Junk food

There has been a recent plea shouted into the dark vacuum of the internet:

Also, what can the ombudscommittee do about this travesty appearing in my inbox

Junk Foods That Could Save Your Life
August 7, 2009

From Cheez Whiz to blue M&M’s, here are five dietary don’ts with surprising health virtues. More…

Fortunately for Kathleen, wagons of ombud (this is not what the MoH thinks it is) can hear just fine in a vacuum.

Kathleen is correct, immediate action is needed. I, Ombudwagon, will take this important responsibility onto myself. Much like the several months I spent deeply researching issues regarding esoteric pornography other stuff, I will now throw myself into dealing with the travesty that has assaulted Kathleen from this e-missive. I believe the action items for dealing with the aforementioned problem are:

1) Transfer the entire abomination to one Pinko Punko using a preferred method of e-transfer.

2) Someone temporarily un-fire one Pinko Punko until such time as he can post the e-transferred e-missive in its e-ntirety into Delish or Disgust. Re-termination (or even re-animation if the timing is good) can be immediately enacted upon completion of his duties.

3) Tapping into the power of the internets, we can then  “crowdsource” the validity of the purported health claims for the various “junk foods.” Volunteers will extreme test each foodstuff for its potential health benefits and report back results to the central junk food bureau of standards and measures.

N.B.  Experimentation is encouraged in maximizing potential benefits through food synergies. E.g. Would Cheez Whiz Blue M&M pie confer additive or synergistic benefits to the eater?

4) Once the data has been carefully vetted and all important conclusions have been made, we will then proceed to ignore the report because who actually reads D or D anyway? Well at least it isn’t Celebrity Dream Cameo…

12 Responses to “Junk food”


  • thank god for the 3B community. It takes a village, people.

    In the interest of full disclosure, this is the other email I received today:
    Etsy Finds: Snag a Weekend Deal!?
    From: Etsy (etsy@www-etsy.ccsend.com) on behalf of Etsy (donotreply@etsy.com)
    Sent: Fri 8/07/09 5:55 PM

    how much of a discount on Snag are we getting, exactly?

  • I’ve created a monster.

    Snags everywhere prefer the term Pre-lived in.

  • That’s me, second from the right.

  • I have fear that my position will be summarily terminated, and I will be assigned to WND, or worse, Jonah Goldberg.

    I think ZRM needs an omsbudsomething at his place.
    ~

  • good god no.

    what a horrible, horrible thing to say.

  • I think ZRM needs an omsbudsomething at his place.

    Don’t you mean zombudsomething?

  • An Omgonnaeatyerheadsperson

  • Nomnombudsman.

  • 3) Tapping into the power of the internets, we can then ”crowdsource” the validity of the purported health claims for the various “junk foods.” Volunteers will extreme test each foodstuff for its potential health benefits and report back results to the central junk food bureau of standards and measures.

    N.B. Experimentation is encouraged in maximizing potential benefits through food synergies. E.g. Would Cheez Whiz Blue M&M pie confer additive or synergistic benefits to the eater?

    We at the Citrus Fashion Association would like to congratulate the fair and balanced approach Mr. Ombudswagon has taken in writing this suggestion. This goes some distance in combating the supposedly scientific but highly prejudiced reductionism in conventional allopathic medicine. Needless to say, the Citrus Fashion Association prefers a more holistic approach to human health.

    That is why we support the wearing and use of citrus products, not merely the eating of it. We know that the wearing, for instance, of a citrus scarf (we, too, are fans of etsy) causes very tiny doses of citrus related compounds into the human body. This is known to promote the satiated well-being of citrus-related entities.

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