TWO NEW ENTRIES AT BOTTOM:  Chuckles needs to revote!

We received several entries in our header contest, all uniquely awesome in their own way. Since Three Bulls! runs on the honor system and people don’t play favorites, we’re gonna introduce each entry and tell ya who sent ’em in. We know it won’t bias anyone, and people will vote their conscience not whoever is peeling their banana. WHAT THE HELL IS THE PROBLEM WITH WORD PRESS PUTTING A MILLION OPEN TAGS IN HERE? IS THIS BLOGGER OR SOMETHING? DAMN IT
Please cycle through the headers by reloading the page- then you can see them in their native state, sitting on the top of Three Bulls! making the rest of the site look teh suck!

Starting OFF:

Entry Zero (out of competition, but for you to look at): “The Golden Onion Wiener”


Entry Number 1, from Notochord, all the way from foreign parts mysterious and unknown we have: “NOONAN!” I love this one because Nooner looks like she hasn’t taken a crap in a year, and she is forming a Ronnie-themed poop scultpure in her lower colon. Plus, Ronnie on the dolphin. As he should be.


Entry Number 2, also from Notochord: “Doughpants exposed!” This is a classic. I’m on the edge of my seat. I want to know what happens next!


Entry Number 3, from The Uncanny Canadian: “Three Boobs?” Well, they’re not boobies, kids. This one I love because it is creepy. Those are genetically modified eyeballs, and they’re looking at you, cobags.

figure legend.jpg

Entry Number Four: “To the rescue?” This one is a classic of Althousian non-partisanship, because you can’t tell if we are racing towards or away from the scene of the crime. The first of three from our personal Capt. Cobag, Gavin M.


Entry Number Five: “I wish I knew how to quit you, cobag” Also from Gavin M., you’ve seen the rough draft of this bad boy, but this is the slick version.

Entry Number Six: “Come in Capt. Cobag” Last on from Gavin M., and appropriate, THYCWOTI on the moon! Perhaps he is exploring the hole in the ground f***** by Dean Esmay! Who’s that Peeky McPeekerson in the background? Oh it’s Doughpants!

Entry Number Seven: “Teh 3 Lit’l Cobags” From Chip and Halford and Baby Si-Si, this is so Three Bulls! in so many ways. The only way it could be more Three Bulls! is if there were a sausage McGriddle on Baby Si-Si’s head.


Entry Number Eight: From Demogenes Aristophanes, related to AssParrot? An internet mystery! Only comment: “he nailed it like Digby nailed it!”


Entry Number Nine: “Teh L4me: call sign ‘Slumberjack'” From Chuckles, we totally appreciate the effort. You need to know teh l4m3 ****NOT SAFE FOR WORKYPANTS- HE’S IN A PENTHOUSE FORUM MOOD***, cuz he’s really a cuddle buggle, and this only seems inappropriate. The first of three!

**Update: there is a version that has correct spelling, but I chose this one, please do not let it affect your voting.******

Entry Number Ten: “BONOBO KNIFE FIGHT!!!!!” Number two from Chuckles, man this is a LOT better than what Bonobos are normally doing, like j*cking each other off.


Entry Number Eleven: “Hunting Ol’ Red-Eye” Last one from Chuckles, even though Jonah ends up with a cockpit-shaped dough-ass on long flights, it’s worth it for nailing symbolic alien robot commies.


Entries can still come in until I wake up tomorrow, so we’re gonna keep voting closed until the contest officially opens at 2 pm Eastern. Here’s how the voting works: everyone needs to vote in the thread for this post. Vote for three entries by number, and give each entry between 5 and 10 points.

UPDATE ENTRY NUmber TWELVE from Fulsome: “Fulsome hates us”- sophisticated yet cobaggy! Is this some wierd 3D sh*t?
3Bull Contest header.jpg

UPDATE ENTRY 13 from Tigrismus!


If you think they are all great, you can give first place 10 points, second place 9 points and third place 8 points. If you love one but not the others, you can give first place 10 points, second place 6 points, and third place 5 points. Does that make sense? Basically, you need to give a different point value for each place, between 5 and 10 points and vote for three.

Listen, if it were simple, it wouldn’t be Three Bulls! Thank you for making us eat it with your talent. We have been humbled by your efforts. Mucho Gracias, cobags!!!!


