Archive for the 'Blog Nemeses' Category


Everyones, this blog has been getting 60 spams a day. They don’t make it onto the blog, but they completely swamp my will to do anything. Consider them the tree in the yard that does nothing but drop stinky pods that must be raked. I loathe such rakers.

Anyhow, there is now double the math for your commenting fiascos. Unless plover can figure out, as plovers are wont, where in the style sheet the new Captcha font color is called out, your tiny eyes will do nothing but strain to make out the directions for your math Waterloo. As much as I hope that shady Ruskeroo criminal computers would be even more disadvantaged in squinting their cpu to conquer such Captcha, I feel we might be in trouble.

Anyhow. I have probably about 10 days to finish Pitchforke Cobaggery Watch 2011 before 2012 rolls around. Nothing says how boring the list must have been last year than the great effort put out by music lovers (Seitz), and snark lovers (Brando), and Pinko haters (UC) and in betweeners (PP) that we could not make it through 100 songs in 350 days. Onward.

Did I miss the election? What happened?

Oh Em Gee^WTF

Without speech am I- I thinketh that I become the Booxxor of Joob, and I feel like I have been hired to star.

The affliction to end all afflictions:

TPPF has also hired Joshua Treviño, for the new position of senior projects director. He previously served as the vice president for public policy at the Pacific Research Institute, the TPPF of California (God bless ’em). His background includes extensive experience in the government, military, non-profit, campaign, and private sectors. He is a co-founder of the popular conservative blog “Joshua is someone we have known and respected for several years, and we are thrilled that we finally have the opportunity to bring him onto our team,” Rollins said.

We are slightly disappointed, and entirely unsurprised

The Goobie Thread, it seems, has reached its saturation point. Speculators, however, are pointing out that Peak Goobie is a long way away, and to invest in shenanigans and squee for a long-term payoff.

Special mention must be made, however, of Dread Lord C’thundra for Rickrolling the thread so late in the game, and for not being the most painful comment to read within it, Brando.

One can only imagine what will happen when the spammers get hold of it.


The glorious Twitter account of JIMJAM has been suspended. We weep for the state of the media. And DINGERS.

It should also be noted that PETA, enemies of meat, would like to change the name of the hallowed Tenderloin District. We suggest that local operatives be dispatched to petition for an alternate name: Pork Snorkel.

Any other business?

Good Times

Thunderpants should probably duct tape his head together, lest it explode.

To wit, the New York Times Public Editor.

Bob Woodward, who wrote about secret operations in Pakistan in his recent book “Obama’s Wars,” described for me the competing priorities in play in this situation. On one hand, he said, the Davis affair is just the “tip of the iceberg” of intensive secret warfare the United States is waging in the region. “I think the aggressive nature of the way all that is covered is good because you are only seeing part of the activity, ” said Mr. Woodward, who also is associate editor of The Washington Post.

“But you just don’t want to get someone killed,” he added. “I learned a long time ago, humanitarian considerations first, journalism second.”

Three beat silence.

Cue: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Keyboard Kommandos style.


I am going to have to Chunky Megan the Urban Dictionary.

Imagine if you will, I construct a persona based on emotionally stunted casual elitist clueless narcissism. I use this persona to submit regular writings on the internet. These writings are highly probably to enrage due to their tossed off and obtuse nature. Conveniently, I will allow you to comment on my being wrong or lacking in experience or understanding of what I discuss. These comments will have no bearing on whether I continue to say dipshit type things. In fact, I will increase the frequency of my emanations. It is something like that combined with this:

Chunky Megan
A sexual proclivity so disgusting, so degenerate, yet also so pedestrian and pathetically sad, that it requires a yet to be invented multidimensional sexual string theory to describe it in any detail. It is beyond actual description or comprehension. It is more easily understood using analogies.

The act of claiming to be a liberal blogger while actually being a privileged know-nothing elitist turd is to be a practitioner of the act of Chunky Megan on the internet.

Imagining them procreating is to begin to conceive of the act of a Chunky Megan.

Matthew Yglesias is such a Chunky Megan.

When I read Matthew Yglesias’ blog, I get the feeling I’m being subjected to a Chunky Megan.
by [redacted] on Sep 12, 2010

tags: neo-liberal cobagging, the sexual practice of a cobag, glibertarian, libertarian, wanker

Perhaps [redacted] wasn’t accurate enough for this essential truism to officially be entered into the greater lexicon. Sigh.

And this is how you troll punch a hippie fish

Take it away, Josh Marshall:

JW checks in from the screechy sectarian left …

The fact that Jews were relentlessly persecuted by European Christians for seventeen hundred years by no stretch of the imagination gave them the right to go and do exactly the same thing to another innocent people. If Americans are so passionate about such a relic of the nineteenth century as the ethno-religious state, then by all means let us give New York to the Jews; Palestine was never ours to give away.
Continue reading ‘And this is how you troll punch a hippie fish’

An Existential Dilemma

Two seemingly unrelated things must be shared with you. Fret not: all shall be made clear.

