Don’t Be Hating On Me Because I’m Beautiful

Hate me because I’m going on a three-month Paris vacation beginning in May…for FREE!

Le manger! Cobageaux!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Mangete, cobageaux!!211




Can we get a ruling? -ed. 

43 Responses to “Don’t Be Hating On Me Because I’m Beautiful”

  • Can you make up your damn mind which side of the globe you’re supposed to be on already?

  • Dude, how could I refuse three months in Paris? I bought my New Zealand tickets…for September!

  • Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey!@!!! I new it!!!! How about I just hate you for just being you?! Oh, I already do!!1 LOL.

  • Nothing is free. Either it costs the tax payers, the consumers or you in the end. Honey, there ain’t no free lunch anymore.

    Paris is not that great. I would only hate if you said Italy or parts of Greece.

  • Or Spain.

    Oh wait…


    I’ve worked it out that if I save my money very carefully by not eating more than 2 meals a week for 3 months, I might, just might be able to drive down to Myrtle Beach for the day this Summer. Of course it would have to be on a Saturday because I can’t be missing work.

  • AG – Paris is actually a wonderful city, laid back and beautiful, and right now riot-o-riffic. Plus the ladies, oh the ladies, ooh la la! I’ve told GFoH that it’s pretty much required that I take a lover there but she ain’t buying it! Also we’ll use Paris as a base for exploring other parts of Europe!

    Yosef – The invisible hand of the free market can be such an asswipe sometimes….maybe if you didn’t have 27 kids?!

  • That’s not why we hate you, darling.

    Mangez-le vous même, vous sac de colostomie!

  • Actual Conversation

    MomH: You know, French men cheat on their wives all the time. They’re such pigs.

    Gregor Samsa: Thanks for the information. I wonder whom they cheat on their wives with?!

    MomH: ?!?!!?!

  • Cosac! I already like how this bog has a little something for everyone, from brainiac laser-wielding scientists to inveterate non-bathers, but that’s classy.

  • Actually, Greg, I’m with AG here. I don’t really care for Paris. Of course, getting mugged there didn’t help endear the city to me anyway. Italy is much better.

    I haven’t experienced Greece yet, though.

  • What’s PupH have to say about all this?

  • Quien is Greg?

    A little stereotyping here but I get the feeling that the Italians, Greeks, Spanish, etc are warmer and more fun-loving than the French who seem to take themselves pretty seriously. In general I tend to feel more comfortable culturally with warm and fun loving people. Nevertheless, I think that Paris, and the French, have a lot going for them. And I look forward to exploring the City, eating well, reading in the parks, going to museums, drinking red wine, bicycling the city, out-of-city/country excursions, and ogling pretty women.

  • Just watch out for all the doggie turds in the dark spaces.

  • Italy depends on where you go. I’d take Paris over Milan in a heartbeat, but Sardinia over just about anyplace.

  • PupH is pissed off!!!

    Regarding the merits of the rest of Europe relative to Paris. I’m not saying Paris is better or worse. It’s just that I have a free apartment with a view of a Notre Dame for three months and the time to enjoy it. What would you do?

  • Nah, Paris is dirty, cold, unfriendly, pompous, hard to get around, etc.

    That said, Sacre Couer is beautiful.

    Don’t bother going to the Louvre. Look at photos of Victory, Venus de Milo and the Mona Lisa in a magazine. Check out some other musee. I enjoyed Musee de L’Orangerie (although there was too much Monet there.)

    Don’t bother finding Jim Morrison’s grave. You’ll be disappointed. Of course it could be good to go and laugh at the people who go there to worship him.

    Do buy crepes from a street vendor. Do walk due south from Sacre Couer to Notre Dame and admire the models standing in front of the clothing stores at 11am, until you walk further along when they start getting uglier and with torn clothes, and you realize they aren’t actually models, and they’re really standing in front of the stairs to the apartment above the clothing stores.

    That’s about all the advice I can give you for Paris, except the best place to eat is McDonalds (and I’m not a fan of McDonalds – usually I’m all about the local gastronomy. But anything that looked tasty in Paris was way too expensive.)

  • Tis a pity, Yosef, as I was going to offer you an all expenses paid trip but given your strong feelings…

  • The great thing about Paris is that it is laid out in such a way that you know precisely where to avoid Jim Morrison’s grave.

  • Gregor, I am jealous I have to say. I’d go anywhere if I had a free place to stay for 3 months. Getting PP to take 3 days off of work is hard enough. Yet UC get’s him to do it all the time. UC your powers suck!
    Oh and I went to a really cool flea market in Paris but no idea what it was called. I LOVE flea markets so I had a blast. Oh and Notre Dame at dawn is the most beautiful thing you will lay your eyes on.
    Tell Pup H he can come hang at our place with Smokedog and Pugman.

  • For me, the only thing Paris had I adored was the Musee D’Orsay. I loved seeing the original tests for the Dancer by Degas. Oh and the cute Philadelphians we met.

    Geenie, I understand where you are with the UC and PP issue. Why is it that your husband can call him Uncannypants and I suggest calling him that or anything close to it and he practically throws me out the window into the street? He also cuts out little articles and comics for your husband. They pile up and up and then when he isn’t home I have to toss them because the house is only so big. It’s as though he thinks y’all don’t have a newspaper or something.