  • As I am so no-partisan, I vote thus:
    #3 10(Ten!) Points for sciencing up the dialogue
    #7 7(Seven!) Points for using babies
    #1 5(Five!) Points for reaganation

  • I like them all, and think the best thing would be to keep them all and cycle them just like you’ve been doing. You don’t mess with success, peeps. That said, I did one which you can take or leave, and feel strongly someone better and less lazy than I should do one of the Winters.

  • I’m going the boring route because there are some really good ones there (logic?).

    #11 (TEN POINTS) I love space fighters!
    #5 (NINE POINTS) Nine points for Take 5 shooting cowboys!
    #4 (EIGHT POINTS) Who can say no to a weiner?

  • No. 10: 10 points for being funny until some bonobo loses an eye
    No. 1: 7 points for combining Gipperporn, Elianmania and a visual-spatial skill-building exercise
    No. 6: 5 points for making the best argument to date for a Pantload Defense Shield
    Omar Vizquel: 3 points for slick glovework
    No. 8: -10 points for being too small to read, plus Bauhaus sux, especially when the linx won’t work

  • PP, your point system is very complicated, but like I said — with me it’s the whole 33% thing over here.

    Anyway! They were all really kewl. Here are the ones I liked best with the weird points assigned to each.

    #7 = 10 POINTS! I love the design of it — the colors, etc. and the fat cheeks are sooo cute!

    #1 = 9 POINTS! The Noonster’s facial expression is priceless!

    #5 = 6 POINTS! That I assigned 6 points means absolutely nothing…

    I liked the weinermobile 6 POINTS! also! If the logo were just a *tad* more readable…yeah, I know picky, picky….that one was funny!

    Rotating them all is not a bad idea…

    Ok, I’ll shut up now.


  • They are all gonna rotate, except maybe Fulsome’s- he knows he’s putting me up against a wall here.

  • That’s the extra glory of it. It’s an AD joke so I know you want to put it up there but there is an “over the shoulder” presence that says it’s obscene but then it’s misspelled and then it is gloriously ADHD photoshopped and it’s the only one to actually incorporate the 3Bulls! into the logo.

    As “some people”* say, at least I make myself laugh


  • no, you know the “ober the shoulder presence” is strictly Chicago Bulls related. You know you are being a cobag.

  • I thought that was sorta the point.

  • I vote all points for Uncanny, because I god damn can.

    Having said that, I also love the weiner mobile.

  • They are all teh wicked! I’m only disappointed I have so much competition.

    My points:

    First place: #4 – 9.25 points
    Second place: #5 – 8.75 points
    Third place: #7 – 6.125 points

  • We have a request for AG to quantitate her vote.

  • Wow, so I hada strong start but seem to be faltering. How appropriate given my standard sex acts.

  • #5= TEN POINTS; This is just so funny and so simple, it’s my favorite (I do also love Take 5 bars but even if I didn’t I’d vote for this)

    #4=NINE POINTS: way to go weenies!

    #2=NINE POINTS: This is funny and really creepy at the same time. Beam me up!

    I do also love the Onion Wiener one. What does the small copy say?

  • #4 : 10 points
    #10 : 7 points
    #12 : 5 points

  • Sorry for not commenting my votes, being in a bit of a hurry and stuff.

    Just one note : while, I like #3, I was afraid the bottom text would interfere badly with the menu (or the other way around) so it didn’t make my list. (Haven’t been succesful in bringing it up before casting though).

  • After interpreting the rules here, I should find completing my 1040 a breeze…

    #1 ten points | Simply a-“mazing”…

    #5 nine points | I like the space alien in the background supervising

    #10 six points | Pity the hapless human intruder

  • jexter:
    #6 10 pts.
    #7 9 pts.
    #10 8 pts.

    #9 10 pts.
    #4 9 pts.
    #8 8 pts.

    #2 10 ptz.
    #3 9 PTs.
    $5 8 pints.

  • OK, jexter, we’ll take your word that those are really people. Moose’s typing leaves me skeptical.

  • 2, 4, and 7.

    Weinermobile takes the road!

  • #3 10 Points
    #4 7 points
    Zero 5 points

    They are all really great!

  • Sorry, last vote was AG!


  • 4, 5, and 11 can each have 8.66 points

    12 gets eleventy-one points. Someday, I dream of seeing it in rotation.

