Author Archive for Professor Booty

Emus need not apply


Mr. [Mark “What ya wearing?] Foley reportedly sent the messages to the first page in August 2005. Mr. [Representative Rodney] Alexander told a Louisiana newspaper this week that he had told the page’s parents and the Republican House leadership about them “10 or 11 months ago.” But House leaders said Friday that they had not known about the incident until the day before.

I assume Atrios is playing coy here, and not genuinely perplexed about the awesome, fantasizing-about-a-teen-in-tight-shorts hugeness of this scandal.  So my charge to you, dear reader, is to come up with a pithy one-liner for Democrats to trot out at every goddamn opportunity over the next 6 weeks.  My entry:

What Mark Foley wanted to do to one teenage boy, the rest of his Republican colleagues have been doing to the whole country over the last six years.

Even the conservatorturebloggers…

…seem to love this new Chevy Tahoe ad-creation site.  The problem is they’re a bit shy about posting the results on their own blogs, so it takes a bit of searching.  But check out the stirring ad I found from Eugene Volokh.  I know there must be others out there — maybe some enterprising readers can find them and leave links in the comments…

In which I emerge briefly from my hidey hole

I know nothing of what Pinko Punko speaks of: my old blogroll is dead — long live the new blogroll! (Mmmm…pr0n). It’s true, though, OJ can be something of a douche, but even after a year of more away from his site, he remains a guilty pleasure. His verbal duel with Rick Perlstein — Rick motherf***ing Perlstein, bitches! — which provoked his unhinged comments about witches and Jews, is something to behold, even if it is batshit insane.

I think what I particularly liked about him was the second-hand high of sulfur and brimstone that you get off of him. I mean, for an avowed Christian he is awfully bloodthirsty, and I don’t believe I have ever witnessed him turning the other cheek. He has also repeatedly indicated sympathy for Manichaeism, a heresy of the oldest school. I will also note that in an old book review — of C.S. Lewis’s Screwtape Letters, no less — he admitted that, although he calls himself a Christian, he was never baptized and doesn’t attend church. Perhaps the touch of holy water would burn, or the act of crossing the church threshhold produce spontaneous combustion? I think the first act of OJ’s reconstituted Inquisition should be to see if he himself does, in fact, weigh the same as a duck.

>Guest Post by Professor Booty

Listening too long to one song

Okay, I’m usually the last fucking person to know stuff like this, but hopefully this will impress my co-bloggers. Check out David Cross in the new New Pornographers video, “Use It”. Oh so much goodness, I think I may cream my jeans. And then there’s this:

And as long as we’re on the subject of things that make this world so so wonderful, check out this list of all the things that haven’t gone wrong under Bush.

When I was born for the 7th time

So my main man Pinko Punko has succeeded in dragging me, kicking and screaming, back into tha blog hood, after a year-plus hiatus. I usedta be a big name, I coulda been a contender, yadda yadda yadda, but between my career and my deep, deep shame at having endorsed the war in Iraq (Atrios described my situation pretty well: “9/11 drove a lot of people a little bit crazy, understandably. And, sadly, a lot of those people felt it necessary to suspend their distrust of the Bush administration.”), I ended up letting things slide. And to think, I was once among the top 100 on NZ Bear’s Blog Ecosystem (what’s funny is that since then — say about three years ago — so many new, even less-read blogs have appeared that my relative ranking in the ecosystem has gone up while my absolute ranking has gone way down).

But enough talking smack about my formerly bad-ass self. Suffice it to say that I’m back, bitches, at least until I get bored or too busy again. In the meantime, while I sit back and wait for the world to piss me off, I’m taking on a project suggested by Pinko and Mrs. Booty, and taking a trip down memory lane into…the Black Hole of My Old Blogroll.

You see, prior to chiggity checking myself before wriggity-wrecking myself, I had a pretty serious flirtation with the Right, one that preceded my blog and even preceded 9/11. I’ve since reverted to the opinion I had back in college, what might be called the Mary McCarthy theory of the Right (“Every word a conservative says is a lie, including ‘and’ and ‘the'”), but in the late ’90s, for one reason or another, I fell under their sway.

(Actually, what happened was that, baffled by Clinton-hatred and perhaps a bit tired of the multi-culti pieties of the Northeast, I decided to investigate “why they hate us”, and actually began to visit right wing websites and reading the Weekly Standard and other organs of the faith. What happened next was something I should have seen coming from every serial killer movie: to catch a killer, you have to think like a killer, but where do you draw the line? In my case, I already had my basement freezer half-full of body parts before I realized that I’d gone too far. “We aren’t so different after all, are we, Special Agent Johnson?”)

So as part of my mission of atonement, I will be going over some of the more egregious members of my blogroll, and possibly try to explain what I was thinking at the time. I’ll go in ascending order of awfulness, crescendoing with the worst…blogger…ever… And the best thing is that he and most of the rest still have my old blog on their blogrolls, thus inflating my Ecosystem rating (I’m now a Marsupial, whereas in the long-ago era before every tragic high schooler had a totally-unread blog about Dashboard Confessional, I never rated higher than a Rodent). Thanks, suckas!

My favorite inside source, I kiss your open sores

I’m hardly gonna be the first person to proffer this link, but it is really worth your while to read Arianna Huffington’s far-from-idle speculations about Jailbird Judy:

Not everyone in the Times building is on the same page when it comes to Judy Miller. The official story the paper is sticking to is that Miller is a heroic martyr, sacrificing her freedom in the name of journalistic integrity.

But a very different scenario is being floated in the halls. Here it is: It’s July 6, 2003, and Joe Wilson’s now famous op-ed piece appears in the Times, raising the idea that the Bush administration has “manipulate[d]” and “twisted” intelligence “to exaggerate the Iraqi threat.” Miller, who has been pushing this manipulated, twisted, and exaggerated intel in the Times for months, goes ballistic. . . [S]he calls her friends in the intelligence community and asks, Who is this guy? She finds out he’s married to a CIA agent. She then passes on the info about Mrs. Wilson to Scooter Libby (Newsday has identified a meeting Miller had on July 8 in Washington with an “unnamed government official”). Maybe Miller tells Rove too — or Libby does. The White House hatchet men turn around and tell Novak and Cooper. The story gets out.

This is why Miller doesn’t want to reveal her “source” at the White House — because she was the source.

D’oh! Oh, how I hope this proves true. A good indicator that this shit is, in fact, about to hit the fan will be when the wingnuts start reminding us that Miller works for the Liberal Media flagship, therefore it was the Liberal Media (yeah, that’s the ticket!), not the Bush administration, that was responsible for the bullshit “intelligence” that bolstered the case for war. (The sad thing that is they will be half right — in my former life as a moderate liberal non-anony-blogger, I definitely took Miller’s reporting seriously in weighing the case for war, and ultimately coming down in favor of it.) Just you watch John Podhoretz’s mouth — sooner or later, this particular kernel of corn will gleam among the turds emerging thencefrom.

But I come not to insult JPod or snicker at Judith Miller, but to remind people of a half-joke that went around shortly after 9-11. Wasn’t it a little suspicious that Miller’s book on bioterrorism, Germs, came out just a few weeks after the anthrax attacks (still unsolved, as Ariana’s HuffPost colleague Harry Shearer reminds us). Perhaps Miller can stand to add five extra deaths to her existing bar tab?