In praise of finger-scrolling practice

It was with some trepidation that we read several minor critiques of our avian colleague’s recommendation on a longish post on the great Richard Pryor. Fortunately, being a resourceful moose, we have the perfect rebuttal to these naysayers. I give you Puff Daddy Puffy P. Diddy The Artist Currently Known as Sean Coombs on the importance of not abbreviating that which needs to be said, played, or in this case, spun. And yes, rumour has it that he somewhat compromised at the time, chemically speaking. Do enjoy:

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

It could be argued that the above is not safe for work, at least without headphones, so be warned that a chorus of wondrous bleeps will be emanating into your ears.

On a related note, the censored version is much funnier than the unedited version. Make of that what you will.

We should like to further add that we were somehow under the impression that it was Snoop Dogg on this track, and we would like to thank Pinko Punko for correcting this error and also uploading the file. 3Bulls: now with pre-emptive self-correction.

Udder Business:

In these times of increasing poverty, we are reduced to a single commenter whose concerns demand to be addressed. Billy Pilgrim Jean Rotten notes in comments:


And it certainly is. Oh, he continues:

This blogg is much less incomprehensible lately. If only there was some entity, of Cervidae persuasion perhaps, who could be contacted with suggestions or mild reproof.


I think we need an interpretation from the Moose. Or at least a Ferret.

Currently there is no opening for the position of ombudsferret at this blog. We also suspect such a creature would be more at home in Rudy Giuliani’s office.

As per contractual agreement, all disciplinary matters have been referred to the DOOM OF MANDOS for further consideration.

As for interpretation, we were under the impression that the Readership is more than adequate to the task of taking, say, a set of contest rules and bending them to their own nefarious needs.

Democracy at work. Carry on.

Finally, we note with concern that it has been ten days since the last post, and the emus are growing more and more restless. Will Pugsleypants redeem us all? Will the triumphant return of HNT sate the troubled masses? Will, dare I say it, a rain of secret chundermuffins cleanse us all with its putrefying fire? Kindly submit your suggestions through the usual channels.

33 Responses to “In praise of finger-scrolling practice”

  • What do the emu masses think about a place that serves you a pastrami sandwich with less that the requisite amount of pastrami because they are running out but don’t tell you that? Would you rather not have them serve you the sandwich at all?

  • I think the artist formerly known as Sean Combs would prefer the full 13 minutes worth of pastrami.

  • I am sending this shout out to the loaded pastrami sandwiches of the world.

  • A pastrami sandwich without the propah amount of pastrami is not a pastrami sandwich at all but a cheap sample of Donald Byrd’s trumpets and an overly noticeable and endless loop of an overused Lige Curry bass line from the second side of The Electric Spanking of War Babies. It’s not enough and it’s also insulting.

  • I would burn that place on Chowhound. I would call the manager over and say that you had a n=3 three days earlier, and then I would maybe threaten to burn the actual place down. You got to let that marinate. Hit them with the 14 minute version of that.

  • They should have served a *sample* pastrami sammich, at a reduced price.

    That woulda been fair.

  • It is true that the second half of the sandwich is not as good as the first. If they could give you two first halves, and then maybe a backrub, that would be acceptable.

  • Dear Ombudsman,

    We are very grateful that Mr. P. Punko has stopped resorting to cheap humor at the expense of grapefruit, as we have not seen references to a grapefruit “chupacabra” in a long time. Thank you, Mr. Punko, for avoiding further public misinformation. It’s possible to have a funny blog without denigrating your hesperidical friends.

    However, we note that it is possible to commit sins of omission as well as commission. For this reason, we feel the need to inform you of our further concerns. There has not been sufficient efforts on this blog to mention grapefruit in a positive manner in order to counteract the damage Mr. Punko has done in the past. In particular, we have not seen any images of him posing with delicious grapefruit. We hope to see, ideally, a live feed of Mr. Punko lovingly stroking a luscious grapefruit, and we’d really appreciate if you could post his exact geographical coordinates with the live feed.

    Thank you.

    The Citrus Fashion Association

  • We already know that Bjork has been corrupted by Big Grapefruit.

  • I think I’ll do it!

    Only if this is somehow amalgamated with HNT. Or waffles.

