Archive for the 'Trollwagon' Category

Why do technocratic contrarian life trolls live under bridges?

Answer: They don’t, suckers. Enjoy the aggregate slight increase in probability you won’t be ground into horse meat replacement due to the floating of a hypothetical boat- I just thought about this for one second- luckily I don’t get paid by the second, but maybe I should? MONEYBOX OUT, ZITCHES

For your musical displeasure:

Repost of our previous. (Lyrics at the link-o)

Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Demo

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Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Single Remix (courtesy of Mendacious D, original post here)

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The only think we fear now that the internet is disgusted with Our Matt is a backlash backlash. More mascara for the original lashes, here’s hoping they go for miles.

Why do we saw the same old with regard to Our Matt? Why do repeat ourselves?

I can’t get into the greatest nutpunches the world has received from this marginally successful yet hugely unlikeable pratfall on actual ideas and discourse. But Mattsplaining is STAGMC. Behold this recent and glistening work product. It doesn’t even make sense.

Charles and David Koch are reporting considering buying the Tribune Company (owners of the L.A. Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Baltimore Sun, and others) prompting a great Garance Franke-Ruta piece on why big city newspapers’ editorial staffs invariably lean left.

That said, I don’t see this as reason for skepticism about the merits of the Koch venture. It’s actually why it makes sense. The “liberal media” is, as Franke-Ruta argues, largely a product of the free market. Certain niches—talk radio and cable television—are very friendly to a conservative editorial product but others are not. Which is exactly why what conservative media needs is a couple of extremely rich people to buy a newspaper company and lose a ton of money building a great conservative media product.

After all, the big problem with right-leaning media in America isn’t that it doesn’t exist. It’s that it’s terrible. There is a large audience out there that’s so frustrated with the vile MSM that it’s happy to lap up cheaply produced content from Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, and you can make lots of money serving that kind of thing up. By contrast, to build a great media company that’s top-to-bottom staffed with conservatives is going to be very expensive. The possible talent pool of great reporters is tilted toward liberals. The talent pool of great photographers and graphic designers is probably even more tilted toward liberals. Finding the great conservatives out there and hiring them is going to be relatively costly, and there’s no real economic point to doing so. Is your much worse cost structure going to get you a larger audience than Rush? No, it won’t. It’s a bad bet.
But the Kochs have plenty of money. If they want to see it happen, they can make it happen. And America would be better off for it.

Shorter Matthew Yglesias

Shorter Matthew Yglesias:

Conservatives think people should be punished for making the wrong choices. Since the current economic climate makes such punishment operationally* true, let’s make lemonade.

Matt suggests that these punishments are meted out for things like picking the wrong major, [maybe also glue sniffing???]. No evidence that these punishments are a universal feature of the economy, though term “vast majority” is bandied.

Bonus made up shorter:

Since the economy demands petroleum engineers, the right choice would be to become a petroleum engineer. The wrong choice would be to not accept a world in which you couldn’t be happy. My choices involved attending the most prestigious schools in the country and have the means and opportunities to do so, yet my success is defined by my hard work and valuable skills. Have I mentioned that my career is blogger, invite me to your panel. We’ll always have the Olive Garden.

Mirror universe Yglesias- TWO count ’em TWO neckbeards, plus goatee:

Credit where credit is due file, the trains do run on time


Standard of living in Ethiopia/Eritrea certainly would benefit from being brought to an Italian standard of living. It would be wise for progressives to concede this point to Mussolini.


Fixing the Internets

Brando hath tasted that which he hath wrought, and it be a bitter pill.

Troll of the Day

Top this, internet!

California universities masively consume budget while producing little graduated value. They are money laundering schemes and social engineering fiascos. Intelligence does exist, it can be measured, it does make a difference. 40 years of coddling the Officially Sad by crushing the able and productive have caught up with California and the US as a whole. They paid an exhorbitantly terrible price to purchase a defective future, and now that future has arrived to specification. Why are they complaining?

09 Jun, 2009Posted by: “Uncle Al” Schwartz

Found here.

more fish business

There are fish that reside in barrels.

There are other fish that provide temptation to shorebirds to shoot the fish in the barrels.

Apparently, this is just business as usual among fish.

Continue reading ‘more fish business’


The true face of the Chuck Todd-Blue Girl Axis of Evil.



For Some Reason

I’m not shocked that one of the trolls has a 1 million pound house. Is it Major Shortssniffer, or FM Asshat? Perhaps Admiral Tubesock.


I find the rabble have tainted my life. When I sing about the Baby J and I sing the words “holy infant so tender and mild” I think about Snag….


Yikes(wagon McGoo)

So it appears that the troll thread has spilled into my Inbox. Primarily, I’ve been getting trolled by the Nutter. I will spare you the personal private, deeply offensive ones. You would go instantly insane if were to read even the tiniest fraction of them.

Instead I give you this work of art. I simply dare you to top this. Seriously, Scrutator can eff its forgotten self, because this isn’t real fake parody, this is the real real stuff.

I can’t wait for the Giants to release Plaxico Burress and for the Cowboys to sign him. Carrying a gun? Oh my gosh! Why, who would do that? Certainly not the judges who are going to pass judgment on him. I’m sure they are unlike every judge I’ve ever known who owned a gun. Like any Cowboy fan is going to care.

Concern/Troll Olympics

Everything is on the table here. I knew it would happen organically due to the exclusive nature of Trader Joes Marcona almonds with Rosemary and Sea Salt, but I think we should have a contest. Troll or Concern Troll comments on these classes of generic blog post:

A) This non-uniformly distributed thing/resource is awesome! [Spectrum= private yacht with helicopter sub > iPhone > Chick-Fil-A > Trader Joes Marcona Almonds with Rosemary and Sea Salt > Fresh air > Shelter > Loving parents etc.]

B) Criticism of other person/blogger [Spectrum= god, non-existence of god, patriarchy, John Aravosis, Matthew Yglesias, Republic of Dogs, Uncanny Canadian]

C) A joke about something possibly “serious” or even serious.

D) A discussion of ism being relative to one’s point of view.

I thought of this last night, but KWB set the table this morning.

Bonus points for “this is no laughing matter, but” and “Perhaps you are not aware, but”

This does not mean that all such comments are invalid or trolly, I’m just saying do your best to find the concerniest comment you can for any generic situation.