Archive for the '‘baggery' Category

Low-hanging fruit

Readers of the blog are well-aware already of our cordial distaste for the writings of one Matthew Yglesias, Slate’s “business and economics blogger,” a term of endearment and ridicule among the those who should know better (see: McArdle, Megan). One of his recent efforts is an attempt at lauding the business practices of the Apple Store, which employ “Geniuses” at the astronomical wage of $11 per hour. Behold the end of the first paragraph:

The converse of Apple Store workers not being rich despite the company’s success is that Sears & K-Mart workers don’t earn negative wages even though their company loses money.

The existence of layoffs is apparently not a thing at Slate (he said without irony). Also not included in an article titled, in part: “What if the Apple Store were the worst job around?” are the terms “minimum wage,” “outsourcing,” and “FoxConn.” We are not unopposed (THANK YOU ZOMBIE FOR GRAMMAR CORRECTION) to Apple products, but if MattY wishes to hold them up as a shining beacon of benevolent American capitalism, he might first try to live on under $25,000 like so many of his fellow Americans already do, and see how many of Apple’s stock shares ($580 each at the time of writing) his salary will allow him to purchase.

There is probably some irony in the fact that a company which provides their wares at a substantial markup while providing minimal benefits for their workers saw fit to employ someome to write about Apple.

We are also obliged to note that Cogitamus’ Sir Charles uses the term “Apple Slapping” in his post title discussing the subject. And so Filthbot arises again. This may have been the entire point of these introductory paragraphs. On to our actual appointed task:

1. fish: Everything is still fish’s fault. This will not be disputed.

2. A minor request: Pinko, via secret communication, wishes to be convinced one way or the other on the merits of Rush v. Japandroids. Our own sympathies in the matter are well-known, therefore we are recusing ourselves. However, others may present their arguments. As in Democracy, the only losers are those who take no side.

3. There is no third thing.

4. Almost immediate update! Someone in DorD adds:

What kind of fascist has effing MATH instead of a CAPTCHA? Are you trying to prove that we’re human, or that we didn’t go to an American public school?

Carry on.

Backchannel Chitchattery

joined in progress…

fish: John Galt giving his speech from Ayn Rand’s underwear.

PP: I call and raise:

Alan Greenspan is giving John Galt’s speech from Megan McArdle wearing Ayn Rand’s underwear.

fish: I fold.

PP: Want to see what I had?

fish: Nah, I’m good.

I totally didn’t have Megan McArdle wearing Zardoz Randies doing the above in a mirror with Ann Althouse Indeeding Glenn Reynolds wearing Jonah Goldberg like Harpo Marx doing the fake mirror routine with Lucille Ball. Or DID I?

Success at FAIL

We love dilettante, our fave K.

11:17 PM (2 hours ago)
dilettante: I cannot believe it.

11:17 PM (2 hours ago)
dilettante: Our DVR stopped recording after 5 minutes of overtime. How did we ever come back and win? oh my god. #USWNT

11:17 PM (2 hours ago)
dilettante: I revise that last tweet. apparently we somehow won that game. #USWNT

11:17 PM (2 hours ago)
dilettante: such an unjust loss for the USWNT

Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch Approachening

Odds and sods on slings and arrows slung and arrowed during the holiday snausage making:

The Geenie Cola, applied today by Geenie Cola, RE: “I Am the Walrus”-

“This is their worst period. They were all “I’m cool, it’s cool, we’re cool so we can do whatever crap and people will still think it’s cool”

1:1 for UC using it regarding some squeezed out prose-loaf of the Fork staff.

10:1 for inevitable Pitchfork backlash of previously loved band

The Topical:

“Just as the flow of secret documents emanates over the internet-aether from the increasingly arrogant and misunderstood Wikileak’s Julian Assange…”

Incalculable (certain) for Philip Sherburne (of whom we are now fond even though we do not favor infinitely icy minimalist housescapes)

The Meh:

“Remember that time when Papa Smurf was into the blow and Brainy Smurf was……[five paragraphs later]….this track is like Garga-meh-l”

The longer it is the better the odds are for Pinko Punko, the more deliciously skewery, UC

The Stereogum Commenter Generically Ironic:

“I both agree/disagree with this [no specific signifier] list and would like to imply any effort or attention to thinking or discussing this topic is to be mocked. Effort and attention to register for Stereogum and type this comment obviously not included.”

