Archive for the 'Extra Meta' Category

Request for reader blurriness: Should Three Bulls! Incarnate (Inblogate?) Incoherence?

Rebuilt Cop Id = Public Editor

A word from Errata Brushbins, 3B’s I-blur-topic ed.

I’m looking for “reader” input on whether and when Three Bulls! keyboard monkeys/meese/birds/fungi/ombudsganisms should insist that “sense” is overrated and ought to be dispensed with in any “content” inflicted on hapless viewers of this website.

One example mentioned recently by a small, potted plant that has never actually read this site: As noted in the recent XLVIX-part series “Under the Bench: A Gum Wad’s View of the Supreme Court”, a court spokeswoman said Clarence Thomas had “misunderstood” the rules of curling when he used curling stones supplied by his wife which could be remotely steered from a bunker under the Heritage Foundation. The plant seemed perturbed by the plausibility of this scenario.

Another example: on the campaign trail, Mitt Romney often says President Obama has made speeches “apologizing for the lateness of Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch,” a phrase to which Uncanny Canadian responded in a December column by saying: “”.

As a denizen of the Three Bulls! mausoleum, Mr. [sic] Canadian clearly has the freedom to be non-responsive. My question for readers is: should actual non-silent posters do the same?

If so, then perhaps the next time Mr. Romney says the president has a habit of apologizing for Three Bulls!, there should be a post stating, more or less:

“Mitt Romney is just a theory. All hail IceWedge.” (IcePorkins getting no love per usual.)

That approach is what one reader was getting at in a recent message found in a bottle washed up on the Three Bulls! private beach. He/she/it/bird wrote:

“My question is what role battle raps play in inducing the heat death of the universe. The main problem with entropy is that it doesn’t work fast enough, especially when living organisms are around. I continually mourn the amount of order I add to the universe and rely on 3B as a synapse randomizer. If the site’s overarching goal is the dismasting of the ship of reason so that it is helpless before wind and water and soon devoured by lampreys and laser-urchins, oughtn’t its principal posts fire their cannons on all cylinders? In other words, if Matthew Yglesias stubs his toe in a forest and no one is there to hear, does he still sound like an emu? And shouldn’t the result be sampled?”

This message was typical, perhaps even archetypical, of “mail” from some readers who, fed up with the distortions and evasions that are common in public life, look to Three Bulls for variety in distortion and evasion. They worry that 3B might one day show something, that, without requiring the assumption that the phonemes mean something when strung together in one of chief languages of the planet I______ IV, could be called judgment.

Is that the prevailing view? And if so, do we care? We can point to actual sentences in the universe like, “Is it possible to be objective and fair when the reporter is choosing to correct one fact over another?” What more could you want?

Throughout the 2012 presidential campaign debates, 3B has employed a special invisible sidebar where we ignore them entirely. Do you like this feature, or would you rather our ignorance be incorporated into our regular posts?

Please feel free to leave a comment below or send an e-mail to public@nytimes.com with the subject line: Must Credit Three Bulls! Beware of comment moderation policy.

PS The collective noun for ombudsganisms is: an ombudsgasm of ombudsganisms. No one who has met one has lived long enough to devise a collective noun for laser-urchins.

Battle Rap Demo Test

Just checking. This appeared to leak last week to a secret server. It is just a mixtape demo. Thanks to producer Mendacious D for copping beats, fish for some couplets, and Capt. Trollypants for getting Matt Y guesting on the track. We didn’t even get to haircuts. Check the beat while my DJ revolves it, chumpwagons!

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Lyrics below the fold, but I think you should suffer through the scorched earth devastation.

Continue reading ‘Battle Rap Demo Test’

Our New Faith

Geenie C. had an awesome dream. Allow me to paraphrase from her hazy memory, although I believe his fishness will enjoy to the tutmost.

