Archive for the 'Pitchfork' Category

PITCHFORK COBAGGERY WATCH 2011-UNEXPECTED!!!!!!!

Published by Pinko Punko on December 9, 2012 in Do we have a Phil Collins category yet?, Pinko of Pork Records, Pitchfork and TMQ Finger Scrolling Practice. 22 Comments

PCW 2011

I need to be honest, this feature is less fun for probably two reasons, one UC doesn’t make me laugh nonstop anymore, though I know he would if he could, but also that the music this last year seemed just so boring. The inexplicable and the terrible have been replaced by the sadly predictable. Minimally, if we are gonna stay in this game, we should at least bring back this feature- where the mean record store clerk gives an internal monologue for your purchases. The best part is we could all hammer our favorite albums

The 2011 Track List at Pitchfork

Previously:

2010

We previously sprung the rest of the Top Tracks of 2010 as placed on a Ritz cracker by Pitchfork back in surprisingly April. The list was here, but maybe it is so old it might 404?????

2010 Numbers 20-1

2009

Pitchfork listo here. Our previous 100-81 here. 80-61 here. 60-41 here. 40-21 here. Somebody should graph our output over the year. Diminishing returns? I think not. UC delivers! Suck it, All Music Guide!

2009 Numbers 20-1

2008

It is done.

Previous here and in links.

2008 Numbers 20-1

2007

Here, here, here, here, here.

2006

Here, here, here, here.

2011 JUST IN TIME FOR 2012! And here. we. go.

100. Thundercat “For Love (I Come Your Friend)”
PP says: The intro on this is very free-form Spinal Tap jazz odyssey. Now I am wondering if this is a Destroyer-level joke/awesome ironic/serious take on something, but now I feel like it is cool kid irony reversal, make something so uncool that you can reverse direction on a dime and declare it cool when nobody is looking, guaranteeing that you will lead the charge. My feelings on this: jazz fusion is either great forever, or mostly never, but it is one or the other, and if you can’t explain it without using the context “no, this is cool now because it isn’t cool” then it is probably just a noodly wank. Novelty mixtape trashbin material, but inoffensive.

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Oh Ian Cohen-This is a Bridge Too Far

Published by Pinko Punko on August 31, 2012 in Battle Rap, Pinko of Pork Records and Pitchfork. 18 Comments

PITCHFORK writes the Andrew W.K. apologia. WE JUST DIDN’T GET YOU ANDREW W.K.!!!! Compare to Ry Schry’s original take:

And yet, some of these ‘punk’ and ‘indie’ kids are still willing to back WK up with a number of ridiculous excuses that they deep-down know are inherently flawed. “It’s catchy” is no kind of argument. Every pop song you’ve ever truly hated is catchy. “It’s ironic” is wack, too, since there’s exactly zero irony to be had on any of I Get Wet or in WK’s motivational interviews. “It’s fun” is about the only legitimate excuse a guy could come up with– and that’s the one thing I’ll give it to warrant the .6 in the rating– but this world of music which history has graced us with is loaded with fun music. Even fun music with substance, fun music that doesn’t talk to you like you’re some kinda total dipshit that wouldn’t know Boredoms from buzzworthy. And you don’t even have to look that hard! So then, what is the excuse for a typically elitist music nerd to bow to Andrew WK’s blistering tard-rock? That’s right, folks: there isn’t one.

SHORTER SHREIBER: “YOU, READING THIS, YOU AREN’T AN IDIOT, ARE YOU? I MEAN I CLEARLY DON’T THINK YOU ARE, AND SINCE YOU AREN’T, YOU CLEARLY DON’T LIKE ANDREW W.K., DO YOU? I KNEW YOU DIDN’T. THANK GOD WE GOT PREVIEW COPIES OF THE LATEST BOREDOMS 7 INCH FROM THE FUTURE. IN FACT I HAVE BUILT A TIME MACHINE TO ENSURE THAT IT IS NEVER RELEASED AND YOU SHALL NEVER HEAR OF IT. I WILL DESCRIBE IT TO YOU IN WAYS THAT YOU SHALL NOT UNDERSTAND, BUT SURELY YOU WILL RECOGNIZE HOW MUCH IT MAKES YOU A DIPSHIT.”
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PITCHFORK *CHECK PLEASE*

