Archive for the 'Hijacked!' Category

Things shorebird was probably not meant to know

It’s like that part of the movie where the shorebird finds an ATV on the beach, but doesn’t know it’s the possessed ATV — the one that used to be owned by a guy who, after his girlfriend dies of bird flu, summons a demon to take revenge on feathered things everywhere, but, when he changes his mind at the last second, doesn’t succeed in banishing the demon, but only confining it in the ATV, which goes on to kill him while he’s carrying all the down pillows out of his house to dispose of them — and so, even though everyone in the audience shouts “Don’t touch the ATV!”, the helpless shorebird has it’s little bird feet frozen to the steering wheel as the ATV careens through the town knocking over fruit carts until it crashes into a guy on a buffalo and catapults the bird into a dumpster full of chocolate skittles.

Or, at least, that’s what it was supposed to be. In the end, it turned out to be more like the guy’s girlfriend was allergic to down pillows and he tried to cure her with crystals, the shorebird was playing with the starter on the ATV while a ferret was asleep on the accelerator, there aren’t any fruit carts out this time of year, no buffalo have been sighted in the area since the end of the gold standard (don’t ask), and the dumpster was actually filled with some kind of biodegradable packing material. Other than a few ruffled feathers and a slightly punch-drunk ferret there was nothing to see.

Well, nothing, that is, which would require unlocking the cabinet of Lovecraftian adjectives in order to describe the dangers awaiting whatever tender sensibilities are still possessed by 3B readers after the past decade. There is, however, a Swedish women’s choir performing an a cappella version of Kate Bush’s “Wuthering Heights” in a video that simultaneously evokes an aerobics class, Esther Williams, and Castle Anthrax.

Get On the Sanders’ Train

HATTIPFISHCLICKHERENOW

I’ve been listening on and off for about an hour and a half. I find it stirring. I look forward to claims of Quixoticism and grandstanding from the lowest of the low.

UPDATE- the sound of internet crickets always prevails while the schoolkids decided which way they think the event played. First, fish needs to sit down. Second:

12.10.10 — 10:57PM // RECOMMEND RECOMMEND (8)
Through a Filibuster Darkly

Our Brian Beutler explains why those fake non-talking filibusters we’ve seen for two years are the real thing and the genuine article Bernie Sanders filibuster today wasn’t the genuine article.

–Josh Marshall

And of course what does Brian Beutler say:

They could read from the phone book, or from the bible, or rant in paranoid fashion about how some day there would be a black president, and he would try to raise taxes on rich people. Whatever.

It looked a lot like what Bernie Sanders is doing today.

Certainly he doesn’t mean that an inspired oration laying out what progressive principles are and what true patriotism means in the face of mindless greed and blind self-interest is the same as those other things he’s claiming Sanders looked like. I think if you asked Brian he might even suggest it was noble theater. What he wouldn’t admit is that the soon to be predictable stream of tsk tsk get realing we’re about to hear emanating from his increasingly oily boss calls for NUTPUNCH. The only hope there could be is Jon Stewart getting behind this, because J. Marshall and D. Kurtz at least take him seriously.

Don’t try me, boys.

An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!

ombuddy seal of approval

Introducing the Ombud… Seal of Approval (OSA)!

Do you, gentle and not so gentle readers, often find yourself approaching new Three Bulls! posts with trepidation verging on fear?

Do you find yourself wondering:

Will there be an Ombud… available if I have any questions, concerns or complaints about this post?

Have the photographs in this post been analyzed by trained professionals for hidden meanings, nuance and most importantly matters related to the state of the union?

Will anything be harmed in anyway by the content of or omissions from this post?

Are the authors of this post sufficiently non partisan?

Does this post contain verified facts and/or science related to politics, life or other contentious issues without presenting the reader with opposing wackadoodle beliefs for balance?

Can the terms “teabag” and “teabagging,” as used in this post, be interpreted in an inappropriate manner?

Does this post contain opinion?

Have the authors considered every side of every coin?

Is this post civil or will it lead to incivility?

Will this post hurt my feelings or the feelings of others?

What’s the number of the complaint line and what happens if it is busy?

Were John McCain and Joe Lieberman briefed on the content of this post?

Will I get hungry part way through this post?

Will I get it?

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We are concerned. Very. Concerned.

Pinko, we are your friends...we can help.

Pinko, we are your friends...we can help.

So, we are done with the Wiener now?

No need to panic, ZRM

teh wiener of our discontent

Teh Wiener of Our Discontent.

Megor Samsa Update (am I even allowed to do this?????)

The Headlines Just Write Themselves

PSA

A wee little request

Dearest Geenie Cola, may we please, just this one special day, have special dispensation for dropping of the f-bomb? Hopefully the dropping will be of the joyous “AMERICA F*** YEAH!” variety and not of the “F***!!!!!” variety. I beseech you Geenie Cola.

Do not adjust your browser

*click* *zzzzZZZZZzzzzzZZZzzzzZZZZZzzz*

CulexNil-mosquito.jpg

Our pirate satellite is beaming directly into this blog in order to stop the further spread of pro-spider propaganda from this location.

(It’s a blood-powered pirate satellite!) (Hey! Shut up! Get away from that microphone, you bloody moron!) (MMMmmm mammals…)

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