Archive for the 'Cobagitation' Category

WHOA CONTENT TORRENT!!!!!!!

Quick test of my geographical neighborhood via le Google. Please type in “how to make a nap” into Google and let us know in comments what the first 3-4 guesses are.

We feel a bit worried about our local search results.

UPDATE:

don’t use quotes and I don’t want the search results I want what google is going to guess about your typing

Further a-hemming

First and foremost we must thank our estimable and differently-vitalized colleague for an exquisite fridge-noting, beautiful in execution and envious in scope. We would happily cede Overlordship of the Ombuds collective to Mr. Rotten if we were not too lazy to abdicate.

Second, we feel it necessary to praise plover’s resurrection of the notorious Icewedge (and many variations thereof). Background, for those of you who insist on feigning interest, can be found here.

Third and most importantly, we are quite happy that Von and other worthies have been unspammed thanks to Forces Beyond Our Control. The new WordPress posting layout is only slightly more terrible than the last, but this is a minor price to pay. Those who disagree will be banned. Again.

Fourth, to answer ZRM when he asked:

Whoah.

This blog is still here?

No.

Any other business?

Filed under: not helping Jennifer

We emerge only briefly from our hibernation to bring you important news: a new species of jumping spider has been discovered, and a contest is being held to name it. Beware of photos of said specimen at the link. You know who you are.

Pinko suggests ploverulus amatiens, but we are partial to the more subtle lapsias gooba, in spite of the patriarchal naming conventions used in descriptive names.

(Astute and worldly readers will note that this same edifice detailed by decidedly more local blogger Substance McGravitas. Thus far, a plaque to commemorate the visit has not been approved.)

Please contribute your suggestions below, or at the link. Bonus points for Phil Collins references and more general depravity.

Any other business?

Unfortunately

I am going to have to Chunky Megan the Urban Dictionary.

Imagine if you will, I construct a persona based on emotionally stunted casual elitist clueless narcissism. I use this persona to submit regular writings on the internet. These writings are highly probably to enrage due to their tossed off and obtuse nature. Conveniently, I will allow you to comment on my being wrong or lacking in experience or understanding of what I discuss. These comments will have no bearing on whether I continue to say dipshit type things. In fact, I will increase the frequency of my emanations. It is something like that combined with this:

Chunky Megan
A sexual proclivity so disgusting, so degenerate, yet also so pedestrian and pathetically sad, that it requires a yet to be invented multidimensional sexual string theory to describe it in any detail. It is beyond actual description or comprehension. It is more easily understood using analogies.

The act of claiming to be a liberal blogger while actually being a privileged know-nothing elitist turd is to be a practitioner of the act of Chunky Megan on the internet.

Imagining them procreating is to begin to conceive of the act of a Chunky Megan.

Matthew Yglesias is such a Chunky Megan.

When I read Matthew Yglesias’ blog, I get the feeling I’m being subjected to a Chunky Megan.
by [redacted] on Sep 12, 2010

tags: neo-liberal cobagging, the sexual practice of a cobag, glibertarian, libertarian, wanker

Perhaps [redacted] wasn’t accurate enough for this essential truism to officially be entered into the greater lexicon. Sigh.

I blame fish

There have been multiple complaints regarding this blog and the propensity for extensive arguments. The Ombuds collective acknowledges that arguments must be avoided at all costs as they have a tendency to make David Broder uncomfortable. It has also been noted that these arguments are taking place without the proper safety training as required by Article E, Section M, Subheading U. So before we continue, it is required that you all view this argument training video:

Fish stole the video. Let us proceed then. A rigorous statistical analysis of the argument phenomenon that is occurring in the greater 3Bulls(!) blogosphere revealed only one  common causative modality with a P Value reaching significance (p=0.0): fish. Yes, it appears fish is a major root cause of argumentation. I am afraid that an intervention is required.

There is a problem however. How does one actually intervene with a chronic arguer? The first step is to recognize the signs of the arguing addict to be sure the diagnosis is correct:

1) Does the individual head into the bathroom carrying a copy of Debaters Weekly and mumbling something about becoming a “Master”?

2) Do you have to put parental controls on the TV to block The McLaughlin Group?

3) Must you never say the words “designated hitter” out loud in his or her presence?

4) Have you heard enough about salt already?

Given criteria such as those above, it is clear to the Ombuds that fish has a serious problem and runs the risk of making David Broder cry if he does not get the help that he needs.

This Ombud has a few recommended actions:

1) pick up apparatus; use apparatus, play video of Kennedy/Nixon debate while playing Rush at full volume.

2) mark fish’s IP as spam and then initiate an argument between Mandos and Plover on the post-modern theory as applied to the inherent sexism of Linux use in the movie Avatar.

3) Read Matt Yglesias’ justification for the Iraq War out loud and apply strong electroshock every time he audibly snorts.

4) Cancel his subscriptions to Z Magazine and the Utne Reader. Force him to subscribe to and read TNR, Slate, and The Nation. Refuse to discuss or consider any points of view other than David Corn’s.

5) Any time he brings up Chomsky, say that “Jonah Goldberg really has a more interesting take on this topic”.

6) Agree with everything he says. (this may be an unworkable solution)

I am sure with aggressive treatment, we can get fish to allow someone else to speak once in a while. If he continues on his current path, he is in danger of using up all the letters on the internets. Let’s get him re-socialized and ready to become a productive member of society again. Won’t you help fish instead of cursing him?

(64)

An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!

ombuddy seal of approval

Introducing the Ombud… Seal of Approval (OSA)!

Do you, gentle and not so gentle readers, often find yourself approaching new Three Bulls! posts with trepidation verging on fear?

Do you find yourself wondering:

Will there be an Ombud… available if I have any questions, concerns or complaints about this post?

Have the photographs in this post been analyzed by trained professionals for hidden meanings, nuance and most importantly matters related to the state of the union?

Will anything be harmed in anyway by the content of or omissions from this post?

Are the authors of this post sufficiently non partisan?

Does this post contain verified facts and/or science related to politics, life or other contentious issues without presenting the reader with opposing wackadoodle beliefs for balance?

Can the terms “teabag” and “teabagging,” as used in this post, be interpreted in an inappropriate manner?

Does this post contain opinion?

Have the authors considered every side of every coin?

Is this post civil or will it lead to incivility?

Will this post hurt my feelings or the feelings of others?

What’s the number of the complaint line and what happens if it is busy?

Were John McCain and Joe Lieberman briefed on the content of this post?

Will I get hungry part way through this post?

Will I get it?

Continue reading ‘An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!’

Fixing the Internets

Brando hath tasted that which he hath wrought, and it be a bitter pill.

SCANDAL

100_1753

“Caught ‘hanging’ out at a rest stop”

100_1752

“No comment”

We are aware that we are still lagging in our duties since our return. Our illustrious replacement has done such a good job that we worry about not being quite up to the challenge of playing the role of ombudsthing for the greater exaltation of our commenters.

To wit:

1. The goading of our own Random Randroid
by noted agent velour et provocateur Pinko Punko, which inspired ITTDGY to a rather apropos pun.

2. To our absentee colleagues
who have suddenly, and perhaps sullenly returned to the fold: more, please. The readership must know what PupH will consume next!

Actually, I think I see an answer to Pinko’s original question…

3. The Gnü Left’s dialectical diffusion
at the Eschaton, as wielded by Thers of Whiskey Fire. Also, one of my occasional hobbies is to remind Pinko et al of the highly democratic straw poll which appointed this very blog as The New Left™ following the sad departure of Norbizness from the blogosphere. This is your yearly reminder.

4. Action Item!
The fine writers at Shakespeare’s Sister have ranked “the top six (verifiable) monsters in order of righteousness.” And the humble Chupacabra is ranked only fourth! Fourth! What nonsense. Clearly the terror that is the Grapefruit Chupacabra must be made known!

We also note the lack of zombies on the list, which pleases us, and perhaps some others.

Any other business?

Is there a doctor in the house?

ekg_flatline