I wish to register a complaint!

Greetings fellow commenters! MD here with your complaints, my responses, and communal angst the likes of which you have not seen since high school or somewhere in the last five posts! That’s right: yours truly has been appointed ombudsperson/pants/moose/peel/bird/whatever and shall, along with my newfound comrades Mr. Billy Pilgrim (backup pants) and the Doom of Mandos (quality control) minister to the needs of commenters, address any issues related to the blog, and defend the Authors as necessary in Trial by Combat. Some kind of rota, I imagine, will be established, but for now it’s MINE! ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

Ahem. Moving on:

The anointing post spawned a large number of semi-serious complaints, some of which will be addressed in this post. The rest may be discussed at a later date, so if your concerns are not addressed at this time, rest assured that, with enough prodding and profanity, they will be in future. Also, BG threatened me with fruit unless I got “on the stick.” It’s that kind of participation we need to see more of on this blog.

Let us begin:

1) Accusations of bias

The mysterious Citrus Lover, who has informed us of apparent anti-citric bias. It is true that 3Bulls! has a long and checkered history of prejudice against citrus and related fruits, but clearly we need to hear both sides of the story. And if anyone from the American Citrusy Liberties Association happens to be reading this, be advised that we are on the case.

I invite CL to further make a peel to the commentariat, either directly in-thread or by email, should it fear retribution. I assure you that there will be no malkinite backlash or cheetos-stained “citizen journalists” taking photos of your grey faux-marble countertops. But really, those walls don’t need to be that shade of pink.

2) Song of the Day getting insufficient love during the fight-song phase

The Proprietors’ Song of the Day is a labour of such intense love that it has formed its own unseen singularity. It is only currently popular because of commenter inclusion during the baking contest, and of said commenters’ desire to have their songs listened to and commented upon. In this respect, I must side with the Authors. If SoftD is so awesome, it should have more comments than Pinko’s “We Suck” series of posts which spawned my current tenure as ombudspants in the first place.

It has been suggested that SoftD get top-level, front-page attention, which it has, although at time of posting it lacks some later entries. I believe that individually presenting them, as it were, above the fold, merely implies that the readership is itself too half-assed to click on sidebar links, when its existence and updates are clearly available.

Also, most of you have your own blogs that we read, wherein you can post these things yourselves. Just a suggestion.

3) The incredible disappearing sidebar

Linking and feeds were discorporated following pre-ombudspants complaints of slow loading times by Pinko Punko himself! At the current time most useful (read: outside) content has been restored to the blog, although load times are still somewhat lagging, at least to this blogger. Diogenes, who I understand lent a hand with database voodoo, also deserves plaudits. Well done.

This is also a gentle nudge of the antler to check out new content on the temporarily delinked 3Bulls! (and a chili dog) community of blogs which you may have missed in the interim. Except mine, which sucks.

4) Lack of MSG

Someone who shall remain nameless writes:

I would like to complain that this blog has become way too coherent and lacks condiments with sufficient umami. Please lift the ban on MSG.

I’d be flattering myself by claiming that this post mitigates the coherence of the blog, but it is true condiment cobagitation has been lacking of late. Also HNT, something which has been brought up before.

However, this blog has been busy with other things, as should be plain to see. Promoting the Bake-Off, mocking the Bake-Off, devoting an entire and sadly-ignored section of the blog for Bake-Off trash-talking purposes: these are all great services to the readership in this holiday time of goodwill and Bake-Off bloodsport. You couldn’t ask for much more.

This blog is all about the community, and it delivers. It even does take-out.

5) Udder business

You are of course welcome to rip me a new orifice of your choosing in comments if you see fit, readers and bloggers alike, and raise any new issues, up to and including the median quantity of ass and/or suckitude of this post, and the mathematical relationship between them. Otherwise you can email the ombudspants at mendaciousd at gmail dot com, whereupon the wrath of Stoorn will be brought down upon the blog.

Any questions?

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