In our last column, ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and Gregor both ask where everyone has gone.
As usual, we have no useful answers to this, so instead we turn to the Oracle itself, Jim Thome’s (possibly fake) Twitter account:
DO YOU GUYS WANT TO KNOW THE AWFUL TRUTH ABOUT THE INTERWEBS OR DO YOU WANT TO SEE JIM JAM HIT SOME DINGERS?
I believe the answer is clear. Let us further explore this wisdom. On Salinger:
I NEVER DID UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD PLACE YOUR CATCHER ON SOME BREAD
A no-trade clause, perhaps?
I HOPE YOU AREN’T SERIOUS ABOUT WANTED FISTED CUFFS, @FAKEOZZIE. JIMMERS IS A LOVER NOT A FIG
Fisted Cuffs. We sense an impending fashion trend. And figs
And, a further sign that the Pork Snorkel is slowly seeping into the sports culture:
I WOULD LIKE TO ADMIT TO THE USAGE OF HAM TO HELP ME HIT LOTS OF DINGERS
And immediately following:
YOUR SUPPORT MAKES JIMMERS FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIS USAGE OF CURED MEATS TO GAIN A COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE
While we do not normally condone posting in all caps, but we feel it is justified in this case. Commenters take note: this is only acceptable in cases of poking fun at sports fans. Example.
If you have any questions, I am certain Mr. Thome will be happy to answer them. DINGERS.
MD, we have a Jim Thome category.
THFJTC or something like that.
Fixed!
I had forgotten that otherwise nonsensical acronym was related.
“THE ISLAND IS A METAPHOR” killed me. Definitely would not work without the all-caps.
And LOL at “we have a Jim Thome category.” Of course this blog would.
I was mistaken- we have TWO Jim Thome cats. The other is “Jim Thome’s ****”
I HAVE BEEN A FAN OF THIS BLOG OF AND ON FOR 40 YRS.
TWO Jim Thome cats.
I think I prefer the Louis Wain cats…
TWO Jim Thome cats.
Sure they can catch mice, but I would rather see them hit dingers.
If this doesn’t draw Teh out of the woodwork nothing will.
JIM JAMS MAN HAM IS ALL NAT
ALERT: fish puns over at Sadly No.
That is all. I mean, besides the fact that fish is stealing my comments again.
JIMJAM NEVER STOLE ANYTHING NOT EVEN BASES
JIM JAM EATS FISH ON FRIDAY HITS DINGERS ALL WEEK
Oh HERE YOU ARE!
JIMJAM NEVER GETS DITCHED IN THE OLD THREAD
JIMJAM STEALS BASES IF STEALIN BASES MEANS HITS DINGERS
JIM FEARS ONE THING AND ITS NOT CATS
WOULD REALLY LIKE TO COMMENT OVER HERE….
EMERGENCY
Von reports difficulties making comments in the Bullsy Arena.
In the interest of fairness and adequate representation from teh Second City, I suggest we feed the hamsters.
Von can’t hit dingers.
Von’s comments went right to spam. Perhaps if she adhered to more JIMJAM and less JAMJIM this could have been averted.
what now?
let’s not bicker and argue about who can hit dingers. This should be a happy occasion.
THE HAMSTERS MUST NOT BE DISTURBED
if they weren’t a bit disturbed, would they be working here?
HOORAY FOR THE VONBUDSPERSON, DINGIT!
~
testing…testing…..
this thing on??
VON STILL IS HAVING PROBLEMS WITH THE DINGERS.
SHE’S READY TO TAKE A HOSTAGE, SERIOUSLY. CAN WE GET SMALLTIME BEEF TO BLESS THE BLOG, OR A BACON INTERVENTION OR SOMETHING?
I shall sacrifice some liver cells this evening to appease the Akismet gremlins.
Also, I note the presence of ACTUAL spam in ancient threads. These things may be related.
this blog needs more STB
There’s a lot of unhappy hamsters out there. I fear they may mutate to be come spamsters.
PERHAPS TH HAMSTERS WOULD BE HAPPIER IF THEY HIT A FEW DINGERS
HAMSTERS CAN’T HIT DINGERS.
THEY CAN BARELY LIFT KIBBLE.
KIBBLE ON, MY WAYWARD ZOMBIE!
MMMMM HAMSTERS WITH JAM AND DING DONGS!
PupH is objectively pro-hamster.
FRICASSEED, A LA KING, A LA MODE….MMMMM HAMSTERS!
JIM FEARS ONE THING AND ITS NOT CATS
MUSRUM IS TERRIBLY AFRAID OF SPONGE-CATS
A LA MODE
The most frequent value of hamsters?
JIMJAM ADDED VON TO THE WHITELIST
Now, to think of something good to say….