Published by Pinko Punko on August 23, 2012 in Pinko of Pork Records, Pitchfork and Question Mark and The Mysterians. 11 Comments

Relevant

UC chastised me for participating in Le Pitchfork’s People’s List, where everyone got to vote for their favorite albums from Pitchfork’s existence. They said they’d take all the data and present it in super cool ways. Instead, they show some top 20 lists parsed by some geography and a few questions (most listened to genre). For the whole shebang they give the top 200 albums on a nice looking page and a graph where they break the thing down by albums from year with a table or so about some of the data. They just seemed like they failed. Where they succeeded is I assume some information harvesting app because they required voting through social media sites. Who knows. UC and I kind of had a group vote- we traded suggestions back and forth with arcane rules for vetoes etc.,

Suggestions for what would have been actually cool:

1) Top 1000 or even 2000 albums- nothing in the top 200 is surprising so much, but it would be interesting to know what albums were in the next pockets of interest (since there were tons of albums voted for) and a great way to remember some albums that have maybe fallen off.

2) Top write-in albums (bunch of well known albums were not in their database) UPDATE- OOPS- they did have this one. This was a little bit sad because these should have been in the database- I would have liked to see how many of the top 200 were suggested in their pages for the top rated albums- perhaps a little selection bias maybe

TOP-VOTED WRITE-IN ALBUMS
PAVEMENT BRIGHTEN THE CORNERS
REFUSED THE SHAPE OF PUNK TO COME
LAURYN HILL THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL
BRAND NEW THE DEVIL AND GOD ARE RAGING INSIDE ME
PULP THIS IS HARDCORE
QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE RATED R
DEFTONES WHITE PONY
JAY-Z REASONABLE DOUBT
BEASTIE BOYS HELLO NASTY
PAVEMENT TERROR TWILIGHT
THE WHITE STRIPES DE STIJL
BLUR BLUR
DELTRON 3030 DELTRON 3030
OUTKAST ATLIENS
DR. DRE 2001
SLEATER-KINNEY DIG ME OUT
MUSE ORIGIN OF SYMMETRY
THE VERVE URBAN HYMNS
MUSE ABSOLUTION
JIMMY EAT WORLD CLARITY

3) Distribution of rankings for albums in the top 20 at least (kind of like how IMDB lets you look at distribution of scores for movies- and then gives some demographic breakdowns).

4) A selection of some people’s number 1s that didn’t make the top 200 and their comments. People’s comments were a nice feature. I presume they harvested a ton of comments from people on albums they love, yet they only used 10 of them. It is nice to see regular people write about stuff without trying too hard (™ Grayson Currin writing about metal, Ian Cohen writing about re-releases, maybe anyone at Pitchfork?).

5) They had one small list of albums that scored OK but had no number 1 votes. That was interesting. They could have had more breakdowns along these lines.

6) Maybe geography by state instead of two entries for NYC (holla Brooklyn!)

Definitely Nobody Expects Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2010 Tracks 20-1

Published by Pinko Punko on December 5, 2011 in Pinko of Pork Records, Pitchfork and Pony Express. 33 Comments

We previously sprung the rest of the Top Tracks of 2010 as placed on a Ritz cracker by Pitchfork back in surprisingly April. The list was here, but maybe it is so old it might 404????? Just kidding, I finished the top 10 tonight. I had to get myself in shape for 2011′s list, soon to be released. UC, are you joining us?

And off we go!!!!!!!!

20. Erykah Badu “Window Seat”
Pinko Punko says:Sounds like a Erykah Badu singing over a vaguely Massive Attack “Protection”-like beat with some Quiet Storm like touches. OK but so unmemorable I forgot to do this list until November or read anything about why this song is supposedly exceptional.

UC adds:
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A sad day

Published by Mendacious D, Ombirdspersonmoose on August 25, 2011 in Ombudspersonpantsmoose and Pitchfork. 16 Comments

among aficionados of Dick Cheney jokes (of which, Kathleen reminds us, Yosef remains champion): the contents of his “man-sized safe” have been revealed to contain, in part, a letter of resignation should he become incapacitated due to health reasons.