She was at the gym and was about to start a step class or similar and instead of starting the class, the instructors rolled out this display- it sounded like it was like the easel with the large pad of paper a la Win, Lose, or Draw (“Hi Bert, I’m a midwestern zombie who eats brains and loves to play Win, Lose or Draw!” We have dated ourselves here and cast aspersions). Or it might have been a white board or chalk board on wheels. Either way, the instructors said they had something to share with the class and that sharing was a new religion and when they said this they revealed the name of the religion, and I poops you not, the name of the religion was “ScienceTragédie” or something like that- GC said it was all one word and there was an accent somewhere. Anyhow, the details were sketchy but GC pretty much bounced out of there because she was thinking “Wha?” In the next seen GC is looking our our bedroom window with the Goob, and it appears that there is a couple, perhaps mother and daughter in our yard. They happen to be picking all of the flowers in our yard (the beflowered state of the yard is a major clue that reality is being warped). GC goes outside to ask the people to stop picking all of our flowers and they proceed to start in on their religion, ScienceTragédie, a la JW door-to-door style. Then I think she woke up.

I urge our non-me reader to help 3B fill in the blanks about this important new faith by working out in comments exactly how ScienceTragédie could work.

3B Does Not Endorse Stereotyping

But there are some conversations that 3B does not want to listen to evereverevereverever:

1) Two individuals in line in front of us at 7-11 (we are away from The Big Texas Cloverhill Hunnybun)

2) One is taller, one is shorter and very stocky. Quite beefy even.

3) They are discussing, likely quite inaccurately with the clerk, the upcoming Avengers film.

4) The stocky one has his card declined while buying a single item, AXE deodorant.

5) The tall one has long hair.

6) ComiCon starts on Thursday.

7) None of this was made-up.

WHERE ARE 3B THIS WEEK????

CoMEKON would be a different story, wouldn’t it ZOMBIE?

CONTE……………………st

What, did you think I would type content? I didn’t want to BLOW your MINDS.

One of our entries into the header contest.

950 x 200 pixels

You know you want to.

TIP OF THE CAPPER to ZRM, who efforted at >0.5 assyunits.

OTHER BUSINESS

Let us open the self-referential meta-bidding with these unworthy contributions:

*BOOP* HQ
Zombie Rotten McGriddle
Republic of Smoke Dog (and by corollary, Pug Timer)
BLAME FISH™
Blue Skittles in a Technicolour Dream State
Snagtators
Vonbudspants

Any takers?

KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

It is I, KING OF ALL YELP.

I reproduce, here for your pleasure:

Mrs. Fields donation of 3 cookies …
Category: Other

04
20 hours ago Linda L. says:

Thank you Mrs. Fields Cookies for your generous donation of 3 cookies for
our fundraising event for Retinal Research. Your generous donation will
surely make an impact on this foundation’s research.

I understand that our event didn’t “fit” your donation guidelines; but to send
a coupon for three cookies is insulting and insensitive.

61
19 hours ago Amanda “MAGOO” M. says:

Well, can I have the coupon then?

Elite ’10 209158
19 hours ago from Yelp for iPhone Mike S. says:

Dude. Wrong site. I can see how the red might confuse you….

Here here’s a ball to play with.

Elite ’10 284776
18 hours ago Jim “The Traveler” U. says:

You requested a free donation, they made one. You deem the donation not good enough for reasons unspecified and have chosen to inform all of the amateur restaurant reviewers in the greater New York city area about this. Why? And why do you feel Mrs. Fields should be obligated to give you anything? They sounded respectable enough from my standpoint.

Elite ’10 46219
18 hours ago Kate “the present king of france” T. says:

Review Mrs. Fields?

Elite ’10 133127
18 hours ago Scott “suburb dweller” P. says:

Congratulations Jim, youre an asswipe

People talk about almost anything in these threads, is there a requirement Im not aware of? Or maybe she would have preferred no donation rather than cookie coupons, which is an insult really.

Elite ’10 284776
17 hours ago Jim “The Traveler” U. says:

It is now an insult to receive something for free if it less than what you expected? I guess Peter D has been dogging me all this time by allowing me to attend elite events and not pouring Cristal down my throat.

@Scott P

Yes, people talk about anything in these threads. I am talking about why I fail to understand what the big deal is. Try to keep up my little man.

61
17 hours ago Amanda “MAGOO” M. says:

Congratulations Scott, your an asswipe.

Elite ’10 182209
15 hours ago Janeen “The Fem-Bot Edition” B. says:

Congratulations Amanda, you’re an asswipe.