Odds equal to the rising and setting of the sun, and the internet existing.

Also consider:

The Defensive:

“Why do those *ssholes say I do/say stuff that I didn’t do/say? Their terrible writing about our bad writing is so sarcasm tag ironic close sarcasm tag yeah I get it, I’ve been crafting a cutting tweet all year with which to acknowledge that what they say/do is predictable though I admit 2006 was funny in an already played out way, also this iPhone Thai food app is awesome.”

Pinko Punko:

“I would kill for your Thai food app.”

The Goob:

“She bounced her knees. I guess that’s another “like.” Wait, see if she’ll do it when you bang on a pot with a wooden spoon. Yeah, she did.”

The ZRM:

I’ll only listen to/read this if there is the possiblity of Mekons or Pepsi Smash and rum, preferably both.


It’s kind of a haze on whose plan it was to do a different drink per entry. I shall blame C. Next year I will read one novel for each song, and have them read and reviewed before UC gets to #77.

Nate Patrin:

Those guys are DICKS.

New Markets

This could be the Crystal Pepsi of Battle Rap, trying to break into the cricket market:

You bring the bat to me
you lose your openers before tea

My leg break have you in mysterious jinx
You be in serious sh*t by drinks

You can’t handle my fight
You be begging for bad light

You think you have a total to build upon?
Before you know I be enforcing the follow on

Before you can tell me to stick it
You’ll be stuck leg before wicket

Why Did the Nurse Smack My Hand When I Wanted to Write “Smalltime Beef” on the Birth Cert?

Answer: because I haven’t done it yet! That is what we have a pool for everyone to be in for. I just dangled TWO prepositions.

I’m so happy to be hear showering with everyone!

After or during the shower, we’ll all be in the pool together. Watersports are popular here.

Important information RE: pool:

Due date for Goobie: Dec. 18th


I wonder if the above jogs any breastfeeding video memories for Kathleen? I might post about this video later in the week, but I thought I would a) inadvertently give filthbot the entire field and b) set the state for a future post where we discuss the inability for cobags to turn off filthbot at over-the-line times, and how they constantly degrade myself and GC in class.

I’m going to pre-empt Baby Comparison Trolls hand-wringingly worrying that Baby B’s, whose deplorable mother ambled Baby B in unborn form through both the TUSTOSAN and THE PISHIN’ MISSION (MY GOD), cuteness will have adverse effects on the self-esteem of The Goobie. In predicting their existence I extinguish their probability of existence, something UC and I should have done last year during Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch with the snarky “Starsailor” namedrop, thus precluding the shooting of Ian Cohen’s sad wad in a review of an Elbow reissue. If this sentence appears to sandbag regarding the ultimate cuteness of The Goobie while also indicating an uptake in Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch-like activity, that text is to be constructed by the reader.

DJ-less Robot Shuffle Radio captured my zeitgeist RE: impending


this morning by unexpectedly and happily playing this yesterday morning, which not having seen the video for, I hadn’t noticed until today how very Gary (Numan) her vocals are. The moment did last because hidden robot DJ Blue Girled me on the follow up.

I note for our fellow showerers that when this blog community strives for exceptional content, it can be met with saddening lack of commentary. I urge everyone to consider the possibility of possible 3B! Tote Bags during our comment drive for Ombudsman Heritage Week continuing as we speak, or perhaps some of us are spelling at this point, as we want to be inclusive.

I love you all, and so does GC. Perhaps she will share her Celebrity Dream Cameo featuring YOU in comments?

Lather up, everyone!

This explains a lot

Think about it….. the constant Edgar Winter references, the red track suit proclivities, desire for a gun (“derringer”) cake…. I claim love child or the very least conceived at!!!!

Video stole from the fine folks at BEFOULED.

Doctor’s Orders




Like so.

I fear Adam Nagourney might write it up like so:

Some have said that grapefruit-related headgear is just a fanciful way to communicate displeasure with a public figure on the internet, while others claim it is a coded death threat or “dog whistle.” The text of the bill currently wending its way through legislative sausage making does not contain language pertaining to the above sentence.

Inside and Out

The suggestion by COBA that ombusdsbeings could ‘learn a thing or two from advice columnists’ has the ombudscommunity in an uproar.  The merest hint of a suggestion that lowly advice peddlers should serve as examples for the time honored tradition of ombuddling is farcical on its face.

