Archive for the 'Three Bulls! Classic' Category

Three Bulls! Mixtape Diss Tape

Volume one of Ultradork records presents the ultimate Three Bulls Mixtape Diss Tape. 0.95 ass.

Shoutouts include:

Kathleen, Marc Hogan, Ace of Spades, Chuckles, Pop Ren, Sadly, No!, K. Lo, Lucianne Goldberg, and a bunch of others. Oh yeah, this one is dedicated to the week one sales of Liberal Fascism.

Track One is for Jonah G!

Loud and proud, people!!!!!!!!

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World’s Greatest Editorial Decisions, Vol. 1

Not making this list, of course, is the Editor who greenlit this. In the spirit of the holidays, however, we think even atheists and those of every creed may appreciate this little known Christmas miracle.

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Click for bigger version.

[Nobody tell me that someone already came up with this 5 times on McSweeney’s]

World Premiere

The Theme Song that rocked the bake off and America’s hearts. I only wish I could watch this movie with Brando. Besides Smokey Dog looking so handsome, James Woods looks so young. It was a different era in Holiday Bake Off mastery.

Arrested Development Gag Challenge!

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This thread is solely for your fave Arrested Development gag. You have only one line per post to describe the gag. This is not an “in crowd” thing if you haven’t seen it, it’s just going to whet your appetite to actually see it. We will save this thread for posterity. I urge lurkers to post. We are shooting for 150 comments here. Spread the word. I will start us off. Jedmunds dissects the latest ep here, although I think he and I will laugh harder the second time through.

UPDATE- 69 cobagarolleroos!

DOUBLE UPDATE- keep going kidz!

TRIPLE UPDATE- not as lame as last week, but not funny so much either. Still a marginal improvement. List your comment number, halocrap doesn’t like to keep tabs after awhile, as soon as it goes to archive, the number goes wah wah.

Quadruple Update!!!111!!!- It’s getting hilarious again!!! Start putting your comments on, remember to give comment number cuz Haloscan doesn’t remember. I hate Rita but I love moles!

Oh, don’t think you’re still not so grounded. I expected apologies to ponies, Little Smokey, MomH, The Editors, and essentially all sundry and assorted life forms, and it’s not looking good. Judge Judy is going to get sloppy on y’all.

Even more update for yous losers.

We raise our glasses to this wonderful show.  We say to FOX “Eat it douchey cobags. 1!!1!1!!@23”

Pop Ren still hasn’t seen the show.  He’s like a lamb chop having huggable fossil.  I LOVE THAT DUDE.  BUT not as much as Arrested Development.  Keep it going here kids, let’s go for the record.

SEPTUPLE UPDATE

Pop Ren better have just posted a super meta joke from tonight’s four episodes in this sacred thread, cuz if not, I’m smearing carnitas all over his house and pulling some Noriega duty and blasting in his case some non-stop Tori until he capitulates. Cobag.

Handy! Clip and Save!

Now making insulting of your sworn enemy even easier it’s the handy 3BInsultobox2006! Simply select a word from Column A, combine it with Column B, type, and enjoy! It’s that easy!!

A

B

1

chump

wad

2

douche

muffin

3

chunder

nugget

4

co

wagon

5

collaca

bag

For that elegant variation, which is oh so important in the hipster circles, we are including the randomnizeromatic feature…at…no…additional…cost!

Using the random numbers generated below, select a word from the row corresponding to the first number from Column A followed by a word selected from the row corresponding to the second number from Column B. Follow the random numbers in sequence until you run out (refills extra).

235131!21231235443245243!1124354345314234513525423512314354311132543454432
1542132553412413425445314512451451425243514534214341241242435321234232!135

Kitty Kattwood on the Prowl

Kitty Kattwood prowls the streets looking for adventure and fun just for you my dear friends and look what she found for us! Yes Three Bulls! culture and insiderism is on the march from major arterials of dusty desert towns to the internet. From Kayenta to Kabul we are everywhere and we are nowhere! That is the mystery of Three Bulls!, an enigma wrapped in a delicious Italian deli roll. Oh so good but why?!

