Just happened. I can’t even handle this. We can’t even go back to Patriarchy Blaming 101. We need to go to pre-Patriarchy Blaming. I give you Captain Insanity:
Shorter John A: “When I used “big girl” as an insult, I mean “big fag”, so it’s OK.”
Skippy, I so don’t want to get into this again because every time I try to respond, things get twisted yet again.
I didn’t not initially reply “pissy” at all. I explained that this was gay vernacular, and later explained what I meant by that – the phrase “big girl” is gay male slang for “big fag.” Several folks then erupted and said that was ridiculous, they’d never heard of it, etc. – as if I was just making it up – and then they called me a misogynist, and more – that’s when all hell break lose.
The fact remains that the phrase “big girl” (often written “big grrrrl”) IS gay male slang. That fact doesn’t change because someone hasn’t heard of it. Now, some folks don’t like it, I get that, some find it sexist, I get that too. I don’t happen to agree with them, even if I understand their concern.
But after I explained why I used the word, folks turned rude. Far too many were not simply disagreeing or expressing concern, they were downright rude. And after you enter that territory, you shouldn’t expect a “nice” reply.
And what seems to have hurt some folks more is that I simply don’t agree with them on this. I respect their point of view, but I don’t agree. I happen to believe that sometimes when people think they have a grievance they’re actually wrong, even if they’re good people. I’ve gotten numerous letters from feminists saying they agree with me, the use of “big girl” was fine with them, they got the snark, they got the joke. Are they right? Are you? And who is to decide? Or are those feminists sexist misogynists too?
Either way, things got bad when a number of people started acting rudely because they didn’t like my explanation. They weren’t just complaining, they weren’t just offering a suggestion, they were acting rudely. They were treating me the way you’d treat Ann Coulte – not the way you’d treat a friend and colleague who has already proven repeatedly whose side they’re on.
I respect your opinion, and I disagree.
“big grrrl??” Like Riot Grrrl? I call NO WAY. Res? This is complete and utter ignorance of the situation.