It makes no mention of in which jar to store his brain, but I am sure our loyal readers will have some suggestions.

OTHER BUSINESS: Since Pinko insists on mentioning Pitchfork outside of the traditional season for doing so, I will therefore inflict upon you their thoughts on the 15th anniversary of their founding. A snippet:

So many– but certainly not all– of the site’s earliest reviews are heavy on the shit-talking and light on the discussion of the music at hand.

“And so are the rest of our reviews, only with more vocabulary,” they did not add.

Any other business?

Three Bulls!

Published by Pinko Punko on August 22, 2011 in *BOOP*, Pinko of Pork Records and Pitchfork. 26 Comments

Welcomes Tom Breihan to Stereogum. We only ask that he attempt to top his atrocious current event reviewism at Pitchfork. Behold the master, on the new Jigga/Yeezy platter:

In the past week, Internet sleuths have pointed out that the release of many Jay-Z albums have coincided with some national or international calamity, 9/11 not excluded. Watch the Throne is no exception: its release on the same day as yet another catastrophic stock market downturn has led some critics to conclude that the pair’s boasts of obscene wealth is out of step with the times. That’s a fair case to make.

Pugsley does not try to poop so hard if he ate a gallon of cashews. How about this:

In the past week, Internet sleuths have pointed out that the release of many Jay-Z albums have coincided with some national or international calamity, 9/11 not excluded. Watch the Throne is no exception: its release on the same day as yet Robbie Keane’s signing with the LA Galaxy has led some other MLS’ team fans to conclude that the pair’s boasts of obscene wealth is out of step with the times. That’s a fair case to make.

or

In the past week, Internet sleuths have pointed out that the release of many Jay-Z albums have coincided with some national or international calamity, 9/11 not excluded. Watch the Throne is no exception: its release on the same day as yet another Carl’s Jr. mixup of a turkey burger in place of a teriyaki burger has led some eaters to conclude that the pair’s boasts of obscene wealth is out of step with the times. That’s a fair case to make.

or

In the past week, Internet sleuths have pointed out that the release of many Jay-Z albums have coincided with some national or international calamity, 9/11 not excluded. Watch the Throne is no exception: its release on the same day as yet another internet music related site hires Tom Breihan has led some blogs to conclude that the pair’s boasts of obscene wealth is out of step with the times. That’s a fair case to make.

We kid!

Nobody Expects Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 2010 Tracks 100-21

Published by Pinko Punko on April 26, 2011 in Cobaggery, Musicano, Pinko of Pork Records and Pitchfork. 45 Comments

Sit in the comfy chair. You will need it.

Special editorializing by UC. Very provocative, but less humor than usual.
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Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch Approachening

Published by Pinko Punko on December 5, 2010 in 'baggery, *BOOP* and Pitchfork. 15 Comments

Odds and sods on slings and arrows slung and arrowed during the holiday snausage making:

The Geenie Cola, applied today by Geenie Cola, RE: “I Am the Walrus”-

“This is their worst period. They were all “I’m cool, it’s cool, we’re cool so we can do whatever crap and people will still think it’s cool”

1:1 for UC using it regarding some squeezed out prose-loaf of the Fork staff.

10:1 for inevitable Pitchfork backlash of previously loved band

The Topical:


“Just as the flow of secret documents emanates over the internet-aether from the increasingly arrogant and misunderstood Wikileak’s Julian Assange…”

Incalculable (certain) for Philip Sherburne (of whom we are now fond even though we do not favor infinitely icy minimalist housescapes)

The Meh:


“Remember that time when Papa Smurf was into the blow and Brainy Smurf was……[five paragraphs later]….this track is like Garga-meh-l”

The longer it is the better the odds are for Pinko Punko, the more deliciously skewery, UC

The Stereogum Commenter Generically Ironic:

“I both agree/disagree with this [no specific signifier] list and would like to imply any effort or attention to thinking or discussing this topic is to be mocked. Effort and attention to register for Stereogum and type this comment obviously not included.”

