Archive for the 'Battle Rap' Category

Why do technocratic contrarian life trolls live under bridges?

Answer: They don’t, suckers. Enjoy the aggregate slight increase in probability you won’t be ground into horse meat replacement due to the floating of a hypothetical boat- I just thought about this for one second- luckily I don’t get paid by the second, but maybe I should? MONEYBOX OUT, ZITCHES

For your musical displeasure:

Repost of our previous. (Lyrics at the link-o)

Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Demo

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Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Single Remix (courtesy of Mendacious D, original post here)

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The only think we fear now that the internet is disgusted with Our Matt is a backlash backlash. More mascara for the original lashes, here’s hoping they go for miles.

Why do we saw the same old with regard to Our Matt? Why do repeat ourselves?

I can’t get into the greatest nutpunches the world has received from this marginally successful yet hugely unlikeable pratfall on actual ideas and discourse. But Mattsplaining is STAGMC. Behold this recent and glistening work product. It doesn’t even make sense.

Charles and David Koch are reporting considering buying the Tribune Company (owners of the L.A. Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Baltimore Sun, and others) prompting a great Garance Franke-Ruta piece on why big city newspapers’ editorial staffs invariably lean left.

That said, I don’t see this as reason for skepticism about the merits of the Koch venture. It’s actually why it makes sense. The “liberal media” is, as Franke-Ruta argues, largely a product of the free market. Certain niches—talk radio and cable television—are very friendly to a conservative editorial product but others are not. Which is exactly why what conservative media needs is a couple of extremely rich people to buy a newspaper company and lose a ton of money building a great conservative media product.

After all, the big problem with right-leaning media in America isn’t that it doesn’t exist. It’s that it’s terrible. There is a large audience out there that’s so frustrated with the vile MSM that it’s happy to lap up cheaply produced content from Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, and you can make lots of money serving that kind of thing up. By contrast, to build a great media company that’s top-to-bottom staffed with conservatives is going to be very expensive. The possible talent pool of great reporters is tilted toward liberals. The talent pool of great photographers and graphic designers is probably even more tilted toward liberals. Finding the great conservatives out there and hiring them is going to be relatively costly, and there’s no real economic point to doing so. Is your much worse cost structure going to get you a larger audience than Rush? No, it won’t. It’s a bad bet.
But the Kochs have plenty of money. If they want to see it happen, they can make it happen. And America would be better off for it.

Oh Ian Cohen-This is a Bridge Too Far

PITCHFORK writes the Andrew W.K. apologia. WE JUST DIDN’T GET YOU ANDREW W.K.!!!! Compare to Ry Schry’s original take:

And yet, some of these ‘punk’ and ‘indie’ kids are still willing to back WK up with a number of ridiculous excuses that they deep-down know are inherently flawed. “It’s catchy” is no kind of argument. Every pop song you’ve ever truly hated is catchy. “It’s ironic” is wack, too, since there’s exactly zero irony to be had on any of I Get Wet or in WK’s motivational interviews. “It’s fun” is about the only legitimate excuse a guy could come up with– and that’s the one thing I’ll give it to warrant the .6 in the rating– but this world of music which history has graced us with is loaded with fun music. Even fun music with substance, fun music that doesn’t talk to you like you’re some kinda total dipshit that wouldn’t know Boredoms from buzzworthy. And you don’t even have to look that hard! So then, what is the excuse for a typically elitist music nerd to bow to Andrew WK’s blistering tard-rock? That’s right, folks: there isn’t one.

SHORTER SHREIBER: “YOU, READING THIS, YOU AREN’T AN IDIOT, ARE YOU? I MEAN I CLEARLY DON’T THINK YOU ARE, AND SINCE YOU AREN’T, YOU CLEARLY DON’T LIKE ANDREW W.K., DO YOU? I KNEW YOU DIDN’T. THANK GOD WE GOT PREVIEW COPIES OF THE LATEST BOREDOMS 7 INCH FROM THE FUTURE. IN FACT I HAVE BUILT A TIME MACHINE TO ENSURE THAT IT IS NEVER RELEASED AND YOU SHALL NEVER HEAR OF IT. I WILL DESCRIBE IT TO YOU IN WAYS THAT YOU SHALL NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT SURELY YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HOW MUCH IT MAKES YOU A DIPSHIT.”
Continue reading ‘Oh Ian Cohen-This is a Bridge Too Far’

The Yglesiasening

Here is what the critics are saying about our new battle rap subject at Amazon:

Austin O. Jones “Consumer-in-Chief”, says:

Whilst Mr. Yglesias should be well-versed on the sordid history of glory-holes and their ilk, I find his grasp of the subject to be disappointing. Add to that his talentless, pedantic “writing”, and you end up with a fairly inexpensive doorstop.

