1) I just discovered that the French for “snowy plover” is “gravelot à collier interrompu“. Which no doubt translates as “abortive attempt to empty a coal freighter onto a burial site”.
This is clear defamation on the part of the French. I am aware of no plover in possession of a coal freighter who would allow such a commission to go unfinished.
No doubt the French for “taxonomist” is “tchieundère-mouphaine”.
2) Where is my car with a turbot engine?
Forget flying cars — as the 50s teaches us, the most important part of any car is fins. Therefore it’s obvious that the fins should be in the engine where they can do the most good. When you open the hood the of a car, there ought to be flatfish staring back you, just waiting to give you the freedom of the open road.
3) Notice anything wrong with this list?
Of course you do: no moose! Thus the perverse priorities of scientists are revealed yet again.
Note that they have cloned ferrets. That means there could be a standardized ferret for ferret curling. There’s only one problem: who ever heard of curling with a frakkin’ ferret? I mean, sure, there’s “ferret legging”, and also that bit of the Laws of Cricket (Law 5, §9.xlvii, I think) that allows for “the use of a ferret as a replacement ball if the standard issue ball is a) rendered irretrievable by a spacetime anomaly, or b) eaten by a badger1“, but curling?
On the other hand, all attempts to establish moose curling as an international sport have floundered solely on the lack of agreement on a standard for moose. There is thus a far greater need for a standardized moose than a standardized ferret.
The director of the Bank of Molemensbury has indicated an interest in funding such a project. However, actually releasing any funds would require first finding a way to end the century-and-a-half long siege of the bank by flaming dormice.
- A further section defines “badger” as “all those creatures listed in the section ‘On Baddgers’ in the 6th Earl of Gravelotham’s 1523 Hountsman’s Lawes.” This includes “Baddgers, stoattes, dormice:-common, New World terrappins, hedgewhigs, Tyggers, parsnips, dormice:-flame Brething, the Earl of Molemensbury, & ferale terriers:-of wieght one-halfe to 1 and two-third stone.” There is a note that the measure for “stone” is the one in use in Hertfordshire at the time, not the more recent standardized unit. Also, as no one has determined what his Lordship meant by a “hedgewhig”, nothing going by that name counts for purposes of this rule. [back]