Elite ’10 317461
15 hours ago Jaime “just plays one on yelp” M. says:

Congratulations everybody. You’ve earned 3 Mrs. Fields cookies.

9517
13 hours ago Marjan “sans souci” G. says:

Mrs. Fields is passe at best, the cookies are too greasy and
sweet and are about 800 calories each.
Think of it as lucky that they only gave three cookies.
Who needs them !

Elite ’10 46219
5 hours ago Kate “the present king of france” T. says:

800 calories? Rockin’. I could eat 2.5 each day and be set.

Super secret hat tip to e-mail helper!

An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!

ombuddy seal of approval

Introducing the Ombud… Seal of Approval (OSA)!

Do you, gentle and not so gentle readers, often find yourself approaching new Three Bulls! posts with trepidation verging on fear?

Do you find yourself wondering:

Will there be an Ombud… available if I have any questions, concerns or complaints about this post?

Have the photographs in this post been analyzed by trained professionals for hidden meanings, nuance and most importantly matters related to the state of the union?

Will anything be harmed in anyway by the content of or omissions from this post?

Are the authors of this post sufficiently non partisan?

Does this post contain verified facts and/or science related to politics, life or other contentious issues without presenting the reader with opposing wackadoodle beliefs for balance?

Can the terms “teabag” and “teabagging,” as used in this post, be interpreted in an inappropriate manner?

Does this post contain opinion?

Have the authors considered every side of every coin?

Is this post civil or will it lead to incivility?

Will this post hurt my feelings or the feelings of others?

What’s the number of the complaint line and what happens if it is busy?

Were John McCain and Joe Lieberman briefed on the content of this post?

Will I get hungry part way through this post?

Will I get it?

Continue reading ‘An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!’

In my village a man could become ruptured lifting 15 pesetas of Manchego cheese

The Bulls of Salamanca

We Are Nowhere And It’s Now

WARNING: OMBUDDY CONTENT.

1. all Resident Oms extend warmest bestest wishes to Pinko and GC, as well as thanks for adding their genetic stew to this roiling world of noise and interest. Sue me, I’m not a poet. The Ombudsman Activity Review Board also approves. Huzzah! all around.

1.(A).  Make sure you ask for a Long Form Birth Certificate.  It’s like a receipt, apparently.  Orly Taitz may be able to advise, as well as clean your teeth.

2. From the looks of things, Mendacious D has returned. This, of course, throws the status of the Ombudsmyriad into question. And turmoil. Speaking only for myself (an unusual step for an Om) I have fear that my position will be summarily terminated, and I will be assigned to WND, or worse, Jonah Goldberg. Look at what they did to Pinko Punko, and he’s on the masthead. As strange and frightening as this place is, I confess I feel comfortable here. Look, I wish to make it plain:  if I need to perform “extracurricular services” in order to retain my position, I will.  I can hook you up with half-smokes.

Not to say, of course, that MenD’s renewed contributions won’t be welcome.  3Bulls readership has a LOT of complaints.  High maintenance.  We love our readers, and wish to minimize their psychotic episodes.

3.  It has been reported that there has been discriminatory, near-hate talk in one of the comment threads.  We shall not name names, as we are not about blame-gaming, but suffice to say all participants should keep their hatred for the non-living under wraps while here.

4.  Jennifer rocks, and any confusion about recent art is solely in Blue Girl’s head.  This may seem a bit judgmental, but after review by a panel of Ombuds and a troop of Girls Scouts, it is the only conclusion possible.  It is possible that bribery could change this decision.  However, Jennifer MAY OR MAY NOT be on Notice for the “Ghosts are always White” colorism.

5.  A recent post was titled “UC Must Be Denounced”.  This is a troubling, accusatory header, and 3Bulls normally avoids this kind of drastic language.  It’s hurtful and UC is a standuppish fellow.  But the lack of irony in the face of Night Rangery does, in fact, indicate a severe lapse in judgment, and in suchlike cases, strong header language is warranted.  The fact that this lapse was preceded by the rejection of the Collins does not ameliorate.  One must always be on guard against Rangery incursions.

6.  THIS was worthy of 3Bulls.  Huzzah for Von!  Way to strike against the forces of entropy and choadism.  Golf claps all around.

7.  The previous post title was not misspelled.

8.  RED.