Our New Faith

Geenie C. had an awesome dream. Allow me to paraphrase from her hazy memory, although I believe his fishness will enjoy to the tutmost.

She was at the gym and was about to start a step class or similar and instead of starting the class, the instructors rolled out this display- it sounded like it was like the easel with the large pad of paper a la Win, Lose, or Draw (“Hi Bert, I’m a midwestern zombie who eats brains and loves to play Win, Lose or Draw!” We have dated ourselves here and cast aspersions). Or it might have been a white board or chalk board on wheels. Either way, the instructors said they had something to share with the class and that sharing was a new religion and when they said this they revealed the name of the religion, and I poops you not, the name of the religion was “ScienceTragédie” or something like that- GC said it was all one word and there was an accent somewhere. Anyhow, the details were sketchy but GC pretty much bounced out of there because she was thinking “Wha?” In the next seen GC is looking our our bedroom window with the Goob, and it appears that there is a couple, perhaps mother and daughter in our yard. They happen to be picking all of the flowers in our yard (the beflowered state of the yard is a major clue that reality is being warped). GC goes outside to ask the people to stop picking all of our flowers and they proceed to start in on their religion, ScienceTragédie, a la JW door-to-door style. Then I think she woke up.

I urge our non-me reader to help 3B fill in the blanks about this important new faith by working out in comments exactly how ScienceTragédie could work.

25 Responses to “Our New Faith”

  • I refuse to entertain this religion unless one of the tenets is ALLOWING ZOMBIES TO COMMENT ON DELISH OR DISGUST ZARDOZ THREADS.

  • LOL! I love this! This sounds like a dream I would have! I’ll have to think of this new religion… or sleep on it.

    The plucking of another’s blooms seem pertinent…

  • In the beginning, there was the Cheese of Ennui, and the universe consisted of said cheese and an infinite amount of boredom, for there was only the Great Cheese. So, out of said boredom, the Cheese of Ennui created time, for the Great and Powerful Cheese decided if it had to be somewhere on time, instead of being nowhere outside of time, things might get interesting. And lo, things did get a bit more interesting, but not as interesting as the great Ya-whey had hoped. So the Cheese of Ennui created cows and man, so that the universe could be filled with more cheese of many varieties that might provide some conversation. And lo, did man and bovine praise the Great Cheese and beseeched it for the wisdom of curdling, which the Great Cheese bestowed in a man named Cheddarus of Lactosistan. And Cheddarus did milk his cows, and churn his milk, and produce cheese on his own. And it was good.

    The Gospel of Cheese spread faster than the Great Cheese anticipated, however, for while great, the Cheese of Ennui was still a piece of cheese and somewhat shortsighted. And man created the cheese shop, and the dairy case, and Harry and David, and soon man no longer prayed to the Cheese of Ennui, but instead believed that science was responsible for all cheese in the land. And how the Cheese of Ennui wept, huge tears that became a flood of sauce that covered the earth for 1000 years. And thus was the tragedy born out of the science that rejected the Great Cheese of Ennui.

  • LOL!

    You had me at “Cheese of Ennui”.

  • I’m a polytheist here- was it not Cheeses? Cheeses of Nastybreath?

  • Cheeses Christ, Brando!

    That was awesome.

  • What Brando forgets is everything he recounts happened inside an asteroid in the center of the galaxy. The souls of all of these cheeses actually were entombed in Slurpee machines, so to free them from these tombs, you drink as many slurpees as possible and you accumulate points that can be redeemed in the afterlife. This doesn’t even begin to cover the Mu Ming Poos or the Susemu Tonegawemus of the world.

  • The Great Wheel spins ever onward.

  • Sink Lettuce is going to be very angry.

  • Sink Lettuce and Grapefruit Chupacabra are the punishers of the unbelievers. Those unspeakables are discussed in the 70s wood bowl salad section.

  • I have had a revelation. Consider the following:

    1. Flying Spaghetti Monster
    2. The Cheese of Ennui
    3. Infinite Hero Bacon


    Also, “Sciencetragedie” is an anagram for “Genie’s Cat De-Icer.” Make of that what you will.

  • At the heart of ScienceTragédie, as MenD came dangerously close to revealing, is the central religious tenant of ScienceTragédie, the cat (Catsup) that is neither dead nor alive (do not open the box). The symbol for ScienceTragédie is the unopened box (worn on a gold chain around the neck of ScienceTragédie High School girls around the world). Catsup has existed on other planets and is continually reincarnated (after someone opens the box). He has been known by many names, Scooter, Mr. Buttons, Snowball, and he often has devout worshippers. The central catma of the religion is that we can never know both where catma is and where he is going at the same time.

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  • Have enough daiquiris and you’ll say everything twice.

  • Outstanding post, I believe people should learn a lot from this web blog its very user pleasant.

  • I am very user pleasant too.

  • This reminds me that my local 7-Eleven failed to have any coffee Slurpees this summer, just the usual durien mix instead. I think this year they called it “Amp” or something.

    It was highly distressing.

  • I am going to the local Chinese grocery to buy my first durien this weekend. Shock and vomit all around.

  • Durien can be tasty if you let it reprogram your nervous system first. It takes a few bites before the reprogramming occurs, then you can’t have enough.

  • I am pretty psyched, but the opening will take place outside…

  • I dunno how good it will be imported though. The correct preparation is over shaved ice with a bit of sweetened coconut milk in South-East Asia.

  • I predict you will not be able to put it in your mouth. The smell is like a wet towel left in a gym locker for a few weeks.

  • I dunno how good it will be imported though.

    They come in frozen I think. I will eat it if it kills me.

  • We tried the frozen. I can;t remember if I ate some or not. I may have passed out.

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