  • Jesus Christ, this is harder than a butterfly ballot. I wound up with epilepsy by the time I got to the end, which hasn’t happened since the first “Tomb Raider” game.

    Okay, votes:

    Number Seven — 10 points. Can’t go wrong with “cobag,” so three is like when Stryper would print t-shirts with 777 on them: it rocks.

    Number Twelve — 8.3 points (2.3 6) mostly because it reminds me of when the Bulls didn’t suck.

    Number Nine — 5 points. The double-Galactica action, while a fantasy of most men, made it difficult to vote for one.

  • fulsome,

    you’re not following the rules for voting.

  • #4 – 10 points of sheer glory!
    #2 – 9 points!
    #6 – 8 points for well. Fart joke.

  • you can give twelve eleventy points or one point, it’s like the A in BJ. My original three votes stand uncorrected.

  • The Double Galactica action (so hard to choose between athena and serena or cassieopea and the chick from the pegasus) is subtle. One is old school Galactica for my man, teh l4m3, and the other is new school Galactica for Lt. Goldberg, callsign ‘Doughpants’.

    In a separate but equal note, teh is the only gay man I know who might help me get with some hot chicks.

  • I know you all have missed me. I’m no neoconartist but I do what I can.

    10 points to 11 because it reminds of when the glorious leader showed his steely resolve

    9 points to 10 because it shows what kind of discussions you liberals have

    8 points to 5 because maybe those manly men will help you all come to your senses.

    Behold, he travaileth with iniquity, and hath conceived mischief, and brought forth falsehood. (Psalms 7:14)

  • Baby Si Si's Paternal Grammy

    I vote for entry number seven. It is so obvious that Baby Si Si has inherited so much talent from her ‘rents! I may be biased, but I think that she deserves to be rewarded with all of the points.

  • 5 – 7 points

    8 – 10 points

    9 – 9 points

  • 10 – Bonobos! 10 points

    2- Babs finds the pantload 8 points

    1 – dolphin phuck! 8 points

    The Golden Onion Wiener header is classy! Where are the pictures from?

  • Since when does having fur, paws, and a long tail mean you’re not a person? Besides, Moose is just getting used to this keyboard and he still types better than some of your other commenters. (I’m not naming names, but I bet some of the riff-raff here wouldn’t want their DNA to be scanned for non-human sequence patterns…)

  • The Sidney Greenstreet (on the right) is from Maltese Falcon, the Peter Lorre on the left is I think from “The Secret Agent”- that’s my fave-

  • am i to be
    #11 perfect ten1!1!! scifi is hottt

    #10 10 points are just for bonobos. but knives loses a point. (9 points)

    #13 way to be late and still enter, tigrismus (8 points)

    and sorry for not entering, but im not depresssed enough to make something as comunchingly delicious as youse guys already had

  • Hey man, thanks for the voting, tho- still waiting for Insty, Gavin, Pammie, etc. to vote.

  • Hey, tg- are those pics from Spellbound?

  • #13 – 10 points
    #2 – 9 points
    #1 – 6 points

  • Kids, I like them all seriously. I am flattered and honored to be such a cobag in your esteem that you would fire up the ol’ box of leaves to enter our contest.

    My voteskies:

    7= TEN POINTS Baby Si-Si is da BOMB
    4= 9.99 Points- the most subtle and mysterious. A tour de force of design
    13= 8 points psychedelic and awesome. I still want to know what it is from. Something was telling me the dream sequence from “Spellbound”

  • 1) Three little cobags

    2) Bonobo Knife fight

    3) Come in Captain Cobag

  • OH Seitz, someone in the scoring office requested you quantitate your score just as AG did.

  • #10 -10 points
    #13 – 9 points
    #11 – 8 points

  • Hi Canuck,

    Your kind vote has been lost, and cannot be counted. I hold no enmity towards you. Chuckles has cast doubt upon your motives. Three Bulls! runs on the honor system, not the dishonor system. Or should I say honour/dishonour?

  • Hey everyone, can we get a ruling on this? Chuckles has attempted to sway the voting? Can we still count Canuck’s vote?

  • Damn you, mdhatter! You have bumped mine up from last place with your 10 pts to No. 8 … I was so looking forward to a deep depression setting in over uncontrovertable evidence that I am teh suck.

  • Does it get any more stereotypically lame than begging for votes on an Internet contest that no one cares about? NO. So I think I’m going to have to rule it stands as the most appropriate monument to this contest yet.