Exhibit A:

We must first rejoice that Another Kiwi Smut Clyde (thanks to AK in comments) may have uncovered The Ombudsmøøse’s holy descendancy. However, some unfortunate souls dispute the findings. We are certain that our esteemed colleagues from the Order of Ombudsentities and Their Bourbons shall be issuing a press release forthwith. The bourbons, that is. They are obviously of purer spirit.

Exhibit Q, emphasis (but no exclamations!) added:

The CCA publishes an entry on its blog on “How to lose a customer without even trying!” including the exclamation! point. The irony is devastating, the following in particular:

Generally, it is inexpensive to build an awareness campaign. Newspapers often have community news areas and/or you can purchase radio time. You can but up signage outside the [curling] club, on the street or wherever you can get the message across. Of course, in today’s world web sites (are almost becoming traditional media) and Social media like Facebook are a must. If you’re not on the internet, you don’t exist!!

Thus we are forced to confront the reality that if an ombuds doesn’t post, the ombuds may not exist. It would, at the very least, be commensurate with the pay scale.

Discuss. Or don’t. Exaltations regarding Yosef’s long-awaited return calling out the Aforementioned Kiwi Smut Clyde’s esteemed colleague may be substituted. Personally, we await PupH’s entry: a Beef Wellington recipe spray-painted onto the side of Westpac Stadium.

Any other business?

(GS Update: “Recycled Westpac Stadium/PupH Joke below)
Continue reading ‘An Existential Dilemma’

alrighty then

It’s generally at about this point in the blogging lulls that I put forth some half-a**ed post that so horrifies the other bullsies that they spew forth actual content like Eyjafjallajokul spews forth ash on a restless day. Doneski!!!!!

Also we are challenging Riddled to a Wellington street art competition.

definitely not banksy

Best found art wins. I have dibs on “Darth Vader playing the Rubik’s cube.”

I blame fish

There have been multiple complaints regarding this blog and the propensity for extensive arguments. The Ombuds collective acknowledges that arguments must be avoided at all costs as they have a tendency to make David Broder uncomfortable. It has also been noted that these arguments are taking place without the proper safety training as required by Article E, Section M, Subheading U. So before we continue, it is required that you all view this argument training video:

Fish stole the video. Let us proceed then. A rigorous statistical analysis of the argument phenomenon that is occurring in the greater 3Bulls(!) blogosphere revealed only one  common causative modality with a P Value reaching significance (p=0.0): fish. Yes, it appears fish is a major root cause of argumentation. I am afraid that an intervention is required.

There is a problem however. How does one actually intervene with a chronic arguer? The first step is to recognize the signs of the arguing addict to be sure the diagnosis is correct:

1) Does the individual head into the bathroom carrying a copy of Debaters Weekly and mumbling something about becoming a “Master”?

2) Do you have to put parental controls on the TV to block The McLaughlin Group?

3) Must you never say the words “designated hitter” out loud in his or her presence?

4) Have you heard enough about salt already?

Given criteria such as those above, it is clear to the Ombuds that fish has a serious problem and runs the risk of making David Broder cry if he does not get the help that he needs.

This Ombud has a few recommended actions:

1) pick up apparatus; use apparatus, play video of Kennedy/Nixon debate while playing Rush at full volume.

2) mark fish’s IP as spam and then initiate an argument between Mandos and Plover on the post-modern theory as applied to the inherent sexism of Linux use in the movie Avatar.

3) Read Matt Yglesias’ justification for the Iraq War out loud and apply strong electroshock every time he audibly snorts.

4) Cancel his subscriptions to Z Magazine and the Utne Reader. Force him to subscribe to and read TNR, Slate, and The Nation. Refuse to discuss or consider any points of view other than David Corn’s.

5) Any time he brings up Chomsky, say that “Jonah Goldberg really has a more interesting take on this topic”.

6) Agree with everything he says. (this may be an unworkable solution)

I am sure with aggressive treatment, we can get fish to allow someone else to speak once in a while. If he continues on his current path, he is in danger of using up all the letters on the internets. Let’s get him re-socialized and ready to become a productive member of society again. Won’t you help fish instead of cursing him?


The Side is the Same Side But Different Side

That I am stuck with Kevin Drum, being in sullen solidarity with on many issues, but somehow less easily bored. I realize, though, that this side will always lose due to the inevitable boredom of Mr. Drum, ironic I know. Case in point. Topped with the ask and answer your own question in the mouth of someone else asking that question Benen-ism. Sad.

For the record, I think court cases objecting to religious symbols on public property have gone way beyond the point of diminishing returns. Basically, I don’t care anymore, and if it were up to me I’d leave the cross alone.

But it’s not up to me, and once these cases go to court they don’t deserve this kind of sophistry. As Jonathan Kulick asks, “Does Justice Scalia actually not understand that the cross is, in the United States, the most common symbol of the resting place of the dead because most of those dead were Christians?” Apparently not.

Yes, I think Scalia “doesn’t understand.” That is the most supported hypothesis.

As Capt. Trollypants asks, “Does Kevin Drum actually not understand that Antonin Scalia is a fundamentally disonest Loafnozzle McGoo? And that being bored is not really a useful metric towards church-state policy?” Apparently not, Pinko Benens.

Pinko is then killed by a giant cabbage monster offstage for Benening.