Archive for the 'Jim Thome’s ****' Category

JIMJAM

In our last column, ifthethunderdontgetya™³²®© and Gregor both ask where everyone has gone.

As usual, we have no useful answers to this, so instead we turn to the Oracle itself, Jim Thome’s (possibly fake) Twitter account:

DO YOU GUYS WANT TO KNOW THE AWFUL TRUTH ABOUT THE INTERWEBS OR DO YOU WANT TO SEE JIM JAM HIT SOME DINGERS?

I believe the answer is clear. Let us further explore this wisdom. On Salinger:

I NEVER DID UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD PLACE YOUR CATCHER ON SOME BREAD

A no-trade clause, perhaps?

On Fake Ozzie Guillen:

I HOPE YOU AREN’T SERIOUS ABOUT WANTED FISTED CUFFS, @FAKEOZZIE. JIMMERS IS A LOVER NOT A FIG

Fisted Cuffs. We sense an impending fashion trend. And figs

And, a further sign that the Pork Snorkel is slowly seeping into the sports culture:

I WOULD LIKE TO ADMIT TO THE USAGE OF HAM TO HELP ME HIT LOTS OF DINGERS

And immediately following:

YOUR SUPPORT MAKES JIMMERS FEEL BETTER ABOUT HIS USAGE OF CURED MEATS TO GAIN A COMPETITIVE ADVANTAGE

While we do not normally condone posting in all caps, but we feel it is justified in this case. Commenters take note: this is only acceptable in cases of poking fun at sports fans. Example.

If you have any questions, I am certain Mr. Thome will be happy to answer them. DINGERS.

The Polyphonic Squee

A communiqué has been received, to the effect that our dear, dear friends at Pitchfork have noticed via Twitter our annual dismemberment of their end-of-year listings. They are, as you can imagine, less than thrilled.

So un-thrilled, in fact, that the Ombudsmoose has been roused from hibernation to address the matter.

Pinko has suggested that he might, surprisingly, maintain a certain modicum of civility during what promises to be a constructive exchange, but we are bound by no such scruples. It is, we hope, somewhere in the job description.

The crux is this: we have, more or less continuously, critiqued many writers, columnists, and bloggers for blanching at the idea that some of their readers might have tastes and opinions which differ from their own. It has become a holiday tradition in many corners to gripe about this at the outset of Pitchfork’s top 100 lists of all time (OF ALL TIME) or merely of each passing year.

Who are we to be unaware of all internet traditions?

Owing to the apparent urgency of the matter, we have no more to say at this time, and no loops to give you for the production of battle raps. This is where you come in. Need I say more?

Meanwhile, we look forward to the annual vivisection of the Pitchfork Top 100, and rest assured we will not be fazed, swayed, or otherwise discouraged by this development. Rather, I suspect, the opposite.

We also note, somewhat relatedly, that they are conducting their end-of-year survey, a potential source of much shenanigans.

In the meantime, Pitchfork will continue to EAT IT.

OTHER BUSINESS: This, from our esteemed colleague plover, deserves some kind of major award for service above and beyond the call of blogging. Truly, a classic for the ages.

Also, the excellent Ombudsentity Heritage Week from our many-headed co-blogger, which we hope has shed light on the strange ecosystems our ilk must inhabit.

All questions, suggestions, and beauteous battle-raps (or filks of any nature) may be entered below.

Posted Without Judgment

Top This

Quote:

By Nick

March 28, 2008 6:18 PM | Link to this

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! I’M COMMENTING ONLINE!

So some AJC chump writes an inane column, Fire Joe Morgan toasts it rightfully, then about 300 people descend upon he comment thread and fill it with unironic and ironic racism, a gigantic dollop of ageism, and just smackery all around. The above comment I think takes the gun cake.

Saturday Fantasy Baseball Wrapup

If your name is not Pinko Punko, Halford, Seitz, or Brando, you might just want to skip out right here. It gets gory ….

The league: Mixed 16 team head-to-head draft format, 5X5. We have $200 FA dollars and bid for draft position. I had the #8 pick overall, after bidding $33 for draft position. Very competitive league and lots of reserve spots.

By Round:

Chase Utley – the consensus #8 pick. Surprisingly, Jose Reyes slipped to #7. I wanted Ortiz, but he went #5
Derrek Lee – I wanted a basher to complement my middle infielder. It was him or Morneau, and I just hope he runs this year
Andruw Jones – Surprised he fell to me. The guy I wanted, Garret Atkins, went one pick before me
Jonathan Papelbon – I went along with the closer run to pick a guy I really see as the #2 closer out there.
Continue reading ‘Saturday Fantasy Baseball Wrapup’

Eat it Homophobes!!!

So this is what it has all come to in our Ann Bartowian world: where up is down, heroes become villains, the oppressed become the oppressors, and our internet buddies become racists.

Punkrocket adds:

Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth MalhotraRuth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra Ruth Malhotra

The time has come for you to grow a brain, and failing that, take a class in Jesus, civil rights, cookie Jesus, cookie civil rights. I am not allowed to claim you are on drugs, so I’ll claim that you are pig ignorant. Like Gregor says, Three Bulls! declares a fatwa against bullshit “intolerance” lawsuits. This lawsuit is the other side of the “Rapists for Sensitivity” coin. Seriously. TLR8 1NTLRNC3! I <3 Ruth Malhotra! and your punk ass orthodox co-plaintiff. I’m sending AG over to degrade him with a 3 foot diameter hole in the marital sheet.

Double Update

We can only hope that General JC Christian doesn’t take up the cause against us. WOOPS. The general usually posts e-mails if you want to politely give Ms. Cobag a piece of your non-harassing mind.

Ruth Malhotra- headshot (6.14.05) copy.jpg

Test: Almond Joy Degrades My Nuts

Phony GOP Iraq Withdrawal Bill

My advice to the Democrats: 1) enter into the floor debate and offer amendments that support Muthra’s true intent – immediately beginning withdrawal (not immediate withdrawal); 2) when the amendments fail abstain from voting; 3) accuse the Republic party of playing politics with our troops lives; and 4) run against the Republic party stooges by saying they voted against withdrawing our troops from Iraq.

UPDATE: Woops! Ha! Ha! I thought this was Daily Kos for a second. Nevermind!Almond Joy.jpgBoobie.jpg

UPDATE 2: Edited to add picture of Almond Joy and Boobie! Hey what’s that logo in the background of the Almond Joy picture? WTH?!?! OSM is EVERYWHERE!!!!

EXTREMELY RARE UPDATE 3: Edited to add picture of Jim Thome. Wowsers!

Jim Thome.jpg