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She also managed to snap this photo (click to make bigger) of a message taped to the back of the sign. I’ve got to hand it to her for a three-legged cat detective she climbs like a monkey to get these closeups just for you. Worth every cent of her retainer that Kitty Kattwood.

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On the History of Three Bulls!


In response to an AMAZING joke at LGF:

Oh Jeezus. That one did not just make the brain cell joke. I didn’t just read that.

I LOVE THE BRAIN CELL JOKE. GET THAT KID ON CARSON. PRONTO.

funny story. I’m sitting around with the original three bulls! myself, the nutter and the randroid. so we go to Wendy’s and the nutter is kind of a cheap bastard, and the randroid who also happens to be a rich rich bastard (a rich, libertarian randian, shocker!) and the nutter had ordered, what arguably was the smallest kiddie order of fries I have ever seen. seriously, it was like two fries. great value, dude. you saved 17 cents. anyway, the randroid just wouldn’t let it go (he’s a joke repeater BTW, no such thing as original material, and won’t let any sublimity lie, has got to ruin any good joke by killing it). and he keeps asking the nutter “so could there possibly be a smaller size fry than that. seriously, nutter, could there physically be a smaller size. I don’t think that’s possible. and the nutter finally just loses it and says “jon (the randroid), there IS a smaller size, it’s called Jon’s penis size.”

and that joke has only once been equaled in the history of comedy or even language, and it happened tonight, on LGF, and I bow my head in reverence.

Posted by: Pinko Punko | September 24, 2005 09:42 AM

Three Bulls! Bonus Fatwa

The term “useful idiot.” Listen up, pathetic wannabe Machievellian chunderclumps, this term has been declared played out. Move along, internet lemmings. Only in your black and white decrepit world do you have to find a way to heap insults on someone you actually agree with, but normally don’t.

I AM CONSERVO DOUCHE 3000. I CANNOT COMPREHEND AGREEING WITH YOU *BEEP* THEREFORE IF I DO, I WILL DETERMINE THAT YOU ARE MERELY AN IDIOT WHOSE SPITTLE-FLECKED COUNTENANCE I CAN ABIDE RARELY, AS IF YOU WERE AKIN TO THE METAPHORICAL BROKEN CLOCK> *BOOP* RIGHT TWICE A DAY. YOU ARE INTELLECTUALLY MY PLAYTHING. I LIKE TO CUDDLE WITH YOU AND NUZZLE YOUR PATHETIC POINTY HEAD. THAT IS ALL FROM YOUR MECHANICAL OVERLORD. ANY RESPONSE IS AD HOMINEM.

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THIS RAZOR BLADE SUPPOSITORY IS FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, USELESS IDIOT BUTTERS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Dear Internet Full of Cobags


I am declaring the internet and all its cobag denizens personae non gratae. The time to eat it cobags is nigh.

Nothing in the following post is a non sequitur. I blame you for the inability to follow my line of thought (hey, it’s the blogosphere, we don’t have rules, people like this are considered intellectual. And Pamela (Atlas Shrugs), I don’t care what you look like on the outside, you’re not very nice on the inside. But the inside inside you are probably OK, it’s just a facade of hateful shrillness. We don’t want to make you feel bad (seriously, we don’t).

I have had it with:

Complete imbeciles that deny the holocaust.

Total poltroons that know less than nothing about science, evolution, disease, AIDS, climate, you know, anything, and they pontificate and use terms that they read on the internet, and their sociopathic little brains learn to ape or rat, as it were, like vermin in a cheese (should it be cheeto?)-maze.

Stupid, incompetent crap like “ad hominem” and talking about people’s reading comprehension. Cookie Jesus, do you think my reading comprehension is lacking? Do you? Do you think that I am the munchwagon and not you? Consider for one second how laughable that is. You are the same people that talk about “beneath contempt” out of one side of your crooked, slavering mouth, while pouring the aforementioned contempt out of the other. I actually admit that you are not beneath contempt. I actually claim that you deserve scorn. I actually announce to you that I am being emotional right now, and my frustration is getting the better of me. I am allowing you, the douchewad, to claim that I am unhinged because of the abuse torrent flowing from my keyboard. I AM JUST BEING HONEST. So, I get points for style.

