To Our Dear Readers

It has come to our attention that some of you may be directed here from the delightful online journal MichaelBerube.com. While we are of course honored, we also are slightly embarrassed and wish to show a different, more scholarly side of Three B. In doing so we pay tribute to a wonderful colleague.

At first you might be surprised at that word “colleague”, thinking amongst other thoughts, do 3B! and Dr. Berube travel in the same circles, does Three Bulls! lead a secret life of debauched MLA meetings and dangerous, soul-destroying scholarship? Why of course we do. In fact, now that you have a moment to look around yourself now, you’ll notice that http:/blog.3bulls.com is almost indistinguishable from MichaelBerube.com. Continuing in a factual vein, Three Bulls! and Michael Berube are often confused for one another on the literature circuit. Even more factually, to extend an adverb, the little joke amongst the cognoscenti is that 3B! and MB are one another’s evil twins, without of course either of them being a good twin.

I think recent photographs illustrate this point nicely.

To wit:

Michael Berube

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Three Bulls!

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There is nary a difference! Therefore, we wish to aid you with a small primer, a field guide as it were, for telling apart these two giants of modern literary criticism, referred to as “lit crit” by the unwashed masses.

Michael Berube’s “safe” word is “Twemlow”, a minor character from Dickens’ work Our Mutual Friend.

Three Bulls!’ “safe” word is “Twemlow”, a minor character from the younger Amis’ London Fields.

So if Prof. Berube intones “Twemlow” in a Three Bulls! fashion, Mistress Painulatrix knows she may continue with the role playing, avoiding any unpleasantries.

Prof. Berube is partial to corduroy blazers with supple, smooth elbow patches.

Three Bulls! is partial to the more rugged suede patches, and wide whale corduroy of the old school.

Prof. Berube is prone to a pinch of snuff every now and again, wishing to spare his colleagues of pipe smoke.

Three Bulls! has not yet given up the ancient literary habit of pipe smoking, and nothing delights us more that harrying our conservative students from office hours with a sortie of smoke rings and swift kicks to the behind.

And now we will regale you, our dear readers with a literary anecdote of minor humor, possibly didactic, if one does not choose to eschew the rest of this post. Our first thought was to wax our gigantic literary mind on the function of Little Nell as a misstep of the Dickensian ouevre, or as a darkly sinister, almost Cthulhu-esque monstrosity, completely and utterly misunderstood. We thought the better of this, for how could we possibly discuss this with the unwashed masses? These are discussions left better to the titanic telepathic battles tha great literary minds are wont to enjoy. Instead we bring you the almost incomprehensible fact, heard over the wireless this very evening, that the word choad, verily and lo! is used to refer to the taint in some versions of the lingua franca. How can you not but be astonished? That something as simple as the perineum could be so linguistically multifaceted?

So with this slight trifle, we welcome MichaelBerube.com to our Three Bulls! family. Surely, Crooked Timber must see how they do slight us now.

26 Responses to “To Our Dear Readers”


  • You know what the biggest difference is?

    3Bulls! isn’t afraid to mistake .com for .net*, especially considering the fact that 3Bulls! took Adorable Girlfriend to task for that very same error not two weeks ago.

    *If this is another instance of my missing the irony/joke, I’m gonna resign right now.

  • do you see a link on that?

    I think we just showed you how the big boys ‘Bag.

  • Of course you triple ‘Bagged us back, cuz our first effortful post, our first outreach to the greater community in some time, and that it the comment we get. Why do you wish to express such hatred? Is it not the japery you truly despise, in place of the participant?

  • By the way, PP, I have secret information regarding the following coded microburst transmission:

    SA, AUS, ODI, 438-9, 434-4, OMFG.

    Please contact me at your earliest convenience priority one if this is, in fact, (visual) information you do not already posess.

  • Attempted nailing is not hatred but yet a sign of utter respect. A failed nailing such as the above just goes to show that I am no match for the den of erudition that is 3Bulls!

  • But you totally DID nail us. That is what is so wrong about this topsy turvy world.

    Microburst decoded and processed, will contact you tomorrow. THIS IS AMAZING. Does AIF know? His telepathy migh not be up yet.

  • Mmm I think I must clarify…as SecState might say this is a historical document…

    …but one that is obviously worth seeing.

  • Thank you, Auguste! That’s what AG is talking about. Furthermore, I clarified the issue both on the post that responded to that so called “bust” and more recently. Pinko should check his references and get a statement from AG next time he pulls a Ben.

    I hate to start trouble because UC is not pleased with AG’s character starting trouble, but I fail to see anything nutrient rich in this post other than the 3 P’s (except like UC, PP doesn’t have power) smacking themselves on the back again. This is just like my environmental class with the Ph.D.s who self promote and at a $1.85 a minute (Ivy League is expensive people), I couldn’t give a rat’s arse what you think or how you and your “colleague” can collaborate on some project that is NIH funded, but serves the people of Bangladesh and not America at a cost of more than $7 million per year over 10 years.

    *Note, I am not anti-Bangladesh, just do not use science dollars for things that have no effect on the US population. Other grants would be more suitable.

  • I agree with AG to hell with the rest of the world, they deserve none of our intellectually superior fruits. Hell, we paid for them and we labored for them, screw those losers in other countries!

  • As THYCWOTI, I feel I am honor bound to inform that I did not in fact pay for or labor for my intellectually superior fruits. I live close to an orchard, and the owner gives me a bushel of the fruits any time I like.

    Of course, sometimes I do labor for the intelltectually inferior blackberries. They are so tasty when picked ripe. But one must be wary of Chiggers!

  • Eep, I hate chiggers. Little itchy bastards!

  • The just-showered-and-smelling-delicately-of-orange-blossom great unwashed wonders at the churlish eschewing of chiggers. Perhaps the gentleman should try to stay currant rather than brambling down the mitey path to aggregate his drupelets.

  • Very nice punnage. Let’s see the Berubistas top that!

  • Eep, I hate chiggers. Little itchy bastards!

    That’s what God invented clear nail polish for.

  • Crap! I ended a sentence with a preposition while the smart kids are coming over here! Let em fix it:

    That’s what God invented clear nail polish for, cobrocket.

  • If you give them manicures they stop burrowing under your skin and causing you to itch like mad?!

    (btw, very funny Yosef!!)

  • In the South, we know how to deal with certain things like chiggers. You put clear nail polish on your skin where the chigger has brrowed under, and to my understanding, it either deprives them of oxygen or the fumes from the nail polish kill them outright. Then you just wait for your skin to push them out!

  • What does Yosef have against colored nail polish? It is just as effective against chiggers and decorative to boot. Perhaps Yosef fears ornamentation.

  • Yeha, what, the clarity of the clear nail polish makes them see the error of their ways? I think not.

    Bastard.

  • You just don’t get derided for being infested with bugs.

  • I always thought it was spelled ‘chode’.

  • Consultation with the earthy urban dictionary suggests both spellings are utilized. However, there is another cultural strain that uses the expression “choad” to describe what can only be a lil’ and chubby. Fascinating!

  • That was the only definition I knew of!

  • I dropped them a link to the MGT preview.

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