UPDATE: Jonah Goldberg gets the treatment here.
From the Japanese EP “Next Stop Chumpagon” 3B Wreckords presents our All Star salute to John Aravosis, Paid-triot, Legend, Ass.
I was hesitant to post because there is one voice in here that I felt could be misconstrued as a particular stereotype. The stereotype that it was meant to be construed as is one of a wise guy charlatan huckster, not any other.
Emuvosis mp3 [not shown on RSS]
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Below the fold are annotated lyrics, so one can fallow the Tears of the Emuvosis.
First let me say a couple of things. One, I have nothing against the love and care of orchids. They are beautiful, incredibly diverse and evolutionarily fascinating. One’s hobbies really aren’t something of which to make light. It doesn’t help, though, if one acts like an elitist, entitled chumpstain to cultivate what seems to be an elitist, entitled hobby, even if only stereotypically, so orchid lovers please give us a pass. Battle raps are never fair. Second, I find Chris in Paris to be by far the most informative and worthwhile blogger at Americablog, so I apologize if I’ve had to make fun of the French cathouse. (Maybe I coin the wrong phrase here). Sushi and Nasdaq will forgive me because as cats, they float above it all anyway. Finally, I’d like to note that Americablog 2.0 has been in the planning stages since at least 2005, kind of like a number of Chuckles’ conquests of a miscellaneous and/or unnamed variety.
Annotated Emuvosis
up came the fancy Greek, Aravosis
thought he could ban us, shitcan us
he’s covered in lanolin, but we’re slippery
anonymouse in the house
hittin’ the comment button
he called us big girls
But he’s a chundermuffin
here’s a word picture, who can it be
gigantic head another dimension
like a one man emu convention
calls himself an activist
needs a visit from the smacktivist
did somebody call Pinko- hello here I am
by the way his skin looks like a yam
don’t mean to be looksist and cruel
but we called that color “orange” in school
you totally fell for my lyrical hypnosis
you knew I was talking about John Aravosis
two things pathetic and whack
cats named Sushi and Nasdaq
plus john in a room equals
baby makes three
catsitting for chris in [ ] paris
hey kids, its americablog 2.0
like a story from long ago
you’ve heard it for forever
but how soon is never
cuz thats when you’ll see it
a steaming pile of bullshit
off the top of my head
americablog 2.0 and leaving iraq
two things with time scales unknowable
unfathomable like a cat named nasdaq
no sillies they are two things
you don’t have to choose
they can BOTH be measured
in 6 month intervals, known as FUs
I must stop to admit
two areas where your expertise are chief
expensive orchids and jeff gannons man beef
not a lot of ground to cover
8 1/2 inches in the scheme of things
albeit uncut is less than it seems
question: how much can it possibly cost
i’m a big girl so i’m totally lost
math is hard, i’m in a fogger
i thought your blog was hosted by blogger
more that that its automatic
just plug in the RSS from atrios, you’re so tragic
stealing other peoples shit, its like magic
presto its time for another americablog fundraiser
what are you building, a giant space laser
how do you sleep without being phasered
do you scrub your conscience with a magic eraser
i know you thought big girl
should have gone off without a hitch
instead it blew up with a bang
just another instance of gay slang
everyone should have known in that sitch
the words you were reaching for were whiny and bitch
already got the treo
the slingbox is phat
wait, what is that
Jonny A-list showing up to chime
help a brother out one more time
got some orchids to fuck on the readers dime
so sad to be you got your hair in a muss
throwin’ the transpeople under the bus
once all the mark now marthas are laid out on the deck
you can take an important stand for chief illiniwek
sucks to be you making 75 large
not enough money to hire a charles in charge
I got a house you should be inhabitin’
a GOP built structure known as a log cabinin
Prepare yourself for the Doom of Mandos
I’d rather catch a case
of Shigellosis
Trichinosis
Or Legionellosis
I’d even get down with
Campylobacteriosis
Salmonellosis
Brucellosis
Than start to think like
Aravosis
Like the hammer of Thor!
Lights out!!
Aravosis signing off:
|>
|_/
_|
Emuticons make my day.
How appropriate that it’s looking over its back. So paranoid. I can’t imagine why.
Who knew that inside Pinko was a rap genius waiting to get out!
If I were a rabbit, I’d rather a case of Myxomatosis than an encounter and censorship from John Aravosis.
I agree with fish. This is so def, it requires Thor’s Hammer to capture its rumbling fury.
OK, that was awesome. Now we’re waiting for teh comeback! Oh…what is that I hear? He ain’t got nothing?
You need an indie label. Maybe call it “Sushi says gloob records.”
Brilliant.
Battle raps are never fair.
this needs to go in Words of Wisdom.
“As an aside, you may have noticed that I haven’t done a fundraiser on the blog (for the blog) in a very long time. Our ad sales finally became sufficient to cover our costs.”
What costs? BLOGGER IS FREE COBAG! These costs must be related to something else…like cigars and five dollar to burn for warmth when the electricity gets shut off because he can’t pay his bills with 75,000 a year.
Chuck,
Their costs are paying their salaries- this is their job. To read the news services before they get linked by other bloggers.
I don’t think that is illegitimate in itself, but you know, lying and unethical behavior, those are problems. He also probably is eating your cookies as we speak.
He also probably is eating your cookies as we speak.
Don’t you mean “so to speak”?
you may have noticed that I haven’t done a fundraiser on the blog (for the blog) in a very long time
SO BE THANKFUL PETULANT MINIONS
K-
I’d have noticed, but I haven’t intentionally gone there in quite a while. Quantity never trumps quality.
Wow! A link from a Whiskey Fire Post which was linked by Atrios!
And two click throughs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Fucking brill.
(Yeah, I came from Whiskey Fire. And now I’m going back.)
ahab,
you have made my week. Once, we got 3000 click throughs from a link and zero comments. From hells heart I spit my thanks at thee!
Great blog. Killer song.
I don’t read AmericaBlog any more, mostly due to the Big Girl contro. And the fact that John is a cobag. And stuff.
Well done. In fact, awesome.
Emuvosis is an incredibly brilliant, although disturbing, concept, btw.
PS My dad raised orchids, but he managed to do so without being a chumpstain. Or rich. So it is possible.
My dad does orchids too. I feel bad about slamming J-man for that, but it is kind of the cherry on top of the sundae.
People! Let the orchids be free!!!