I love thinking about this guy using the Kindle version of MattYmunch’s book as a doorstop. “MAH KINDLE!!!!!!!!!! DOH!”

Mark Frutig writes:

While Matt used many of the words found in more promising works, the order in which they were used was disappointing.

While this is simply wonderful, the meanest part is that Mr. Frutig has seen fit to only write two reviews for books he has not read, Yggie’s and Jerry Sandusky’s. Ouchies.

nikkolai writes:

I’m guessing this guy has no economic training, much less real-life experience, at all. Look elsewhere for this type of advice.

I almost feel like it is too mean to speculate that this is a Breitbarty bull in a broken clock factory, at this or the other right time of day.

DeeDee does not sound convincing- I do wonder if Breitybartos maybe concoct spammagamma in their time away from their spare time writing about MattY:

Same old tired Liberal tropes. I’ve followed this author on the Blogs, and there is not much new here. Just a chance to monetize his opinions, I guess. Buyer beware.

I don’t feel convinced, but I really want to be! Do you also love my newsletter?

Someone named Andrew Bretibart makes us feel sad for MY, and this is quite hard [I bet Brando just thought "that's what she said"]:

Awful, just awful.
The in depth description of anal probes on the space ship the author claims he went through..was too graphic.

T. Spaulding, in an extremely classy move, pushes us all the way into the Yglesias camp, for a mere moment before we destroy him with Battle Rap, with this statement, feeling the title of Matt’s book is too confusing:

Very disappointing. I thought it was titled “The Rent Boy Is Too Damn High: Tales From the Fire Island ER”.

Andrew Breitbart is Here.

I don’t get it! Where is Andrew LiteBriteBart? Is he in your homophobic cliché? Why not gild the lily? Perhaps the title was “Tales from the RNC closet inside the Judy Garland museum in KeyWestCastroSouthEndPTownChelsea”???

Courtesy of Mendacious D, willing this internet happenstance back to life, we relaunch our battle rap at MATTHEW YGLESIAS, may he have eventual solace from AB goons, but no solace from his own pet ard. Now with production values!

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Glooooob

If you have nothing nice to say about Megan McArdle, consider putting it in the form of a battle rap.

Oh, yeah, the long delayed -not due to Mendcious D- due to battle rap star self-destructive behavior- final mix of verbal 2×4 to Matt Y will drop this week. The wax ain’t exactly still hot on this platter, but we do what we can.

Battle Rap Demo Test

Just checking. This appeared to leak last week to a secret server. It is just a mixtape demo. Thanks to producer Mendacious D for copping beats, fish for some couplets, and Capt. Trollypants for getting Matt Y guesting on the track. We didn’t even get to haircuts. Check the beat while my DJ revolves it, chumpwagons!

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Lyrics below the fold, but I think you should suffer through the scorched earth devastation.

Continue reading ‘Battle Rap Demo Test’

PODCATS STUPID LOOSERS

YES YOU HEARD ME CHOADS. I HAVE HONORED JONAH GOLDBERG WITH A SPOKEN WORD PREFOMRMANCE/PODCATS OF HIS DEEPLY MOVING AND WISE WORDS REGARDING HIS CRITICS. I ALSO CONTINUE TO SMACK DOWN STUPID SLAPPERS WITH THE CONSTANT CHIRP OF CRICKETS THAT I HEAR IN MY EAR REGARDING THEIR NON-RESPONSE TO MY BATTLE RAPPING THEIR ASSES BACK TO THE STONED AGE.

AUDIO PODCATS PLAYER

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ALTERNATIVELY:

PODCATS

CAPTAIN TROLLYPANTS DEFECNDS JONAG GOLDBERG FROM STUPID THREE BULLS AND THERE STuPID BATTLE RAPS WITh AN AWESOME BATTLE RAP

THE WORLD IS GONNA EAT WHAT THE CAPTAIN HAS COOKING

I AM SO FRACKIN MAD AT THIS BLOG CONSTANTLY CRAPPING ON MY BRO, MY BRA JONAH G

GUESS WHO EATS IT???

