Archive for the 'Wherz mah bukkit?' Category

The St. Pauli Exclusion Principle

We apologize, as usual, for the paucity of posts. The holidays have not been kind to either our creativity or various internal organs. Fortunately, our varied colleagues and commenters have taken up the mantle of ombudspersonality in our stead, entirely unbidden.

We approve of this, on the grounds that it saves us the trouble of doing anything other than browsing for the latest and greatest comments on this blog, and then repackaging them into our occasional column.

However, now that the haze and hangover have abated slightly, we would like to note these displays from our respected colleagues must be applauded. It is wholly appropriate that others have gotten into the (neutral) spirit of the season, given the important developments here at 3B!

A related imploral: you will, I hope, forgive the Management for not as yet completing the usual Pitchfork evisceration in a timely manner. Pinko and Geenie have their hands full, one could say, dealing with effluent other than the P’Fork list itself.

You may now flay the official resident Ombirdspersonpantsmoose in comments for dereliction of duty and gin consumption beyond the realm of mortal sanity. We should also note there may have been a grapefruit wedge involved, but our carefully studied laziness and indifference will not permit full disclosure.

Any and all complaints against other members of staff shall be treated as unfounded slander, and dealt with by New York Law Firm through the usual channels.

We suspect, however, that they might have their hands full at the moment.







Update: Seems I wasn’t the first person afflicted with this particular form of derangement. More lolbeckett.

I can has elddrich?

O hai,

I gots u sum sannity but I eated it

Now ur paralell linez are meetting


What Could I Possibly Want

from a Bacon-of-the-Month club membership? Such a plentiful periodic porcine platter offends my sensibilities. Every fiber of my being rejects such a ridiculous, banal trope of…



Lvtcus: oh hai! I is Lvtcus! u can has not pork snorkel!

Pinko: Eat it!

Various scallopz and oysters: r we has worry 2?

Pinko: Oh look, a recipe for bacon wrapped scallopz!

Various scallopz: Oh noes!

Various oysters: No whammies!

This month is an artisan maple cured/smoked bacon. Suggestions how I should consume it are welcome. Suggestions that I should shove it in my piehole are redundant.

The Spirit of Bipartisanship

Recently, we reached out to blogs4brownback to decry the treatment of Sam B. by the munchwads at RedState. Now, we reach out to noted wingnut scumloaf Jon Swift to help him communicate Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism in the kids LOLCAT lingo. Please, help in comments there. Ourselves, we’ve seen the galleys and here’s a sneakie peekie:

The dust jacket:


More at Jon Swift’s-please be nice, we are guests!

I can has Friday Poop Shoot?


1. One Fantastic Day – RockFour – I can has any more possible Brian Wilson syrup? Waits, that’s t8sty1!2. 8/10

2. Ribcage – Elbow – Oh hai! I wantz to be like Coldplay. Not so good tho. Suxx0rs for us. 7/10

3. Y Gwyneb lau – Super Furry Animals – LOL! I has no idea whats they saying. Wel$h l0zrrs. 8/10

4. Cripple Crow – Devendra Banhart – I can has singz with wrble n snd f0lky. Let peace come? Sxx0rz!! 8.5/10

5. P.O.V. Waltz – Harry Nilsson – Oh noes. Ix not B33tles? 9/10

6. Along the Banks of Rivers – Tortoise – Wherz the w0rdz? I can has teh p0st rock. 8.5/10

7. Bryte Side – The Pernice Brothers – B3st t1tle evr. B0rng sng. 7/10

8. Natural Light – Tall Hands – I can has some f4me? Im yr new fvrite band? Awsim. 9/10

9. Losing Haringey – The Clientele – Im in yr Sng ov teh Dei bl0ing yr mnd. 10/10

10. Count Me in On This One! – Richard Buckner – Itz not Contree muzAk? Well whak me n a bukkit? 8/10


We’re already first class on a hellbound train, we got a little something to round out LOL week at the 3B.

I don’t mean to offend. Bless my heart.


We then saw a linky in the a Pandagon threads for some more.

Teh Booxxor of Joob


[O hai! Gregr Samza wonderd if going to has lolcat bibel tranzlation n this iz what happend. Kthxbye.]

Gh0d: Joob is da bomb!

5atan: Is not.

Gh0d: Is so.

5atan: Is not.

Gh0d: Uh huh. Jes watch.


5atan: I’m in ur base killin ur d00dz.

Joob: Oh n0es!!! Mah kidz n camlz!! O mah achin shizzle!! Whaddup Gh0d??!?!?

M3snjer: O hai, ur bukkit was eated bi an erthqwake!

Joob: Not mah bukkit too!!1!!! Oh n0es!!!

Joob: O wel, Gh0d sez no can has cheezbrrger. But I missedes mah bukkit.

Bild00d: LOL sux 2 B yu.

Anyhoo: O rly? Gh0d can’t has suxxorz.

Gh0d: O hai, I can has wurlitzer. Hav yu seen mah othtritches n Booheemuth?

Joob: O yu needs mah bukkit 4 teh Booheemuth. I can sooo repentin.


Joob: OMG!! I can has cheezbrrger n kidz n camlz agen!!!

Joob: N mah bukkit!!!1!!

Joob: W00T!!!!!!!!one!!!!!! ^^;

UPDATE I: From Brando, in comments, and it seems LOLCAT is getting more l33t, or maybe txty, and certainly more filthy!:

Day-vid: im on mai roof, watchin u scrub urself. U r hot.

Bath5eeba: creepy. i haz husband. he iz hittite.

Day-vid: wut iz hittite?

Bath5eeba: not shur. but he iz 1.

Day-vid: w/e. he haz 2 fite 2day.

Bath5eeba: oh noes!

Day-vid: sry.

Day-vid: J0ab, send Yooraiuh 2 teh front. put him in teh base, but let teh d00ds kill him.

J0ab: wtf?

Day-vid: r u teh king of Izrail?

J0ab: noes

Day-vid: then stfu and send Yooraiuh 2 teh front, bitch!

J0ab: ok, l8terz.

J0ab: Yooraiuh haz no more lifes. he iz ded.

Day-vid: kewl. its good 2 be teh king. get me Bath5eeba. we r going 2 do it.

Gh0d: Day-vid! u iz wikedz.

Day-vid: wikedz good?

Gh0d: wikedz bad! im in ur hous, killin ur kid.

Day-vid: oh noes! not mai kid! iz not hiz falt.

Gh0D: talk 2 teh hand of Gh0D, cuz teh hed iznt listens.

Day-vid: wut if i haz no cheezburger 4 week? will u spair my boi?

Gh0D: maybe. hahahaha j/k. ur boi iz ded. pwnned!!!1

Day-vid: im nashin mai teef. but u iz teh lord, so i can do nuffin. sux 2 be me.

Gh0d: ok, im dun wif u. u can haz sex wif B and haz nother boi. he will be real smartz.

Day-vid: ty. can i haz cheezburger and kingdom of ammon, 2?

Gh0D: sur. l8ter.

UPDATE AGAINS! U can has commandmints!



(I suspect Gregor Samsa is now doomed to wander around saying “O HAI” and giggling for several more days.)

For a linguist’s take on lolcatz in ur pooter porgramz, see Linguistic Mystic.