Archive for the 'Smalltime Beef' Category

Friday poop shoot

So this is what poop shoot has come down to for me, as of Dec. 29, 2011.  Our little guy is doing nicely and the transition to parenthood has been everything it was advertised and much much more.  Does this mean that 3Bulls! is one step closer to becoming one of those blogs™?  It remains to be seen, but it certainly is starting to smell that way a little.


Bad Bad Bad

The Goob is in a picky phase. Does not try new things, except any flavor chip on the planet. [HEART]

GC just gave her some Pop Rocks. And she popped them right in.

They are coming to take her away from us as we speak, I surmise.

Then GC gave some to Skokedog and Pugsley. WHAT IN THE WORLD. Maybe CFS will crash into ASPCA during their race to our humble home.

I’d Listen to Him Narrate a Scale Model of the Phone Book

An historical interlude of content like substance, prior to the content.

Putting a price on the priceless is an affront.

From the distaff gift shop.

Our Hero

Our Hero

Does the Governor know about this propaganda?

I’m in ur base! Much love, the Goobs.


Goobie and I have been working on the Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch 1)For us to poop on. Therefore I will provide this:

Even Goobies need to maximize product placement revenue. We’ve sold out for tater tots and orange cream slushes.

But also some parent web-logging for those unaware at how sinister and dangerous the world can be for Goobies. Just as Goobies represent all that is good, there is a dark side that represents eyeless, swallowing, mindless evil. We must be vigilant against such forces. To wit, documented just now in Goobie’s inner sanctum!


Sink Lettuce! 2)is coming from inside the room!!!!

References   [ + ]

1. For us to poop on
2. is coming from inside the room!!!!

The Ballad of Goob

Any apologies Smalltime Beef may eventually feel are necessary for this post are hereby offered.

Also, apologies to Smoke Dog and Pugsley for failing to shoehorn them in anywhere.

My other idea for a title was “A Goob in the Life”, but it occurred to me that was possible to interpret as implying a crash at the end. An obscure but iron-willed taste-arbiter in my head won’t let me use “Magical Mystery Goob”.

As is probably obvious, “Ob/Gyn” is intended to be pronounced as two syllables here.

Our production values, even such as they are, have, as usual, required us to sell out, so this post is being brought to you by Mooseflot Airways®.

— — —

The Ballad of Goob

I am me
As they are me
Now twenty-three
x2 are all together
Shot toward the sun
A honey Texas bun
None tell me why — I’m flying

Staring at the Ob/Gyn — waiting for the hand to come (waah!)
Squirmy like a worm yard
Squawking like an emu
Lopping off umbili-
cal, you know it takes so long

I was an egg — now
I’m not an egg, no
(Number) one with a mullet!

Want some bacon, lovely bacon, pretty little rashers in a row
See how they fry
Like ozone in the sky
Smell how they grill — I’m sighing

Makin’ with the snork’ling — shower dry rub onto passers-by
Baby back and spare ribs, tenderloin and banh mi
Pepperoni– wait, what? you say no solid food?

I was an egg — now
I’m not an egg, no
Could eat a walrus!

Pooping on the clean new carpets, nappy’s come undone
Spit-up on your shirt, squishy foodstuffs
Flying, ooh my kind of fun

I was an egg — now
I’m not an egg — you
Won’t sleep til August!

Leafy lurking cabbage creeping
From the sink hear lettuce laugh and coo (hohoho, heeheehee, who’s a cute-ums?)
Sink veggies too much
Flee from their clutch
Check out my ride — I’m driving

Speeding down the freeway — underneath the radar eye
TUSTOSAN n’ Salt Lake, Harvard Square n’ Austin
Route sixty-sixin’ on a turbo-powered curling stone

I’m not an egg — won’t
break like an egg, got
Fontanelle force-field!

[chanted in background]
Smalltime schmaltime, it’s a beef for our time

[chanted in background]
Moose pot, moose tot, flying out on Mooseflot

— — —

If these lyrics are to be believed, his/her/its/bird’s first word will most likely be “bacon”, though I wouldn’t want to rule out the possibility of “meh”.

All wishes for a happy, healthy Goob!

Why Did the Nurse Smack My Hand When I Wanted to Write “Smalltime Beef” on the Birth Cert?

Answer: because I haven’t done it yet! That is what we have a pool for everyone to be in for. I just dangled TWO prepositions.

I’m so happy to be hear showering with everyone!

After or during the shower, we’ll all be in the pool together. Watersports are popular here.

Important information RE: pool:

Due date for Goobie: Dec. 18th


I wonder if the above jogs any breastfeeding video memories for Kathleen? I might post about this video later in the week, but I thought I would a) inadvertently give filthbot the entire field and b) set the state for a future post where we discuss the inability for cobags to turn off filthbot at over-the-line times, and how they constantly degrade myself and GC in class.

I’m going to pre-empt Baby Comparison Trolls hand-wringingly worrying that Baby B’s, whose deplorable mother ambled Baby B in unborn form through both the TUSTOSAN and THE PISHIN’ MISSION (MY GOD), cuteness will have adverse effects on the self-esteem of The Goobie. In predicting their existence I extinguish their probability of existence, something UC and I should have done last year during Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch with the snarky “Starsailor” namedrop, thus precluding the shooting of Ian Cohen’s sad wad in a review of an Elbow reissue. If this sentence appears to sandbag regarding the ultimate cuteness of The Goobie while also indicating an uptake in Pitchfork Cobaggery Watch-like activity, that text is to be constructed by the reader.

DJ-less Robot Shuffle Radio captured my zeitgeist RE: impending


this morning by unexpectedly and happily playing this yesterday morning, which not having seen the video for, I hadn’t noticed until today how very Gary (Numan) her vocals are. The moment did last because hidden robot DJ Blue Girled me on the follow up.

I note for our fellow showerers that when this blog community strives for exceptional content, it can be met with saddening lack of commentary. I urge everyone to consider the possibility of possible 3B! Tote Bags during our comment drive for Ombudsman Heritage Week continuing as we speak, or perhaps some of us are spelling at this point, as we want to be inclusive.

I love you all, and so does GC. Perhaps she will share her Celebrity Dream Cameo featuring YOU in comments?

Lather up, everyone!