    WRN has guaranteed rights to win all 3B! contests until 2009 when bidding recommences, so who cares, anyway?

  • Damn, fulsome,
    those are Flintstone VITAMINS, not SUPPOSITORIES, so take it out. I think we have our ruling, thank you. Canuck’s vote will stand as a testament to cobaggery. THat being said, if Chuckles wins, he has to EAT everything in the prize pack.

  • Are these prizes all edible? If they are tshirts or something, I’ll do my best. I have eaten quarters before.

  • Let’s just say the prize pack is gonna be tailored to my current levels of esteem for the winner.

  • Pinko, while I am bias towards Chuckles, I still like the numbers I have chosen. I would not have voted just for Chuckles if I did not think he did a good job -hence the reason I only voted for two of them (sorry Chuckles). Anyway, I hope my vote can still stand.


  • It’s gotta be No. 3, ‘Three Boobs’. Not only am I a sucker for genetic mutant eyeballs, the piccie reminds me of those beautiful ads in the front of most issues of Nature for those microphotographic filters or whatever they were. I almost never knew what the pictures were supposed to be (usually glowing Frankenstein genes or cancerous testicle cells etc.), but always thought the images stunning.

    Otherwise Noonan, St Ronnie and the Angelic Dolphin.

  • I vote for number 7, although 3 is pretty excellent too.

  • Dear Res, you can vote for up to Three, giving any value of points between 5 and 10, with no values being equal. THANKS.

  • 10 points being the highest

  • I finally saw #3 up on the site and I wish I had known earlier that it is too big to read the funny stuff on the bottom. Curse my robot body!

  • Number 3 will be resized so the legend will show, have no worries

  • Please note that while I may be shamelessly cobaggy in my attempts to drum up more votes for my entries, I did not vote for myself.

    I mean, I may be a total cobag, but I am in no way a loafmuffin comuncher.

  • I should have known that any contest you put on would be overly complicated. Maybe we can have you mail copies of each entry, etched on gold plates with lasers, to each of 68,000 judges who will judge each entry on 16 independent scales of -13 to 42 ? Then you can make a decision totally unrelated to the merits of the actual entries, and the winners get a “congrats” on my blog! It’s be SUPERFUN!!

    Why can’t the value be less than 5? This is base-10 numbers, right?

    I think I would give #7 a 10 out of 10. #3 gets a 8.75 out of 10. Or does it have to be a whole number?

  • I guess the bitch is back, damn.

  • it’s okay, i meant to vote for seven, Get down with your bad self.

  • Who is announcing the winners and when? I am dying to know who won. Even though I have running totals posted. Cuz I am totally insecure.

  • Geenie Cola is voting by secret ballot and I am quantifying scores for people that didn’t quantify. How do you like them apples, Chuckwad?


  • Score, I love a little back office manuevering. It’s all the fault of the Canadian judge! She hates America.

  • Damn right she does. Longest undefended border, my ass. I am taking over that country tonight. Later, chumpwads.

  • 8: 10

    6: 9

    12: 8

    Oh, that’s actually my annual returns on investment for the last three fiscal years–JK, I’m an idiot.

  • 7: 10
    5: 8
    8: 7

  • It’s gonna look like Malkin in here with all the trackbacks FROM OURSELVES!!!!!!!!!

  • Sorry to be difficult, but I meant *7* instead of 8 in my vote. So sorry. I don’t even like 8 that much.

  • The committee says they’ll allow it, Jeff. Thanks for voting.

  • Listen, did you hear Mr. Kane whisper something softly as the Kitty Kattwood snow globe slipped from his grasp? Was it “rosebud”? No, it sounded more like “ThreeBulls” or perhaps “cobags”. What can it all mean?

  • oh tg, now it all comes together!

    I like it even more now…

  • #2: 10 glorious points.

    #12: 9 strapping points

    #6: 8 honorable points

  • Praise! I feel all tingly now! So tingly, I did another one!

  • I guess the sci fi is a little too subtle for everyone. Or too stupid.

  • It’s gonna look like Malkin in here with all the trackbacks FROM OURSELVES!!!!!!!!!

    Or Sadly, No!

  • hee hee

  • I don’t think the debate ever ended

  • if only there were forums to discuss voting on headers.

Leave a Reply


What is 86 + 44 ?
Please leave these two fields as-is: