Archive for the 'Do we have a Phil Collins category yet?' Category

PITCHFORK COBAGGERY WATCH 2011-UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!

PCW 2011

I need to be honest, this feature is less fun for probably two reasons, one UC doesn’t make me laugh nonstop anymore, though I know he would if he could, but also that the music this last year seemed just so boring. The inexplicable and the terrible have been replaced by the sadly predictable. Minimally, if we are gonna stay in this game, we should at least bring back this feature– where the mean record store clerk gives an internal monologue for your purchases. The best part is we could all hammer our favorite albums

The 2011 Track List at Pitchfork

Previously:

2010

We previously sprung the rest of the Top Tracks of 2010 as placed on a Ritz cracker by Pitchfork back in surprisingly April. The list was here, but maybe it is so old it might 404?????

2010 Numbers 20-1

2009

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here. 80-61 here. 60-41 here. 40-21 here. Somebody should graph our output over the year. Diminishing returns? I think not. UC delivers! Suck it, All Music Guide!

2009 Numbers 20-1

2008

It is done.

Previous here and in links.

2008 Numbers 20-1

2007

Here, here, here, here, here.

2006

Here, here, here, here.

2011 JUST IN TIME FOR 2012! And here. we. go.

100. Thundercat “For Love (I Come Your Friend)”
PP says: The intro on this is very free-form Spinal Tap jazz odyssey. Now I am wondering if this is a Destroyer-level joke/awesome ironic/serious take on something, but now I feel like it is cool kid irony reversal, make something so uncool that you can reverse direction on a dime and declare it cool when nobody is looking, guaranteeing that you will lead the charge. My feelings on this: jazz fusion is either great forever, or mostly never, but it is one or the other, and if you can’t explain it without using the context “no, this is cool now because it isn’t cool” then it is probably just a noodly wank. Novelty mixtape trashbin material, but inoffensive.

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We Are Nowhere And It’s Now

WARNING: OMBUDDY CONTENT.

1. all Resident Oms extend warmest bestest wishes to Pinko and GC, as well as thanks for adding their genetic stew to this roiling world of noise and interest. Sue me, I’m not a poet. The Ombudsman Activity Review Board also approves. Huzzah! all around.

1.(A).  Make sure you ask for a Long Form Birth Certificate.  It’s like a receipt, apparently.  Orly Taitz may be able to advise, as well as clean your teeth.

2. From the looks of things, Mendacious D has returned. This, of course, throws the status of the Ombudsmyriad into question. And turmoil. Speaking only for myself (an unusual step for an Om) I have fear that my position will be summarily terminated, and I will be assigned to WND, or worse, Jonah Goldberg. Look at what they did to Pinko Punko, and he’s on the masthead. As strange and frightening as this place is, I confess I feel comfortable here. Look, I wish to make it plain:  if I need to perform “extracurricular services” in order to retain my position, I will.  I can hook you up with half-smokes.

Not to say, of course, that MenD’s renewed contributions won’t be welcome.  3Bulls readership has a LOT of complaints.  High maintenance.  We love our readers, and wish to minimize their psychotic episodes.

3.  It has been reported that there has been discriminatory, near-hate talk in one of the comment threads.  We shall not name names, as we are not about blame-gaming, but suffice to say all participants should keep their hatred for the non-living under wraps while here.

4.  Jennifer rocks, and any confusion about recent art is solely in Blue Girl’s head.  This may seem a bit judgmental, but after review by a panel of Ombuds and a troop of Girls Scouts, it is the only conclusion possible.  It is possible that bribery could change this decision.  However, Jennifer MAY OR MAY NOT be on Notice for the “Ghosts are always White” colorism.

5.  A recent post was titled “UC Must Be Denounced”.  This is a troubling, accusatory header, and 3Bulls normally avoids this kind of drastic language.  It’s hurtful and UC is a standuppish fellow.  But the lack of irony in the face of Night Rangery does, in fact, indicate a severe lapse in judgment, and in suchlike cases, strong header language is warranted.  The fact that this lapse was preceded by the rejection of the Collins does not ameliorate.  One must always be on guard against Rangery incursions.

6.  THIS was worthy of 3Bulls.  Huzzah for Von!  Way to strike against the forces of entropy and choadism.  Golf claps all around.

7.  The previous post title was not misspelled.

8.  RED.

Re-Rebuttal Butt Butte (half)

Based on recent events, I believe a formal response would be salutary.  Helpful, even.

After the recent kerfuffle over an introductory Ombudsglooob post that was deemed non-ombudshelpfullike, the OARB came down on me like a ton of soggy chicken feathers.  Also, the CCA sent several large stones hurtling through my front door.  I believe I even pissed off the AFL-CIO and NAMBLA.

Item the First: I have discovered that I was in grievous error in describing Certain Various Citrus Monsters as Imaginary.  Indeed, I was visited not only by the Grapefruit Chupacabra three nights ago, but the following night by Tucker the Orange and last night tag teamed by a Frankenlemon and what can only be described as a Key Lime Zombie.  we had long discussions; while edifying, it must be said that Citrus Monsters are not sparkling conversationalists.

Seriously, it was like A Christmas Carol as written by Anita Bryant.  A Citrus Carol.  I fully expect to be visited tonight by an overgrown Mutant Kumquat to infect me with Citrus Canker, unless I bribe a street urchin to go buy me the biggest Pork Snorkel in the shop window.

So, in short, it must be conceded that Citrus Monsters do, in fact, exist, and are willing to disrupt your sleep patterns with long, Ben Stein like monologues if necessary.

Item the Second: The COBA has decried the lack of professionaism, helpfulness, and generally undignified state of 3Bulls.  Now, in my defense, I must state that my OmbudsContract did not include the words “Dignity”  “Professional”  or “Helpful”; indeed, it only contained one “whereas”  and three “ats”.  However, there was mention of “shenanigans”, “cobagitation”, “half-assedness” and several times, “Zardoz”.  Also, a whole section was entitled “When All Hell Breaks Loose”.  And even though I felt there was not enough mention of “Salary”, “Vacation”, “Cuba Libre Lunches” or “Legal Defence”, the agreement was generally satisfactory on both sides.

It must needs be pointed out, however, that failure of execution is not only part of the day to day operation of this dark-blue bloggo, but that it is in fact, a time honored Tradition.  I submit as evidence this Words of Wisdom, seen recently in the sidebar:

3bullsloozers1

I maintain that as Ombudsglooob, I was merely conforming to the 3Bulls Mission Statement.

Item the Thrid:  In the spirit of Ombuddsing, a visitor plaintively asked “Where’s My Pudding?”.  The dessertly nature of this request makes our tempombudsheart fairly burst.  Following on a clue left in a subsequent comment, we discovered that fish’s pudding, was, in fact, taken by Blue Girl.  Furthermore, she ATE IT INCORRECTLY!!  This is, of course, the prerogative of a Cookie Queen, if no less heinous for that.  Without the support of my new Citrus Monster friends, though, I am not equipped to confront this person.  Fortunately she spends all her time these days on Facebook and honking at old people. Maybe the CCA can send a Sternly Worded Letter.  Maybe Minnesota Law Firm can send a Støørnly Worded Letter.   I am going to stay the hell out of it from now on.

Item the Fourth: Phil Collins may be a talented drummer, but he is no longer Cute.  Also, he has been married AS MANY TIMES AS NEWT GINGRICH!!  Something Coming In The Air Tonight, Indeed.  Think about it, won’t you?

Fear not, friendly 3Bulls visitor and/or Reader!  An epochal Ombudspost is in the works!  It will answer half your questions.  Or maybe None.  But full-assedness is RIGHT OUT!!

[EDIT]  I believe I am offended at the Ombudsnick I was assigned.  doesn’t matter which definition you go with.

Like a sieve

Another tape purported to be from the pre-film career days of Pinko Punko was leaked to us. Tossed over the transom in an unmarked envelope, the tape was labeled only “June 27, 2005”. However, several members of our staff think that his appearance is closer to his recent PPII appearances than to the previously leaked demo reel. Our trace evidence experts have determined that a fiber found in the envelope came from a red track suit.

(Warning: Contains significant levels of Phil Collins content.)

Update: Little known Pinko fact: in order to get his career started, he first had to get out of Pugsley’s shadow.

Exclusive! Secret Pinko Punko tape! Only at 3B!

Now that Pinko Punko has sold out gone Galt torpedoed his reputation gotten his big break at Sadly, No!, we feel it is in the finest internet tradition to leak this early demo reel from his days busing tablesI originally typed “bussing tables”. Rumor has it that that occurred also. and splicing genes.

Requisite Pre-anticlimax Post Expectations Game Teaser Post

In order to simultaneously inflate and deflate expectations, I am having myself pushed out on stage to tinker ineptly, o reader, with that mythical psyche belonging to you, that is, the dearest oubliette of the datastream of your very own sensory apparatus, by informing you of the upcoming special offering by Three Bulls’s own ombirdspersonmoose. The omnivarious noises, smells, and dazed ungulates issuing from the 3B stu-stu-studio indicate this offering will no doubt be the omphalic touchstone that defines “half” (MOE 50%), “ass” and the conceivable conjugations thereof for the year to come. In furtherance of levels of anticipation that are self-cancelingly vertiginous, I leave you with this:
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