Big Taxonomy strikes again

In a move possibly revealing their secret relationship with the Canadian Curling Association, the American Ornithological Union — a front organization if I ever saw one — is autocratically reordering the furniture of the universe. Citing “genetic” “information” from “scientists”, they have decided that snowy plovers are a distinct species, not a sub-species of Kentish plovers as previously thought, and thus must be known as Charadrius nivosus rather than Charadrius alexandrinus nivosus. This, as you may guess, causes distress, hangnails, gastroenteritis, and bureaucracy.

I would no doubt regard being declared a separate “species” as some kind of blatant eugenics program if the other Kentish plovers didn’t horde all the scones for themselves. I would also no doubt inform the AOU that I shan’t be back, if I’d ever been there. But, of course, “there” is nothing but an empty lot with emus nesting in it, as is clearly seen in the satellite photo below. Don’t be surprised if the next time they rearrange the deck chairs on the Titanic, it is to put you in one of them.

Eemuuus innn spaaaaaaace!!!

13 Responses to “Big Taxonomy strikes again”


  • Charles Murray proved in the Beak Curve that snowy plovers have lower SQ (shorebird quotient) than Kentish plovers. When will you face the facts that this is totally genetic? (Andrew Sullivan wants to know)

  • The chill placed on the debate is deafening, chilling and undebated. I urge further research into exactly what makes snowy plovers, unfortunately and heartbreakingly defective. It doesn’t hurt to ask questions!

    Truly, a cabal in operation has stifled freedom of expression.

  • You see, these snowy plovers no habit of showing up on Monday. They have no habit of staying all day. They have no habit of “I do this and you give me cash,” unless it’s illegal.

    It’s just science.

  • Obviously, none of you have ever read Stellars Jay Gould’s The Misfeather of Manakin, in which it is shown that, using Charles Murray’s statistical methods, one would need to conclude that Harvard undergrads are an extinct sort of snail, and the blue-footed booby is a descendant of the AMC Gremlin.

    Golden-headed Manakin

  • How did you do that?

    Q: is it worth perfecting a battle rap such that it may never be heard and become the Moby Dick of this blog, or would it just be better to post?

    On topic: I hear that book is a rather pheasant read.

  • OH I DO CHEER FOR PICS IN TEH COMMENTS,

    he capitalized.
    ~

  • I did it using the comment edit interface. I assume an img tag would get stripped out if I put it in directly.

    I hear that book is a rather pheasant read.

    The audio version, however, is only available on 8-track partridge.

  • The audio version, however, is only available on 8-track partridge.

    I have it on bird CD, which I load into my feeder.

  • Since bird CD is small, I prefer any cover art to be shown on the albumin cover.

  • People that download music online are robin. They make me feel swan.

  • You know what bugs me? Jaywalkers.

  • They make me fly off the handle. I need to be put in the nuthatch.

  • Obviously, none of you have ever read Stellars Jay Gould’s The Misfeather of Manakin, in which it is shown that, using Charles Murray’s statistical methods, one would need to conclude that Harvard undergrads are an extinct sort of snail, and the blue-footed booby is a descendant of the AMC Gremlin.

    Nonsense. If SQ doesn’t vary with beak curvature, it means that evolution didn’t happen. Do you want to claim that evolution doesn’t happen? Creationist!

    Now, of course, with your very articulate command of Russian and Hebrew, may be the exception. But we all know that other snowy plovers find it difficult to keep all their eggs in one nest, if you know what I mean. If we use affirmative action to bring them out of their shells, one of them is going to displace a deserving Kentish plover. And that would be just cuckoo, I tell you.

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