Archive for the 'Aside' Category

I blame fish

There have been multiple complaints regarding this blog and the propensity for extensive arguments. The Ombuds collective acknowledges that arguments must be avoided at all costs as they have a tendency to make David Broder uncomfortable. It has also been noted that these arguments are taking place without the proper safety training as required by Article E, Section M, Subheading U. So before we continue, it is required that you all view this argument training video:

Fish stole the video. Let us proceed then. A rigorous statistical analysis of the argument phenomenon that is occurring in the greater 3Bulls(!) blogosphere revealed only one  common causative modality with a P Value reaching significance (p=0.0): fish. Yes, it appears fish is a major root cause of argumentation. I am afraid that an intervention is required.

There is a problem however. How does one actually intervene with a chronic arguer? The first step is to recognize the signs of the arguing addict to be sure the diagnosis is correct:

1) Does the individual head into the bathroom carrying a copy of Debaters Weekly and mumbling something about becoming a “Master”?

2) Do you have to put parental controls on the TV to block The McLaughlin Group?

3) Must you never say the words “designated hitter” out loud in his or her presence?

4) Have you heard enough about salt already?

Given criteria such as those above, it is clear to the Ombuds that fish has a serious problem and runs the risk of making David Broder cry if he does not get the help that he needs.

This Ombud has a few recommended actions:

1) pick up apparatus; use apparatus, play video of Kennedy/Nixon debate while playing Rush at full volume.

2) mark fish’s IP as spam and then initiate an argument between Mandos and Plover on the post-modern theory as applied to the inherent sexism of Linux use in the movie Avatar.

3) Read Matt Yglesias’ justification for the Iraq War out loud and apply strong electroshock every time he audibly snorts.

4) Cancel his subscriptions to Z Magazine and the Utne Reader. Force him to subscribe to and read TNR, Slate, and The Nation. Refuse to discuss or consider any points of view other than David Corn’s.

5) Any time he brings up Chomsky, say that “Jonah Goldberg really has a more interesting take on this topic”.

6) Agree with everything he says. (this may be an unworkable solution)

I am sure with aggressive treatment, we can get fish to allow someone else to speak once in a while. If he continues on his current path, he is in danger of using up all the letters on the internets. Let’s get him re-socialized and ready to become a productive member of society again. Won’t you help fish instead of cursing him?


In a bear market, it’s still a bull’s world

We have met the enemy, and it is delicious.

—Citrus Lover (attributed)

My fellow effluvians,

We gather on this auspicious occasion to bear witness to history, to mark the dawning of a new age. Many words have been written on the subject already, and I will not repeat them here, but there is work yet to be done.

Some analysts have suggested we are living in a period of Peak Wingnut, or that it will come soon. This is cause for some concern, as The New Left’s reserves of snark cannot be allowed to run down. Much depends on this, as recent increases in cynicism have shown.

(The world’s only source of Fafblog, we are happy to report, has resumed production)

Some may suggest that we have become too dependent on these interests, that eventually we will run out of that which sustains us, and that Peak Wingnut is only a symptom of a larger problem. These people could not be more wrong. What they fail to realize is that Wingnut is a renewable resource, found in the darkest, most inhospitable depths of the ecosystem, waiting for a tiny morsel of gossip, speculation, or outright fabrication to begin to grow.

As we know, they thrive on attention, but Wingnut must be nurtured for its flower to bloom. Granted, it is a flower whose thorns drip bilious venom, but we have made many advances in the refinement process and are confident that casualties can now be brought down to almost nothing.

So, in a spirit of conservation and cultivation, we ask that you be on the lookout for possible outbreaks, and to respond accordingly. Much depends on you all, but we will stand together in this time of trial, and stand tall.

Thank you for listening.


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Wowee so technical!

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