Odds equal to the rising and setting of the sun, and the internet existing.

Also consider:

The Defensive:

“Why do those *ssholes say I do/say stuff that I didn’t do/say? Their terrible writing about our bad writing is so sarcasm tag ironic close sarcasm tag yeah I get it, I’ve been crafting a cutting tweet all year with which to acknowledge that what they say/do is predictable though I admit 2006 was funny in an already played out way, also this iPhone Thai food app is awesome.”

Pinko Punko:

“I would kill for your Thai food app.”

The Goob:


“She bounced her knees. I guess that’s another “like.” Wait, see if she’ll do it when you bang on a pot with a wooden spoon. Yeah, she did.”

The ZRM:


I’ll only listen to/read this if there is the possiblity of Mekons or Pepsi Smash and rum, preferably both.

Kathleen:

It’s kind of a haze on whose plan it was to do a different drink per entry. I shall blame C. Next year I will read one novel for each song, and have them read and reviewed before UC gets to #77.

Nate Patrin:

Those guys are DICKS.

Fantastic

Published by Pinko Punko on July 24, 2010 in Cobags and Pitchfork. 11 Comments

I don’t mean to pick on “Pitchfork’s” Philip Sherburne, but sometimes his reviews are collossally wankapottamus. I simply have to laugh at the sick joke his eMusic bio is:

Electronic

San Francisco critic Philip Sherburne has been heavily involved in the electronic-music world for the past seven years, writing for publications including the Village Voice, Slate, XLR8R, URB, Wax Poetics, Grooves, Nylon, RES, Neumu.net and many others — including The Wire, where his “Critical Beats” column offers a monthly roundup of experimental dance music. Philip has also written on sound art and avant-garde practice for Frieze and Parkett, curated the companion CD for Leonardo Music Journal’s 2003 issue, and given talks at SFMOMA, PS1, Tate Modern and the MUTEK festival. A book chapter on classical minimalism and minimal techno is forthcoming in Christoph Cox and Daniel Warner’s Audio Culture: Readings in Modern Music (Continuum Press). As a DJ, Philip holds regular nights in San Francisco, and has performed in New York, Austin, Portland, Seattle, Montreal and Barcelona.

Any particular website missing?

I don’t think you get to drop the turds you do in the ‘fork while simultaneously distancing yourself from their brand, Sherburne. You are their brand. Don’t write for them if you don’t want to admit it. I don’t pile on the ‘fork for their obnoxious scenesterism, nor the fact that it is of course the cool thing to do for scenesters to act hipper-than-thou than the-hipper-than-thous (like Pitchfork’s very own writers), because once somebody talks about the cool thing on the broader internet, it instantly becomes passé. I crap on them because of their tremendous disdain for their audience. Never wanting to appear to pitch it to the masses, they pitch it to the masses while keeping the masses at arms length with novelty seeking and a complete lack of self-awareness.

I can’t wait to meet 90 year old Nate Patrin- “yeah, I wrote one or two reviews for some site, I can’t remember what it was called. It wasn’t even blow money.”

UPDATE: Phil S. writes in comments that this bio is an artifact, hence the neumu ref and no Pitchfork. Up with the Fork! PS does not diss.

Happy Birthday to Pinko Punko from Pitchfork

Published by The Uncanny Canadian on July 20, 2010 in Birfday, Pitchfork and Science Thursday. 30 Comments

Dear Mr. Punko,

Despite the years of abuse we at Pitchfork have suffered at the hands of yourself and Monsieur Canadian, we still retain a fondness for your blog and the good work done over the years.  It takes a truly half-assed blog to make us look like we know what we’re doing.  Also, thanks for the traffic.  As a token of our appreciation and in celebration of your birthday, we at the P-fork team have been conducting our own research projects to give back to the greater bullsian community.  Attached please find our most recent manuscript, published in our flagship Pitchfork Press journal, Cobag Cell, which we think you will find tremendously interesting.  Although we still hate you very much, we want you to know how much better we are than you.

Sincerely yours,

The staff at Pitchfork

Pitchfork