PODCATS STUPID LOOSERS

YES YOU HEARD ME CHOADS. I HAVE HONORED JONAH GOLDBERG WITH A SPOKEN WORD PREFOMRMANCE/PODCATS OF HIS DEEPLY MOVING AND WISE WORDS REGARDING HIS CRITICS. I ALSO CONTINUE TO SMACK DOWN STUPID SLAPPERS WITH THE CONSTANT CHIRP OF CRICKETS THAT I HEAR IN MY EAR REGARDING THEIR NON-RESPONSE TO MY BATTLE RAPPING THEIR ASSES BACK TO THE STONED AGE.

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ALTERNATIVELY:

PODCATS

19 Responses to “PODCATS STUPID LOOSERS”


  • what. the. f***.

    Chocolate skittles time.

  • He sounds like Dr. Evil. Which leads me to ask, do those podcats have lasers on their heads?

  • You know it!

    Did you hear that bit at the end? What the hell was that? It is like Trollypants recycled a cassette tape no remembering what used to be on it!!!!!

  • Maybe using Jonah’s own words wasn’t the best way to go about honoring him. All I remember is “Jonah Goldberg’s words” and “dog vomit”. How ’bout we honor him with something he really excels at: his own sense of self importance?

  • Yeah, then I’ll be accused of being a remora, and Capt. T will never stop posting.

  • I think I have my new ringtone.

  • we do not gnaw on the kitteh!

  • I think it takes a Bleater to know a Bleater.

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Wow, it ends just like The Boy with the Arab Strap.

  • It would have if CT had any taste.

  • Geez, the things we put up with in the name of balance. Who let this guy in, anyway? He makes Goldberg seem lucid by comparison.

  • Those are all Goldberg’s words. I’m not thinking that their is a comparison that does JG any favors..

  • I have to admit I like the reverb.

  • Jonah also crushes 3B in the tedious page loading department. I think the computer itself doesn’t want to see that fucking smiley face.

  • After the tour de force of “Constipation 9,” many believed that Capt. Trollypants would never be able to top himself. Rather than return to the same bombastic territory and deliver “Constipation 10,” the Captain veered into a quieter, yet fiercer direction, a seething rage akin to Ann Althouse reaching the bottom of her wine box before the end of American Idol. “Podcats Stupid Loosers” comes at the listener with the disarming spoken-word singing of Suzanne Vega’s “Tom’s Diner.” But where that track served to paint a slice of life, “Podcats Stupid Loosers” obliterates all life with a shotgun blast of Chocolate Skittle-fueled derision. With each “stanza” — if such a structural term could be applied to this fire hose of consciousness — the words build with a fake-pudding flavored intensity, as if Trollypants cannot wait to spit them out of his mouth. Yet there’s a precision to the madness, and the listener can practically feel Trollypants constructing his lines with cut-out words from magazines, pasting each word into place with the deliberate psychosis of Michelle Malkin writing about sending illegal aliens to the slaughterhouse, except that the abattoir Trollypants deports us to is the one hidden in the couch cushions of our souls. Essential.

  • WTF?

    ELEVEN MINUTES? WHAT IS THIS, SOME KIND OF EARLY RUSH-PROG SCREACHY HOMAGE TO THE FRIGGIN SILMARILLION??? GET PETER GABRIEL ON THE LINE, SUPPER’S READY PART 2!!!

    JOEY RAMONE WOULD SMASH THIS ONETWOTHREEFOUR RIGHT BACK INTO YOUR FOREHEAD AND GO ON TO BEAT ON YOU, BRAT, WITH A BASEBALL BAT!!!

    WAS THAT THE MOST BORING THING?? LLIKE METAL MACHINE MUSIC EXCEPT MOR E HORRIBLE. LIKE IN-A-GADDA-DA-VIDA EXCEPT THE DRUMMER DOESN’T EXPLODE, AND THE DRUMS GO ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON…..

    Oh, I see. It’s a defense of Jonah, so it’s as unending as is his love for CHEETOS.

    Seriously, get a producer. He’d cut that crap to a tight 3:15, pop it into a single and aim for the charts.

    EXCEPT OF COURSE, FOR THE ATROCIOUS MIX. STOP WORKING ON A FRICKING REALISTIC TAPE RECORDER, HOSECHUMPS!!!

    AMG is, of course, just trying to pump up the sales for Amazon.

  • AMG is going to have a Kennedy Center Honors before this is done. AMG makes it all worthwhile.

    Also, thank you kids, I know the Captain is heartened by your kind words.

    Up next, the phone book!

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