  • Has there every been a pairing of grapefruit with bacon? Is this legal? Or even ethical?

    Oh no… once again, not being able to resist the fish theory of “If you Google it, it will exist”, I found this.

  • What Jennifer said.

    By 1993, widespread reports linking baconated grapefruit to a rise in cases of testicular cancer, spontaneous gender reassignment, hair-loss, painful severe erections, anal leakage, and early onset of senile dementia appeared in the mass media. However, these were downplayed by Hormel spokesmen, who claimed the allegations were “just a lot of silliness being bandied about by so-called ‘doctors’ with advanced degrees.”


  • So you are saying I have to quit my job to explore the various wonders of the Uncyclopedia.

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    I would comment on this, but I’m being suppressed by big oatmeal.

  • I’m not saying nothing about what you have to do while pretending to work, Mr. P. Punko.


    Unfortunately, zombie John McCain will refuse to cede power to his Vice-President Joe “SoreLoserman” Lieberman. Zombie McCain will argue that the United States has a long history of allowing the undead to hold elective office, citing the examples of Strom Thurmond, Robert Byrd, and Ronald Reagan. Before the Supreme Court could decide the case, Cthulhu will awaken and devour zombie McCain, Lieberman, the Supreme Court, and most of Congress. Cthulhu then will declare himself President of the United States and begin his dark reign of ten thousand years. Zombie McCain will be briefly brought back to unlife by Cthulhu in 2063 to run as token opposition against Cthulhu in the 2064 United States Presidential Election, after which, zombie McCain will be devoured by Cthulhu again as part of his Inauguration ceremonies on January 20, 2065.

    Now obviously this is all crazy talk.

    Why would John McCain pick a liberal like Joe Lieberman for Vice President, when he’s got a manly Conservative man like Huckleberry Graham at his side (constantly)?


  • Huckleberry Graham


    Would McCain consider grapefruit as a running mate? He might get Florida’s vote.

  • The grand unification theory.

    Who knew blueberries were also involved?

  • Citrus lover cannot resist THE TRUTH! I will be silent no more.

  • Huckleberry Graham


    It looks like Lindsey has let yet another man (besides Lieberman) come between him and McSame.

    Or maybe Lindsey’s just into the group thing.


    Plastic Betrand, for no particular reason.

  • Cthulu prefers crepefruit.

  • But Cthulhu prefers crepefhruit.

  • I am outraged to see this introduced onto the internet by others. Who is responsible for maintaining the pork product update page here?

    Also, I hope that I still remember how to link websites correctly in comments

  • The Power of Pork compels you!

    The Power of Pork compels you!

  • I am outraged to see this introduced onto the internet by others.

    Old news.


    C.F. PIG LASERS!!!one!!

    C.F. WTF?

  • That’s the difference between pigs and bacon. I’m looking for the “bacon Bike,” featuring strips of delicious bacon cooked on the heat of the engine.

    Or, this. We should sponsor someone next year…

  • This blog is endeadening, so let’s spice it up with a contest. The last contest attempt (funny signs) didn’t work out so well, so let’s try something more cerebral.

    TV shows you would watch.

    Describe a nonexistent serial TV drama—actors, premise, setting, and so on—that seems particularly apropos or revealing. Funniest one as judged by me wins. Bonus points if it’s hilarious but network execs might put it on TV as a serious show. No reality shows. I’m thinking of Law’n’Order or Pushing Daisies or that kind of thing. I’m thinking of outlawing SF because there are too many geeks here, but if it’s sufficiently original I’ll consider it.

    If anything like your idea appears on TV in the future, you could sue for copyright infringement.* So the more ideas you come up with, the more you could be potentially limiting the field for TV producers to come up with new ideas. What fun!

    *I am not a lawyer.

  • Accidentally Citrus Lover

    Ooops. I guess I’ve accidentally posted as the Citrus Lover so I have to keep up with alternate IDs in order to avoid revealing my real identity. Let’s just say, I love biology.

  • I’d like to watch a show entitled, “The Accidental Citrus Lover”.

  • I vote for “The Accidental Torus,” modeled of course after Flatland, wherein contestants vie for promotion into ever-increasing numbers of dimensions.

    The first to reach quantum superposition wins. Or not.

  • Except if anyone knows that they won they are no longer citrus…

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