This is not a filler post.
This is a post to address certain minor issues which have been clawing for the attention of the Ombudsmoose for various periods of time. Kindly bear with us, as there is important news below.
Today, we address nefarious outside influences, since there is nothing to complain about here. If there is, you should know the drill by now (or, preemptively, at least a bit).
We begin, in true half-assed fashion, with the important news that trolls on certain other fine blogs are aware of all internet traditions.
This may be the first instance of a troll doing something useful in the history of the ol’ tubes, and we applaud the success of their continued mocking. The estimable John Cole has much, much more on this meta-meme.
Second, Pinko Punko notes the suspicious silence of the Canadian Curling Association on the Strange Mystery of the Severed Feet in the Water. He writes:
could the ombuds address the Canadia Severed Foot issue, and not to belittle this macabre situation, but has the CCA commented? It is irresponsible not to speculate. If we were CNN we would pronounce our conventional wisdom as fact.
Sadly, the facts of the matter are that six [EDIT: the sixth was a hoax] severed shoe-clad feet (five right, one left) have washed ashore in various parts areas of the Lower Mainland. Their origin has yet to be confirmed, but marine accidents have been suggested as a possible culprit.
Also, there is at least one woman’s foot which has been found in this fashion, putting at least one particular theory to rest.
The CCA has declined to launch an internal investigation. Speculation, as always, is heartily encouraged. Grippers or sliders? Only time will tell.
M. Night Shyamalan, remarkably, has yet to purchase the movie rights.
More importantly, we should like to remind the Editor that “Canadia” is a purely imaginary place, inhabited by poutine-eating bilingual chain-smoking ice fishermen who uptalk a lot. No such area exists in the Great White North. We suspect PP has been using Conservapedia as a reference. Or possibly Bob and Doug McKenzie.
HOWEVER, because you have all been so good as to read this far, we have received persimmon to declare a new contest!!!!1!1!!! In the spirit of redundancy, the contest is to determine the best idea for a contest. Ideas for contests, methods, and prizes may be entered below, with the winner getting… a chance to enter the contest along with everyone else.
Out of respect for our imminently pupating colleagues, this contest will run until the end of the month, at which point a vote will be held in the traditional fashion. Which is to say: the most complex variation of the democratic process we can determine. Consider it practice for the upcoming election.
Don’t say we never do anything for you, dear readers, but if you find that this is indeed the case, complaints may be submitted to the usual address.