I can’t even go on (oh, but I can). Nobody wants to even consider a rational debate, because you can’t be rational about completely ridiculous bullshit, in fact how can you be rational, when the debate shouldn’t even exist? When I say that Todd Zywicki at Volokh Conspiracy (if you want to have a crappy blog name, you can’t beat Three Bulls!, but Volokh Cospiracy? STFU) is a cobag full of corn and peanuts, I’ll just get slammed for slamming him. I’ll ruin my rep as an Ivy League Ph.D. in Genetics, because he’ll just wash away my accurate description of his loserhood, with the magic of ad hominem and then he’ll unwrap his chestnut of Lysenkoism. See, he redefined what that word actually means (let’s go to Crooked Timber for comments/backstory, and here is LGM on the subject). Also, from a bunch of stool samples that are “skeptical” about evolution, they sure do love evolutionary psychology.

Could it be that it allows you to use biology for your own purposes? Who is the biological ideologue? I can’t even call you a Lysenkoist like you would me (nice surreptitious smear of the academic as Stalinist, too bad the new thing is Liberalism=Fascism, see here, here), because that is not what it means. LYSENKOISM means a subscriber to the pseudo-scientific ideas of Trofim Lysenko. Wikipedia allows for a definition to include ideological views of science and uses the example of Carl Sagan comparing creationists to Lysenkoists. I would like to stress the use of the GDMF word “compare”. I would reject allowing this broader definition to be used to call ideologues Lysenkoists, because then the word loses it’s meaning. See, Todd, we already have a word for that, it’s called IDEOLOGUE. Fine, argue that women aren’t as smart as men or can’t do math. Your ideas are entirely unsupported. Yeah it could be possible, but big f***ing deal, lot’s of things are possible, but completely unsupported by the data, that’s why Larry Summers was completely and deservedly piled on. Nobody was stifling his speech, they were deriding its unscientific basis. I could propose a hypothesis for how millions of things happen in your tiny cells and your tiny brain, in fact things that you’ve probably never heard of, but guess the eff what? That doesn’t make them true, and if they are completely unsupported speculation, they don’t have place in a discussion of how those millions of things happen (millions of things that you will never understand). Just like Summers’ comments really had no supportable place in a discussion about women in math and physics. If they are impossible to address given a laundry list of larger variables, please tell me what your stupid point is in defending his comments, given that he is the President of Harvard (should be more diplomatic) and uneducated on the subject upon which he was literally shitting?

Seriously, pseudo-legal, ad hoc, tu quoque, and the whole list of Latin terms for pseudo-intellectual chundermuff and “just so” cobaggery about any ol’ topic, with just enough reasonableness so they can stick the shiv in when you relax and turn your back. If you hate gays (Eugene V.) just effing say it, don’t be STAGMC about it making us some stupid, inane argument.

I have completely had it. COMPLETELY.

Dean Esmay? I support your right to your stupid opinion. That’s what makes me a liberal. You don’t support my right for my correct opinion. That makes you a cobag.

I can’t wait to be disavowed for my lack of politesse. I’m done.

Test: Almond Joy Degrades My Nuts

Phony GOP Iraq Withdrawal Bill

My advice to the Democrats: 1) enter into the floor debate and offer amendments that support Muthra’s true intent – immediately beginning withdrawal (not immediate withdrawal); 2) when the amendments fail abstain from voting; 3) accuse the Republic party of playing politics with our troops lives; and 4) run against the Republic party stooges by saying they voted against withdrawing our troops from Iraq.

UPDATE: Woops! Ha! Ha! I thought this was Daily Kos for a second. Nevermind!Almond Joy.jpgBoobie.jpg

UPDATE 2: Edited to add picture of Almond Joy and Boobie! Hey what’s that logo in the background of the Almond Joy picture? WTH?!?! OSM is EVERYWHERE!!!!

EXTREMELY RARE UPDATE 3: Edited to add picture of Jim Thome. Wowsers!

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