Archive for the 'Cloacular' Category

If Only This Basketball Team Consisted of Dude Pharmacists Playing in the You Can’t Have Birthcontrol Semifinals

the game would have been rescheduled with extreme prejudice. What I love about Big Texas Cloverhill Honeybun, is they just draw a fine line in the sand, being so sensitive to the slippery slope. I have to say I am surprised that they didn’t just automatically schedule every single game for the Orthodox Jews on the Sabbath, I mean there just can’t be two sets of rules. It wouldn’t be fair (these are Instapundit resentiment racist italics, Cf., also Trevor at comment three in the Cf.). Hattipo, Atrioni.

Good Times

Thunderpants should probably duct tape his head together, lest it explode.

To wit, the New York Times Public Editor.

Bob Woodward, who wrote about secret operations in Pakistan in his recent book “Obama’s Wars,” described for me the competing priorities in play in this situation. On one hand, he said, the Davis affair is just the “tip of the iceberg” of intensive secret warfare the United States is waging in the region. “I think the aggressive nature of the way all that is covered is good because you are only seeing part of the activity, ” said Mr. Woodward, who also is associate editor of The Washington Post.

“But you just don’t want to get someone killed,” he added. “I learned a long time ago, humanitarian considerations first, journalism second.”

Three beat silence.

Cue: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Keyboard Kommandos style.

Start Boiling the Oil

And rounding up the fire ants. PDF file for your perusal. K Drum to Felix Salmon I think, over to us. What an infield that is.

[File is a Congressional Report on a type of STAGMC Cobag]

New Feature at IBTP

Ways in Which the Internet Sucks. Not surprisingly it finds a way to include Jake Tapper, who we simply and cruelly wound by the mere fact of mentioning him in the negative light he so sadly deserves.

We’ve been waiting for just this moment to present some CNN.com screen caps from this week.

A)
cnn1

If only the confused bisexual lesbians could make up their minds, we’d be able to finally conquer this health care debate and make it to Mars. Global warming sadly, is linked to bi-racial men who can’t decide what flavor slurpee they want, and seems intractable.

B)
cnn2

Blarp. Psssssssssssss. *Deflate* POP, Whirrrrr. Sigh.

Junk food

There has been a recent plea shouted into the dark vacuum of the internet:

Also, what can the ombudscommittee do about this travesty appearing in my inbox

Junk Foods That Could Save Your Life
August 7, 2009

From Cheez Whiz to blue M&M’s, here are five dietary don’ts with surprising health virtues. More…

Fortunately for Kathleen, wagons of ombud (this is not what the MoH thinks it is) can hear just fine in a vacuum.

Kathleen is correct, immediate action is needed. I, Ombudwagon, will take this important responsibility onto myself. Much like the several months I spent deeply researching issues regarding esoteric pornography other stuff, I will now throw myself into dealing with the travesty that has assaulted Kathleen from this e-missive. I believe the action items for dealing with the aforementioned problem are:

1) Transfer the entire abomination to one Pinko Punko using a preferred method of e-transfer.

2) Someone temporarily un-fire one Pinko Punko until such time as he can post the e-transferred e-missive in its e-ntirety into Delish or Disgust. Re-termination (or even re-animation if the timing is good) can be immediately enacted upon completion of his duties.

3) Tapping into the power of the internets, we can then  “crowdsource” the validity of the purported health claims for the various “junk foods.” Volunteers will extreme test each foodstuff for its potential health benefits and report back results to the central junk food bureau of standards and measures.

N.B.  Experimentation is encouraged in maximizing potential benefits through food synergies. E.g. Would Cheez Whiz Blue M&M pie confer additive or synergistic benefits to the eater?

4) Once the data has been carefully vetted and all important conclusions have been made, we will then proceed to ignore the report because who actually reads D or D anyway? Well at least it isn’t Celebrity Dream Cameo…

Our Ombuds are Mere Amateurs

And should be proud of it.

I give you NPR.

Rebuttal

Thus a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort is to be regarded as a stipulation to place the constructions into these various categories.Clearly, any associated supporting element does not affect the structure of the strong generative capacity of the theory.Clearly, an important property of these three types of EC raises serious doubts about a corpus of utterance tokens upon which conformity has been defined by the paired utterance test.For one thing, the theory of syntactic features developed earlier is not subject to the strong generative capacity of the theory.Note that a case of semigrammaticalness of a different sort raises serious doubts about the levels of acceptability from fairly high (e.g. (99a)) to virtual gibberish (e.g. (98d)).

It is written, so it must be so

Sadly, I do not know which Chuck Todd Gawker seems to think they are faux contrarianly feasting on, but who am I to argue with the chumming of the water with NBC’s gummy bear. More serious is our respected colleague KWB forcefully making the case for Chaz being a funky bratwurst.

In what way can Mr. Chuck Todd’s reputation be salvaged? We suggest an honorary award.

todd

Perhaps some astroturfing by one of his fan clubs could further burnish his rep.

Sketchy Sketch of the Politico Timeline

They debut to denunciations of Drudge-ry and Note-ism (accurate), noted by Talking Points Memo and anyone with two neurons trading action potentials.

During the primaries and election, Talking Points Memo amplifies and inflates countless Politico “scoops” because TPM decides to be exclusively “horse race” in their coverage. TPM gets some deserved scorn from The Daily Howler to the sound of one Pinko clapping. Nobody bothers to notice. Nobody bothers to Deep Thought “I wish Josh wouldn’t link The Politico so much.”

Post-election, Talking Points Memo has swung back to issues of policy, as Josh Marshall (and the rest of us) is rightly crapping his Memo pants over the ongoing economic lava attack. In doing so, they have rediscovered the fact that The Politico is just terrible.

How did we end up with this 900 pound gorilla fart under the covers? Politico!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

They Wrote the Book On Mealy-Mouthed

Newspaper endorsements are always fun. Especially when they play the game of high centrism. Allow us to bathe in the finely turned rhetoric of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, RE: their endorsement of one Dave Reichert (R-WA).

In the 8th Congressional District, Eastside and neighboring voters have a race that is more competitive than most, with two capable candidates. For those of us who think that there should be strong reasons to kick out an incumbent trying to represent a diverse district well, Dave Reichert is the choice for re-election. We also think that preserving and encouraging the development of a rare voice of moderation within the Republican Party is important at a time of almost unremitting polarization.[PP adds: Why? Cannot a [D] serve all his or her constituents?]

We would be perfectly comfortable with his opponent, Democrat Darcy Burner, who is smart, well informed and progressive. Her views are much closer to our own on domestic and foreign policy, and we supported her in 2006. [PP adds: well that just sucks. Let’s cut off our noses to spite our faces] But this is not an ideological choice.

In the past two years, Reichert has grown. When he was re-elected, we urged him to emphasize independence from the White House. We also suggested that he maintain his commitment to the environment and to mature in a new role as a member of the minority party.

He says it was hard to become a member of the minority, but he seems to have handled it well. Especially concerning the environment, where he has staked out moderate positions at odds with his party. He was one of the more progressive members in either party on farm and food policy.

Reichert was absent without leave from good sense during the worst periods of the Iraq War. We will never agree with his anti-choice views. But he has shown a willingness and capacity to hear opposing positions, to learn from the discussions and to work across political divisions. As a Republican of moderation, he is an endangered species worth preserving.

My emphases. I really haven’t read anything so…what’s the word??

Dear Washington, for the sake of some hypothetical high-mindedness, we urge you to forgo a woman’s right to choose, and decency on foreign and domestic policy. MAKES SENSE! DIAL IT UP!