For instance, we are constrained from saying “wake up and smell the coffee” by our oath.

Also, the inherent judgementalism inherent in proffering advice to people you’ve never met is antithetical to the neutral demeanor that all ombuds strive for.  This has been stressed by the COBA recently;  It is number one on the newly released Central Ombudsman’s Board of Accession Guidelines, which is currently the Law as far as we Ombudsgroupers are concerned.

We are legally unable to comment on the vision of shooting advice columnists out of a giant vagina like hole.

Further Business:  The Mandos/PP/KWB discussion of events in Iran is very very very good, and deserves chupacabra golf claps.  If you haven’t read it yet, put on your serious panties and go do so.

Moar Bizness:  New Visitor Leadership says:

“I never know what anyone on this blog is saying. I come here for the banners!

Respectfully, I suggest to that Mr/Mr/Ms/Lettuce/Zombie Ship submit banners to the Owners as soon as possible.  Fame and Fortune Await!  In fact, a new banner contest should probably be commenced.  Submitting banners with Battle Raps gains additional points.  BG videos and boxes of cash are, regrettably, not allowed.

On a side note:  dancing hitlers in tutus are in very poor taste.  But hilarious.  Leftous Bubba should consider himself chastised.  Chastised, and applauded.

Finally, it is our sad duty to  report  apparent shenanigans by the proprietors of this weblog.

It has come to our attention that there are multiple ombudstemps roaming this area.  It is obvious (and has been confirmed by an anonymous source named Deep Lettuce) that in order to compensate for the tragic, even if temporary, loss of the irreplaceable D-Mendacious, the proprietor-baggers contracted with NO LESS THAN THREE,  and possibly as many as eleventeen, replacement part-time temporary ombudsbeings.

Not only is this a violation of Internet Traditions and  the labor laws of most states but also and most importantly ancient Ombudsman Tradition, which makes it plain that no more than one ombud must perform his duties for any entity, to forestall the kind of contradiction and kerfuffle as we have seen here of late.

As one of the sad victims of this deception, I feel there is no proper choice but to resign from my temporary post of Ombudsglooob, as well as terminating my membership in COBA.  Indeed, it seems that in the light of this transgression, I must cease practicing Ombuddering.

It is with great sadness I take this step, but ombudethics demand it.  I trust my colleagues will respond appropriately.

With heavy heart, I remain, Ombudsglooob (in name only)

sigh.  I shan’t be back.

Respond to my post, Libs!!!

Erring of Grievances

It has come to our attention that the void created by the semi-retirement of the ombudspersonmoose has yet not been filled, in spite of two valiant attempts.

It falls upon the shoulders of this ombudspersonpantaloons to take up the burden.

It must be noted that when Pinko Punko initially broadcast the need for an interim ombudspersonpantaloons, he specifically mentioned a complaint:

In other news, sucks it. Take it to the ombuds, lady, that’s what it’s for.

A reasonable person/moose/bird/fish/pants might argue Adorable Girlfriend‘s point…are there not thousands of 3Bulls! blogposts? Q.E.D., and such as.

Furthermore, it must be noted that we are taking a strict constructionalist view of the terms comment(s) and reader(s). Is AG actually a reader of this blog? Should comments mean comments on this post, this blog, or even perhaps something your mom said after her sister and brother-in-law left the house?

After all, the complaint in question comes from a comment over at the Fish Pond.

However, it is not our job to question user complaints. Our job is to render them senseless, or the other way.

Post all your complaints about this blog, your life, or your in-laws below, and we will promptly solve them via sternly worded emails to the proprietors.

And if none of this floats your boat…

UPDATE I: Hellooo, Fish’s comment!

UPDATE 3.c: A certain zombie has written that his/her/its/damned creature’s car needs washing. While this might be considered a comment on the state of affairs at the ZRM household/cemetery/catacombs, or perhaps a request, we are considering the source.

It’s probably a complaint. As such, we are suggesting that ZRM take it up with the Ombudsglooob, as this entity is best positioned to provide the appropriate remedy.

UPDATE 8): It appears our suggestion with regards to ZRM and the Ombudsglooob has gone awry. Far be it for us to suggest that threatening the common taters is different from addressing their concerns.

But we feel that an ombudsperson/moose/bird/fish/pants ethics panel must be convened at this point. For the sake of the children.