbudstangpantedperson, then he shouldn’t be talking to the complainers even if he is one of them. So there.
Also, I think Citrus Lover is slighting the importance of melon in fashion.
LOL!
If that giant grapefruit doesn’t say, “Tra-LA!”, I don’t know what does.
Again… why the melon hate? Well, I can understand why Mr. Fashion Grapefruit hates melons, but still…
It looks like that grapefruit is going to EAT his melon, that’s why.
40 comments and no voting? it seems the complaints have been festering for some time. Looks like MenD is going to be too busy to half-ass it.
Yeah, MenD, get on the stick!
Or we will have to remove you.
With fruit.
AND YOU DON’T WANT THAT, DO YOU???
We supporters of citrus in fashion are fully in favour of melon as well, and opposed to superstitions like the Ghost Melon, but we consider it to be the responsibility of the supporters of melon to support melon.
Oh for the love of all that is citrus… no removal by fruit!
CL- what’s your stance on lettuce as a fashion statement?
No comment.
I demand an umlaut!
I think an ömbudspersonpants looks naked without an umlaut. Three Bulls! wouldn’t want to responsible for naked ömbudspersonpantses wandering the streets would they?
Plus, I hope that Three Bulls! might be interestëd in conservation öf the free ränge umlaut. Änd wöüld ällöw thë ëndängërëd ümläüt hërds tö pästürë hërë.
dear emuporpoisepants, i must complain about the content of that last sketch.
Wow, I kind of hope someone is ripping us for real too in comments to Men D. Just like 3B to make a mockery of any situation.
Let me put it this way: if, as has been noted, I am to be posting as ombudspants at this blog, it might help if somebody around here gave me some access.
Then I’ll get “on the stick.” Capite?go
This totally blows my weekend, by the way. How am I supposed to finish my magnum
alcesopus of baking while eviscerating the writers of this blog?This goes beyond half-assing. This might require effort
(And there had better be some freaking shortcuts to typing in all these tags)
But thank you for unleashing a wonderful series of Python references.
Yours sincerely,
Brig-Gen. Mendacious D (ret.), Mrs.
PS. Stoooooooooooooooooooorn!
I KNEW IT!!!1!111! This was just a ploy to get a site login!
Mendacious D, FINE. Access is coming. Don’t abuse it!
The complainers of the last complaint who complained about the previous complainers, have been sacked.
These complaints will now be continued in a completely different style and at great expense.
Second of all, if Men. D blew up the blog, would anyone notice?? Advantage: 3B.
Oh, and I must say, that Citrus Lover girl/guy/dude/bird/hesperidian has a point.
Speaking of citrus, orange you glad you have an ombudsperson?
OK, Snag is definitely drunk.
I will spend all my waking hours trying to prove that the so-called “Citrus Lover” is really the Grapefruit Chupacabra. I am on your tail (if you actually, you know, have a tail). I will not rest until your identity is revealed (or re-peeled).
PP: I promise to maintain the high standard of respectful discourse which has been the cornerstone of this blog since its inception. And to try and get through that last sentence with a straight face.
I’ve been selected as ombudsmooseypants, and will only post in that capacity, unless otherwise instructed. I will not blow up the blog with postings of recipes or fake sabbaticals. That’s why I still have my own. I think.
fish: do you think that Lemony Snarket here drives a citröen?
I sense a certain pithy zest in fish’s quest.
Oh, nonsense fish. Can’t you see that the Citrus Lover just wants to set the record straight? I am tempted myself to get some pumplemooses sewn into my suit too.
I will spend all my waking hours trying to prove that the so-called “Mandos” is really the Grapefruit Chupacabra. I am on your tail (if you actually, you know, have a tail). I will not rest until your identity is revealed (or re-peeled).
I KNEW something about Mandos wasn’t quite ripe.
This is getting to be like HUAC, non-Sen. fish McCarthy. Who else will you accuse of being the so-called chupacabra?
fish McCarthy?
Wasn’t he the uilleann drums player for the Pogues?
what am I, chopped liver?
I would like to complain that this blog has become way too incoherent and overuses condiments with umami.
Please pass a ban on MSG.
No, I am.
A complaint about the complaint box. Delicious.
I was waiting for that, K- that was one of the best eps of that show.
Hey Ombudsperson! Nice Pants!!