Archive for the 'Pork Snorkel' Category

An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!

ombuddy seal of approval

Introducing the Ombud… Seal of Approval (OSA)!

Do you, gentle and not so gentle readers, often find yourself approaching new Three Bulls! posts with trepidation verging on fear?

Do you find yourself wondering:

Will there be an Ombud… available if I have any questions, concerns or complaints about this post?

Have the photographs in this post been analyzed by trained professionals for hidden meanings, nuance and most importantly matters related to the state of the union?

Will anything be harmed in anyway by the content of or omissions from this post?

Are the authors of this post sufficiently non partisan?

Does this post contain verified facts and/or science related to politics, life or other contentious issues without presenting the reader with opposing wackadoodle beliefs for balance?

Can the terms “teabag” and “teabagging,” as used in this post, be interpreted in an inappropriate manner?

Does this post contain opinion?

Have the authors considered every side of every coin?

Is this post civil or will it lead to incivility?

Will this post hurt my feelings or the feelings of others?

What’s the number of the complaint line and what happens if it is busy?

Were John McCain and Joe Lieberman briefed on the content of this post?

Will I get hungry part way through this post?

Will I get it?

Continue reading ‘An Exciting New Feature of Three Bulls!’

A new era of bipartisanship

To begin, we present a brief excerpt from the proceedings of the Annual General Meeting of the Itty Bitty Kitty Kattwood Committee:

The Chair recognizes the ungulate in the grey fedora.

Thank you, Madam Ottoman. I would like to take a point of personal privilege to address a minor issue of disagreement amongst the delegates that has been brewing for some time. As we all know, a recent fracas, or rumpus, erupted amongst the membership regarding the tolerance, or lack thereof, of blue M&Ms. While this is in direct violation of the articles of the Wonka Charter, we do not wish for the situation to get out of hand.

Therefore, we have taken it upon ourselves to broker a potential solution to this conflict. I give you: personalized M&Ms. You may now consume each other in effigy and in whatever colour you wish. Thank you for your time.

Moving on, we find that our declared enemy, the Canadian Curling Association, is defaming the sport with its usual talent. Witness the following photograph attached to a press release on the Canadian Junior Curling Championship being held in sunny Salmon Arm, British Columbia: Continue reading ‘A new era of bipartisanship’

Biblical origins of the pork snorkel

Numbers 10:18-20

Now the LORD will give you meat, and you will eat it. 19 You will not eat it for just one day, or two days, or five, ten or twenty days, 20 but for a whole month—until it comes out of your nostrils…

Some scholars dispute, however, whether this can truly be called Biblical justification for the pork snorkel.

Continue reading ‘Biblical origins of the pork snorkel’

When is Moar Too Much, Or is it by Definition, Not Enough

Swoof puzzles a riddle for the stomachs, and assuredly, the colons of the mighty. Lest they be smited, educate yourselfs at Delicious or Disgusting about a powerful new force on the colon smiting scene. A veritable beef bolus. Thanks to the Swoofwagon for passing along comments in e-mail.

Three Bulls! Mixtape Diss Tape

Volume one of Ultradork records presents the ultimate Three Bulls Mixtape Diss Tape. 0.95 ass.

Shoutouts include:

Kathleen, Marc Hogan, Ace of Spades, Chuckles, Pop Ren, Sadly, No!, K. Lo, Lucianne Goldberg, and a bunch of others. Oh yeah, this one is dedicated to the week one sales of Liberal Fascism.

Track One is for Jonah G!

Loud and proud, people!!!!!!!!

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.


It’s BoM Day!

Buh Ay Kuh Uhn Uh Teh Muh Un Th
! (It is the Apple Dapple this month-eroni)

BLTs tomorrowpants, plus the selected recipe the next day. Delish and Disgust next week. Heart attack the week after.

Snipers are posted to bar the approach of the Snagwagon.

I wish this blog would post itself and I had a comment generating robot servant that would flit about the i-tubes so I could soak in my bacon bath.

I know it is very stereotypical and blasé to be all “pork pork pork pork pork.” I recognize and reject the appropriate stereotype. I’m really civilized and sophisticated underneath the bacon fetish.

Also, listen to Song of the Day, peeps, it really is great.

A maze of twisty little tubes

You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully to the south.

There is a blog here.

> get blog

I don’t think that’s a good idea.

> get blog

Are you sure? I know what happens. You should leave well enough alone.

> get blog

Continue reading ‘A maze of twisty little tubes’

I did not lie

when I did what I said. Here is the conundrum: since I am now addicted to fancy pantsy BLTs, what is going to keep me from immediately making one on arrival of the next shipment of porkmail? One simply cannot plan a recipe around bacon of unknown taste, one must taste first. Yet the nanosecond the first piece is burning a hole in my tongue straight from the frying pan, I’m toasting the challah bread and getting the tomatoe ready. How can I stop myself? In general, and in relation to BLTs specifically. It is a conundrum. I feel this porkmail is extortion.

What Could I Possibly Want

from a Bacon-of-the-Month club membership? Such a plentiful periodic porcine platter offends my sensibilities. Every fiber of my being rejects such a ridiculous, banal trope of…



Lvtcus: oh hai! I is Lvtcus! u can has not pork snorkel!

Pinko: Eat it!

Various scallopz and oysters: r we has worry 2?

Pinko: Oh look, a recipe for bacon wrapped scallopz!

Various scallopz: Oh noes!

Various oysters: No whammies!

This month is an artisan maple cured/smoked bacon. Suggestions how I should consume it are welcome. Suggestions that I should shove it in my piehole are redundant.

Associated Press Macaroons

The photoshops on the monster pig photos were so bad (like I kinda said)- no monster pig. Total choads sell t-shirts to chumps. Dealio here. Thanks, Gregor for making us look good (relative to our usual badness) but really bad (relative to some hypothetical goodness). I heard Hillary Clinton was behind the pig hoax. Maybe the WaPo can get John Solomon on it, or maybe Jeff Gerth. Or even The Editors.