Prepared remarks

It is our duty to address the state of the blog, given recent developments in health care reform, such as the fact that it’s even happening in America. Welcome to the latter half of the 20th century.

The blog’s excellent benefits plan will continue unimpeded, although a slightly higher deductible will apply to the Claimed Bourbon Allowance, as outlined in section OMG (WTF), subsection eleventy!!!1! This is not to be confused with subsection eleventy!!1!! which is solely concerned with maintaining non-lethal levels of cuteness when posting pictures of Goobie.

Emu egg sales are expected to increase sharply, which should offset any higher premiums, and along with pork snorkel futures averaged net profits are projected to maintain their steady growth of 0%. Construction of the llama topiary will continue, however, as NEA grants do not count as part of the operating budget, and is expected to begin turning a profit upon completion next year.

Unfortunately, we are still in the midst of an economic downturn, and so a few sacrifices will have to be made, most notably that the life-size tribute to Støørn is immediately suspended pending a better price on blue Skittles. In addition, the budget for this year’s Moose Curling Tournament and Staff Retreat has been slashed to virtually nothing, owing to continued payment of damages incurred during last year’s retreat.

Also, to maintain an adequate level of confusion, the next contest to be announced is cancelled.

Any other business?

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