Archive for the 'Rush' Category

Further a-hemming

First and foremost we must thank our estimable and differently-vitalized colleague for an exquisite fridge-noting, beautiful in execution and envious in scope. We would happily cede Overlordship of the Ombuds collective to Mr. Rotten if we were not too lazy to abdicate.

Second, we feel it necessary to praise plover’s resurrection of the notorious Icewedge (and many variations thereof). Background, for those of you who insist on feigning interest, can be found here.

Third and most importantly, we are quite happy that Von and other worthies have been unspammed thanks to Forces Beyond Our Control. The new WordPress posting layout is only slightly more terrible than the last, but this is a minor price to pay. Those who disagree will be banned. Again.

Fourth, to answer ZRM when he asked:

Whoah.

This blog is still here?

No.

Any other business?

I blame fish

There have been multiple complaints regarding this blog and the propensity for extensive arguments. The Ombuds collective acknowledges that arguments must be avoided at all costs as they have a tendency to make David Broder uncomfortable. It has also been noted that these arguments are taking place without the proper safety training as required by Article E, Section M, Subheading U. So before we continue, it is required that you all view this argument training video:

Fish stole the video. Let us proceed then. A rigorous statistical analysis of the argument phenomenon that is occurring in the greater 3Bulls(!) blogosphere revealed only one  common causative modality with a P Value reaching significance (p=0.0): fish. Yes, it appears fish is a major root cause of argumentation. I am afraid that an intervention is required.

There is a problem however. How does one actually intervene with a chronic arguer? The first step is to recognize the signs of the arguing addict to be sure the diagnosis is correct:

1) Does the individual head into the bathroom carrying a copy of Debaters Weekly and mumbling something about becoming a “Master”?

2) Do you have to put parental controls on the TV to block The McLaughlin Group?

3) Must you never say the words “designated hitter” out loud in his or her presence?

4) Have you heard enough about salt already?

Given criteria such as those above, it is clear to the Ombuds that fish has a serious problem and runs the risk of making David Broder cry if he does not get the help that he needs.

This Ombud has a few recommended actions:

1) pick up apparatus; use apparatus, play video of Kennedy/Nixon debate while playing Rush at full volume.

2) mark fish’s IP as spam and then initiate an argument between Mandos and Plover on the post-modern theory as applied to the inherent sexism of Linux use in the movie Avatar.

3) Read Matt Yglesias’ justification for the Iraq War out loud and apply strong electroshock every time he audibly snorts.

4) Cancel his subscriptions to Z Magazine and the Utne Reader. Force him to subscribe to and read TNR, Slate, and The Nation. Refuse to discuss or consider any points of view other than David Corn’s.

5) Any time he brings up Chomsky, say that “Jonah Goldberg really has a more interesting take on this topic”.

6) Agree with everything he says. (this may be an unworkable solution)

I am sure with aggressive treatment, we can get fish to allow someone else to speak once in a while. If he continues on his current path, he is in danger of using up all the letters on the internets. Let’s get him re-socialized and ready to become a productive member of society again. Won’t you help fish instead of cursing him?

(64)

An asymptote that will live in infamy

For aif, as the sea of chunder leaves its wrack of muffins ‘pon his threshhold.

Simply stated, the libertarian denies the existence of “society” and “the public.” If this sounds outlandish, consider the following observations by three prominent libertarians. First, Margaret Thatcher: “There is no such thing as society – there are individuals and there are families.” Next Ayn Rand: “There is no such entity as ‘the public,’ since the public is merely a number of individuals.” Finally, Frank Chodorov: “Society is a collective concept and nothing else; it is a convenience for designating a number of people.”

The implications of these pronouncements are radical in the extreme, for if there is no such thing as “a public,” it follows that there are no “public goods” or “public interest,” apart from summation of private goods and interests. Moreover, if there is no society, it follows that there are no “social problems,” there is no “social injustice,” and there are no “victims of society.” The poor presumably choose their condition; poverty is the result of “laziness” or, as the religious right would put it, a “sin.” There are further implications. Since there is no such thing as a “public,” taxation for the support of such “so-called” public institutions as education, libraries, the arts, parks and recreation, is coercive seizure of private property, or “theft.”

[…]

Refutation of this keystone of libertarianism is simple and straightforward. If we can cite cases in which advantages to each individual harms the interest of all individuals, and conversely that harm to each individual benefits all individuals, then, by distinguishing “each” and “all” we have demonstrated the existence of an “all-entity,” “society,” that is distinct from a summation of “each” individual.

Venus Townshend Trap

About 10 years ago in San Diego, walking down the street in Hillcrest, which at the time was still a skosh on the seedy side, I saw this street person, maybe in his middle 30s, skinny, dirty and bearded, black tee shirt and Levi’s, with a boom box on his shoulder just blasting Won’t Get Fooled Again. As he crossed the street with big bounding strides like a R. Crumb character, gesticulating madly, and singing loudly, the song reached the ‘Then I’ll get on my knees and pray…We don’t get fooled again‘ lines and he did just that in the middle of the busy street, looked up at the sky with the perfectly soulful amalgamation of anger and happiness that was for that moment rock and roll.

Songs have meaning, intended and otherwise, and if in those moments the song and you cease to exist separately and become one and you feel it, I mean truly feel it like that guy did and if that existential experience reaffirms or strengthens your belief in race baiting, environmental destruction, starting pointless wars, domestic spying, cutting taxes for the wealthy, union bashing, discriminating against homosexuals or whatever conservative ‘principles’ are now days then by all means claim it as your own personal conservative anthem.

Oh you’ll whine that you were talking about songs reflecting conservative first principles such as justice, honesty, fiscal responsibility, security, prosperity, personal freedom, family, god and country. Well let me tell you little a**wipes something you don’t own those concepts, in fact these are the very first principles you drop when your hatred, greed and lust for power get in the way, only trotted out for cynical political purposes. So just STFU you STAGMC imbeciles!!

Dedicated to Blue Girl, Lance, Adorable Girlfriend, Pinko Punko, Brando, AIF and everbody else that posted/commented on this topic long before I did.

Since you Kids Love Words and Puns and Such

You remember way back in the 19th century when we’d play that game in the parlor, which involved thinking up clever names for groups of animals? Examples – a school of fish, a pod of whales, a crash of rhinos and a gaggle of geese.

Well it’s been a long time since we’ve played that game so to start I offer the following:

A constipation of cobags.
A clutch of cobags.

A sighing of emus.
An ennui of emus.

A churning of chundermuffins.

An aggravation of Gregors

My how droll! Quite!! Quite!! Now it’s your turn…..

Author’s Aside: S,N! is being overrun by a laughingstock of libertarians. The invisible hand is strong there and just as silly as ever.

Conservative Humor

Last week, a group of Arizona high school students did what any sensible American would do after finding “immigration protesters” had raised a Mexican flag on the flagpole at their school. They lowered it. And then they burned it.

In honor of these patriots, I declare the week of April 3-9 to be BURN A MEXICAN FLAG WEEK.. It’s the least you can do for your country. Besides, if it could speak, thef flag would beg you to put it out of its misery. One day, you’re just an innocent piece of fabric. The next thing you know, someone snatches yoiu, paints red and green streaks across your body, and suddenly yoiu’re being forced to represent a smelly thrid world backwater whose only barrier to another financial crisis is a fleet of expatriate dishwashers. It’s a freaking mercy killing. Set it light and set it free.