UPDATE: No, guys, you have your own feature every year. We go WAY back. And back (and related strewn nearby in archives). And back. Did we do it in 2005? It’s a blur. It’s a form of love- ask Hogan. We do love you, even Grayson Currin. END UPDATE
Crystal Ball Says:
Nate Patrollypantins: Hey guys, I don’t feel like going out to the shows this weekend. I was excited that I just turned in my Masters thesis on the effect of prison on T.I. and wanted to celebrate but then I saw these old people making their pathetic jokes about Pitchfork and was sad. Cue Members Only refs, Small Wonder joke and something about Social Security and Golden Earring.
Ian Cohen: I wrote mine about Rihanna. F*ck you, Patrin.
Grayson Currin: Everyone, everyone! The new whale birth mashup with the latest Swedish producers’ naif muse has been delivered in 175 g format! Ha ha, I was being ironic, it isn’t an ultimate frisbee, but I tricked you into playing along. You thought it was a record. And I know you remember those from the first time around. I hope you enjoy your 78s.
Philip Sherburne: Epic, technicolor, massive, gargantuan, chilling. I’m describing a 20 minute bore-core house track or a delicious sub and my subsequent food poisoning. Also, the song hasn’t been released yet and I can’t tell you what was on the sub.
Tom Ewing: Whew, I finally found the perfect shite UK Top 40 pop-hop import only craptrap to take up a spot that could more deservingly go to Neko Case, Camera Obscura, Clientele or even Lady Gaga. Also, suck it!
Rob Mitchum: Guys, guys, guys. Would it really kill you to find a way to get MGMT “Time to Pretend” on the list three years in a row? All I am asking is one simple thing.
Mark Hogan: There is a 50% chance I will write some good reviews of great songs and an equal chance that I will go careening through the warehouse store of bad metaphors goofed up on zoobies and pop rocks about some stultifyingly mediocre song- it would be Interpol if they had a platter this year. That’s how I roll. Brooklyn, where you at? [Ed note: nobody talks like this, not even cartoon versions of Mark to the H O]
Joe Tangari: I’ve selected my tasteful mainstream indie tracks that are deserving of being on the list. I’ve also decided to write about them with my usual restraint.