FIRST OFF THREE FRACKING BULLS. PLOVER. UC. PINKO PUNKO. ALL FOUND AT ONE GODFORSAKEN PLACE, THREE BULLS- NO I”M NOT GOING TO LINK THEM. THIS WOULD MERELY BE WASTING TRAFFIC ON SWINE. I CAST NOT MY PEARLS.

ALSO, JONAH HATERS JUAN COLE, SADLY NO, THE EFITODEEDTIROS, SIFU TWEETY, DAVE NEIWERT AT ORC-ANUS, LIEBERAL CHOADS EZRA KLEIN, MATTHEW YGLESIAS, ATRIOS, BLOG HATERS UNFOGGED AND COUNTLESS OTHERS SLAPPERS LIKE JOHN STEWART

JONAH GOLDBERG HAS SUBCONSCIOUSLY ASKED ME TO RESPOND TO THIS CONSTANT GUM FLAPPING AND CLAPTRAPPING FROM THE LIBERAL BLOGOSPHERE ABOUT THINGS THEY ARE TOO SUPIDO TO EVEN CONTEMPLATE RUBBING TWO NEURONS TOGETHER ABOUT. HE HAS REMAINED ABOVE THE FRAY WHILE TASKING ME TO BATTLE RAP YOUR ASS LIKE IT HAS NEVER BEEN BATTLE RAPPED BEFORE. CONSIDER YOURSELF CAP’N SLAPPED CHUMPS

U R 3 BULLS

U R 3 BULLS
NAH NAH NAH NAH

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MY WORDS BELOW THE FOLD FOR THOSE TOO LAZY TO LISTEN TO MY GLORIOUS MP3 RIGHT ABOVE. I FORGOT TO RIP THE CRAP OUT OF OTHER LIBERAL STUFF LIKE CANADA, AND 3B COMMENTERS. GET A BRAINS AT THE BRAINS STORE MORANS AND TRY TO LISTEN TO THIS BEFORE YOU TRY TO AND FAIL TO READ BECAUSE YOU DON:T KNOW HOW

Continue reading ‘CAPTAIN TROLLYPANTS DEFECNDS JONAG GOLDBERG FROM STUPID THREE BULLS AND THERE STuPID BATTLE RAPS WITh AN AWESOME BATTLE RAP’

OK, I Dug Up Another Three Bulls! Mixtape Disstape Track

UPDATEWHAT DO I HAVE TO DO TO KEEP THIS POST ON THE TOP????? WHO WILL RID ME OF THIS MEDDLESOME COMMENTARIAT???? KIDDING, I LOVE YOU PEOPLES, ALSO AGAIN, FOR THE MASSIVE WAVE OF ATRIOTS (THANKS WHISKEYS), JONAH GOLDBERG DISS HERE. ALSO, Althouse diss somewhere on the site

I will post it here as an update, but first I want you guys to vote on several things:

Shall I annotate it, or would you like to try to figure out the allusions and post them in comments, or will you even listen to it at all?

I need to gauge the extent of ass required for the post and the expected ass extent of commenting you plan to extend or expend. Please do not consider the categories of this post to have any meaning.

UPDATE

Here it is, Chock Full O’ Nuts, ItEat. MP3 for those on RSS is right here:

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Press play on the little play icon. I think Kathleen will at least laugh.

It’s about a year and a half old lyrics wise, but it paints a poignant picture of certain someones.

You can link allusions in the comments, if they are even decipherable.

Example.

Emuvosis-The Emuvosising

UPDATE: Jonah Goldberg gets the treatment here.

From the Japanese EP “Next Stop Chumpagon” 3B Wreckords presents our All Star salute to John Aravosis, Paid-triot, Legend, Ass.

I was hesitant to post because there is one voice in here that I felt could be misconstrued as a particular stereotype. The stereotype that it was meant to be construed as is one of a wise guy charlatan huckster, not any other.

Emuvosis mp3 [not shown on RSS]

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Below the fold are annotated lyrics, so one can fallow the Tears of the Emuvosis.
Continue reading ‘Emuvosis-The Emuvosising’

Unreleased B-side White Label Solo Project Bootleg Art Phase

[UPDATE- if you read us on RSS, you can't see the little mp3 player we have here for you to play the track. So click on the post lazies, and use the REAL internet]
3B takes on Chundermuffin, Inc (CEO Ann Emu) in this followup (below) to our Mixtape Diss Tape project, it is a toss off from a couple of years ago.

Shout out to Ann Althouse, Edgar Winter, Shakespeare, the usuals.

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Maybe Thers will think it amusing in a miniscule amount.