Archive for the 'Kitty Kattwood' Category

Dog’s Out of the Bage

Padraig Escapes to Éire
Martin Doyle, Padraig Escapes to Éire, From the Mystery Art Bage


“DidImentionthat GFoH is away on a secret mission? A mission of ;liberation as opposed tothe mission of libation that I’m on now? A mission that I suspect Kitty Kattwood knows all but is too =canny to reveal!!1!Can Ijust droptahintthat AcertainLIttleGuymay be joinginginging ussoon?! ‘nough said! You cannotstop us!~!!!!!!1!!!!!!”

– Gregor Samsa
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Kitty Kattwood’s Konspiracy Korner

Image hosted by Flickr.

Circa November 8th, 2000

Joe Lieberman: “Hah, this means I only have to wait four years to be President!!”

September 11, 2001

World: Crap!
Karl Rove: (Kaching!!!)
Dick Cheney: (Fantastic! Why didn’t I think of that?!)
George Bush: “And then the pet goat said…..”
Aide: *psst whisper* “…twin towers… attack…”
George Bush: *tinkle*

Circa Late Winter/Early Spring 2003/2004

Joe Lieberman: “Let’s see joecelleration, joetapult, joetropy, joeggernaut …nah…EUREKA!…JOEMENTUM!”

A couple of months later ….
Continue reading ‘Kitty Kattwood’s Konspiracy Korner’

We Were So Young and I Was So Naive

Snout Pic

You remain a mystery to me my little rascally friend. Do you remember the day that we first met five years ago in the pound, and how it was love at first sight but I made a great show of looking at the other pups, all the while hoping and praying no one would ask about you before I did. So young we were, your belly still pink in the way of pups, the pads of your paws smelling like freshly baked fritos, those little puppy teeth so white so sharp, and the last vestiges of your belly button (!) who knew that dogs had them too?

And our first ‘test walk’ in the neighborhood around the pound:

A cat in the distance – ‘Greetings friend! I come in peace!’

On the leash – ‘Not a tug, not a pull, a perfect parabola of patience that’s my ideal’

Cheetos along the path – ‘My, my that’s an unsightly disgrace I can’t believe that other dogs would deign to eat such refuse.’

Pooping etiquette – ‘A discrete location chosen for privacy and ease of pick up. That’s my philosophy!’

Hunger – “Another treat? Oh my, no! One is certainly enough for me!’


How times have changed! The poetry of constant hunger. The full-throttle rocket dog launched at my groin as a means of welcome. The purposeful pooping for maximum embarrassment and degradation. Sniffing up girl’s skirts while they’re at the ATM. The constant cat criticisms. The sled dogging and shoulder dislocations. Sigh. Why do I love you even more Mr. Personality Plus?! Happy anniversary lil guy!!


All photos hosted by Flickr!!!!1 Fromagerie and Boucherie photos by the international cat of mystery Chatois Chatboise.

More Paris Book Reviews

Perhaps it is?!

Could it be? (Image hosted by Flickr)

The Secret Agent by Joseph Conrad

I read this book last summer/fall on Pinko Punko’s recommendation as one of his favorites. It was also on the shelf of the Paris apartment where I’m staying. So I gave it another read.

The book is one of the prototypes of the secret spy/detective genre, to which the George Smileys and the Kitty Kattwoods owe so much. The plot is somewhat mundane and pretty obvious once you’ve made it part way through the book. The expected twists and turns so prevalent in modern books of the genre are absent but the story is nevertheless compelling.

Where the book shines really is in character development. The narrator’s insights into the characters are pretty profound, and the narrator’s sly wit and social commentary are spot on. All of which makes the characters’ rationalization of their actions and agendas believable. While the narrator does make judgments, often in hilarious ways, this is not a book of good versus evil or black versus white. It’s this brave grayness that makes me admire Conrad and the book all the more.

I found the language in the book a bit dense and formal. Stick with it and you’ll be rewarded. Recommended!!!!!

On the Road by Jack Kerouac

Another book found in the collection of the apartment owner. I don’t know how many times that I’ve read this book, probably at least six.