  • I was in Paris by myself and met another solo American traveler of the male gender. Needless to say it was fun. So my memories or opinions of Paris could be biased.

  • AG I totally know what you mean about PP and UC. It’s an interesting unexplainable thing.
    For instance this morning I go into the freezer and there is a huge thing of pork ribs some country style thing. It takes up the whole freezer. I KNOW PP did not buy those for me.
    Ribs in my freezer means one thing…UC is on his way.

  • The Uncanny Canadian

    Hey GC, I’m super excited about coming down tomorrow. What do you think the weather is going to be like? Are we talking Uncannypants or Uncannyshorts?

    The ribs aren’t always for me. Don’t forget when my entire freezer was full of ribs for a certain bachelor party for a certain BN!

    The best flea markets period are in South Florida. The Jewz love flea markets! There is also a nearby place you can stay for free. Ask me for details!

  • I specifically instructed PP and UC this was not going to be a pork snorkel! I like when I see CDs or DVDs I want at UC’s house collecting dust and I am not allowed to touch them because they are for PP. That’s totally fine, but I get a key chain or a printed article now and again and PP gets CDs? What’s that about?!

    I still wonder how I got to go to Boca without PP this Valentine’s Day. Though, I did have to go to Miami Subs because PP “knows what he’s talking about when it comes to food.” I thought Joe’s Stone Crab would be denied because PP didn’t give it 5 piglets. Of course if UC could have, he would have packed up food to bring home for PP.

    Oh BTW, PP for you my dear — guess what I got!! (In addition to the gift you’ll get tomorrow night that I had to hide from UC.) UC cleaned his freezer. That means you will have ice cubes the next time you visit and he now has my perfect and expensive blender for making ‘The UC’ drink.

  • UC!!!!!!!! Why have you not shared the knowledge nugget of a free place to stay near really cool flea markets! I’m sooo going to FL with you and AG next time. I think I’m more Jewish than PP I’m into flea markets AND chotzky. (Even though I have no clue how to spell it.)
    AG I’m glad you are coming with the UC!
    The weather is Uncannypants with Uncannyraincoat with a side of Uncannypeptobismal for the pork.
    UC not only is there ribs in my freezer there is ham in my fridge!!!! And they ain’t for me.

  • We recently discussed with a certain favorite couple (Colorado and my Stony Brook Girl) that we’d like to host some folks for Spring Training. They’ve never been to Florida. Perhaps we can talk the UC family into letting us do that and hosting a few folks.

    This is not going to be pork-tastic 2006 boyz! GC, throw it all out before we get there (I’ll back you up that Smokey did it.)

    And Schmoopiespants, don’t speak for our people. You always say I cannot generalize the Jews, hence why you hate when I get out the therapy cards — the book Boy Vey! (Even though your mother does think you poop ice cream.)

  • I heard there’s this thing called e-mail…

    This is the boy’s restroom so stop leaving your grocery list taped over the urinal

    Cobagz all around

  • Hey Fullie, stay at your blog home if you don’t like it.

    Don’t hate because you’re stuck babysitting Chuckie this weekend instead of snorkeling and meeting AG.

  • 10…9…8…7…6…5…4…3…2…1… BOOM!!!!!!!

  • Urinal Note: Fulsome is a suckwadoo, co-nugget-bag, loaf lover, misses the toilet when he pees, chunkyfart, po’ boy!!!1!1

  • Gee that didn’t sound like Geenie Cola at all but rather Captain Trollypanties.

  • Actually Sgt Drollpanties would say something like that. I was hanging with her this past week so I was influenced.

  • Le manger Cobageaux!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Le manger? Le manger??? With French like that, they’ll be hosing you down with water cannons on the Blvd St. Germain.

    Eat it doesn’t really translate into French. Try this instead: va te faire enculer, espèce de cobag !!!!1!!

    Please note carefully the space between the cobag exclamation point (!!!1!!) and the word cobag since proper French does not close up exclamation points as we do. And espèce de cobag has much more of that je ne sais quoi than a mere cobag

    And don’t forget this French nursery rhyme for your trip:

    J’ai vu dans la lune
    Trois petits cobags
    Qui mangeaient des prunes
    Comm’ des p’tits cochons
    (sexual innuendo alert) La pipe à la bouche, le verre à la main
    En disant : ” Mesdames,
    Versez-nous du vin,
    Tout plein, COBAGEUSES !!!1!!

  • oh no! French!

    I have never been able to pronounce french. Spanish? no problem. Russian? not so bad. French? Imposeebley.

    p.s. I forgot Polish.

  • MD, Yeah, French pronunciation is very difficult. Why can’t they just speak American?

    Cliff I appreciate the French lesson and the poem! Cobagwaaah just rolls of the tongue.

  • Cobagois!


  • Well, I was going to tell Gregor not to let the haterz dog on your trip, because Paris is big and interesting and gritty and beautiful, and I think you’ll have a lot of fun.

    Unfortunately, after this morning’s post, I have to call you a cobag and notify you that you’ve lost all your netroots credibility.

  • Yeah, what kind of rich, connected inssider cobmunch gets to go to Paris for free?

    Or maybe Gregor is John Aravosis?

  • If Gregor psoted a 1000 word defensive rant about his Paris trip quoting random and pretentious shit and telling us to go eat it, I would just die laughing.

  • Well let me put it this way, my free trip doesn’t involve cat sitting!

    Back to moving my house….

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