You know this book. You’ve read this book. You’ve experienced the shimmering language and the amphetamine pace. You wanted to be Sal or Dean. You wanted to experience the nascent insanity of Burroughs and Ginsberg before they really went off the deep end.

And then you knew the book again, later, older and perhaps with the bitter realization that you would never live it. It’s not possible: shedding the ties that bind yet nurture; letting yourself be absolutely free; and opening your mind in an unjaded way to the mundane and ordinary as well as the sublime and rare.

Then you know the book yet again. And it stops becoming a model or a standard for your life. Its mirrors and lenses no longer hold complete sway. You live your life, and have walked, and will continue to walk in beauty and ugliness. You understand that the wonderful memories of travel, fun and life were oftentimes sowed in fields of drudgery. And you understand that the fear that preserves us also prevents us. And finding the right balance the between the two is one of the mysteries of life.


20,000 Leagues below Decency

Togetha Foeva!!1!

(Image hosted by Flickr)

Kitty Kattwood and PupH, constant companions and close chums, explore the depths so that you don’t have to. Their unique friendship, dog and cat, cat and dog, unnatural but also the pure essence of vitality and beauty.

What will they find below the surface my friends? What mystery lurks? What secrets have you hidden? There is no hidey hole too dark, too deep or too murky for them. Driven by curiosity and sated only by secrets. They will know my friends. They will know.

Blub blub blub oO00

Kitty Kattwood’s Story Hour Makes Its Triumphant Return!

Spring, beautiful spring, even the mean streets seem nicer, redolent with citrus blossoms and sweet acacia. The warm weather means the curtains, so long drawn, are finally open and Kitty Kattwood, our determined friend, can finally see what has so long been hidden.

Oh the curiosity, it may have killed the lesser cat but not our Kitty Kattwood, she lives for danger and thrives on mystery. And be warned dear friends she knows what happens behind closed doors, including yours. The secrets you keep are safe but truly no longer secrets.

And what of this beautiful girl and the bear? What is the bear’s intent and why is the girl so pretty? Are they lovers or merely companions? Does the bear reach in for a kiss or a snack? The lipstick, so red, in hand, as she prepares for a date or her ultimate fate? And the snow white fur and the white dress a perfect union or is it?

Why Kitty Kattwood knows, she knows of course, but she’s not telling….shhhhhh!

(Image Hosting Courtesy of Flickr)

Painting from the Mystery Art Bag, Snowstorm by S. Tang

Kitty Kattwood on the Prowl

Kitty Kattwood prowls the streets looking for adventure and fun just for you my dear friends and look what she found for us! Yes Three Bulls! culture and insiderism is on the march from major arterials of dusty desert towns to the internet. From Kayenta to Kabul we are everywhere and we are nowhere! That is the mystery of Three Bulls!, an enigma wrapped in a delicious Italian deli roll. Oh so good but why?!


She also managed to snap this photo (click to make bigger) of a message taped to the back of the sign. I’ve got to hand it to her for a three-legged cat detective she climbs like a monkey to get these closeups just for you. Worth every cent of her retainer that Kitty Kattwood.

Light Pole People.jpg

The Mean Streets

Three Bulls! love for the three-legged dog is well-documented. Fun-loving high-spirited and emotionally manipulative they brighten even the most somber day.

But the three-legged cat is a rare beast – only two have been known to me. The first was a sad pitiable critter that demanded constant attention to the point where it had to be carried from the sofa to the litter box to the food bowl to the sofa. The only task its owners didn’t perform was the licking of the three lonely little paws. So sad and oh so fawned upon.

The second, Kitty Kattwood, is a spunky little girl (all cats are girls to me) that loves the streets and lives for danger. In various states of delirium I imagine the adventures and missions of Kitty Kattwood as a private eye or an international spy. These dreams, like many of my thoughts, are only funny to me. So if you see me out, chuckling to myself, and ask me why, and I start to explain, and you just don’t get it, and I look ashamed and stunned like the bunny in the headlights, just walk away, and leave me to dreams of Kitty Kattwood Riding Her Banana bike on the mean streets looking for trouble but finding only love. (by E. Atwood from the Mystery Art Bage)

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