Archive for the 'Yglesi-yesyoush*tcan' Category

Why do technocratic contrarian life trolls live under bridges?

Answer: They don’t, suckers. Enjoy the aggregate slight increase in probability you won’t be ground into horse meat replacement due to the floating of a hypothetical boat- I just thought about this for one second- luckily I don’t get paid by the second, but maybe I should? MONEYBOX OUT, ZITCHES

For your musical displeasure:

Repost of our previous. (Lyrics at the link-o)

Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Demo

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Matthew Yglesias Battle Rap Single Remix (courtesy of Mendacious D, original post here)

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The only think we fear now that the internet is disgusted with Our Matt is a backlash backlash. More mascara for the original lashes, here’s hoping they go for miles.

Why do we saw the same old with regard to Our Matt? Why do repeat ourselves?

I can’t get into the greatest nutpunches the world has received from this marginally successful yet hugely unlikeable pratfall on actual ideas and discourse. But Mattsplaining is STAGMC. Behold this recent and glistening work product. It doesn’t even make sense.

Charles and David Koch are reporting considering buying the Tribune Company (owners of the L.A. Times, the Chicago Tribune, the Baltimore Sun, and others) prompting a great Garance Franke-Ruta piece on why big city newspapers’ editorial staffs invariably lean left.

That said, I don’t see this as reason for skepticism about the merits of the Koch venture. It’s actually why it makes sense. The “liberal media” is, as Franke-Ruta argues, largely a product of the free market. Certain niches—talk radio and cable television—are very friendly to a conservative editorial product but others are not. Which is exactly why what conservative media needs is a couple of extremely rich people to buy a newspaper company and lose a ton of money building a great conservative media product.

After all, the big problem with right-leaning media in America isn’t that it doesn’t exist. It’s that it’s terrible. There is a large audience out there that’s so frustrated with the vile MSM that it’s happy to lap up cheaply produced content from Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity, and you can make lots of money serving that kind of thing up. By contrast, to build a great media company that’s top-to-bottom staffed with conservatives is going to be very expensive. The possible talent pool of great reporters is tilted toward liberals. The talent pool of great photographers and graphic designers is probably even more tilted toward liberals. Finding the great conservatives out there and hiring them is going to be relatively costly, and there’s no real economic point to doing so. Is your much worse cost structure going to get you a larger audience than Rush? No, it won’t. It’s a bad bet.
But the Kochs have plenty of money. If they want to see it happen, they can make it happen. And America would be better off for it.

Low-hanging fruit

Readers of the blog are well-aware already of our cordial distaste for the writings of one Matthew Yglesias, Slate’s “business and economics blogger,” a term of endearment and ridicule among the those who should know better (see: McArdle, Megan). One of his recent efforts is an attempt at lauding the business practices of the Apple Store, which employ “Geniuses” at the astronomical wage of $11 per hour. Behold the end of the first paragraph:

The converse of Apple Store workers not being rich despite the company’s success is that Sears & K-Mart workers don’t earn negative wages even though their company loses money.

The existence of layoffs is apparently not a thing at Slate (he said without irony). Also not included in an article titled, in part: “What if the Apple Store were the worst job around?” are the terms “minimum wage,” “outsourcing,” and “FoxConn.” We are not unopposed (THANK YOU ZOMBIE FOR GRAMMAR CORRECTION) to Apple products, but if MattY wishes to hold them up as a shining beacon of benevolent American capitalism, he might first try to live on under $25,000 like so many of his fellow Americans already do, and see how many of Apple’s stock shares ($580 each at the time of writing) his salary will allow him to purchase.

There is probably some irony in the fact that a company which provides their wares at a substantial markup while providing minimal benefits for their workers saw fit to employ someome to write about Apple.

We are also obliged to note that Cogitamus’ Sir Charles uses the term “Apple Slapping” in his post title discussing the subject. And so Filthbot arises again. This may have been the entire point of these introductory paragraphs. On to our actual appointed task:

1. fish: Everything is still fish’s fault. This will not be disputed.

2. A minor request: Pinko, via secret communication, wishes to be convinced one way or the other on the merits of Rush v. Japandroids. Our own sympathies in the matter are well-known, therefore we are recusing ourselves. However, others may present their arguments. As in Democracy, the only losers are those who take no side.

3. There is no third thing.

4. Almost immediate update! Someone in DorD adds:

What kind of fascist has effing MATH instead of a CAPTCHA? Are you trying to prove that we’re human, or that we didn’t go to an American public school?

Carry on.

The Yglesiasening

Here is what the critics are saying about our new battle rap subject at Amazon:

Austin O. Jones “Consumer-in-Chief”, says:

Whilst Mr. Yglesias should be well-versed on the sordid history of glory-holes and their ilk, I find his grasp of the subject to be disappointing. Add to that his talentless, pedantic “writing”, and you end up with a fairly inexpensive doorstop.

I love thinking about this guy using the Kindle version of MattYmunch’s book as a doorstop. “MAH KINDLE!!!!!!!!!! DOH!”

Mark Frutig writes:

While Matt used many of the words found in more promising works, the order in which they were used was disappointing.

While this is simply wonderful, the meanest part is that Mr. Frutig has seen fit to only write two reviews for books he has not read, Yggie’s and Jerry Sandusky’s. Ouchies.

nikkolai writes:

I’m guessing this guy has no economic training, much less real-life experience, at all. Look elsewhere for this type of advice.

I almost feel like it is too mean to speculate that this is a Breitbarty bull in a broken clock factory, at this or the other right time of day.

DeeDee does not sound convincing- I do wonder if Breitybartos maybe concoct spammagamma in their time away from their spare time writing about MattY:

Same old tired Liberal tropes. I’ve followed this author on the Blogs, and there is not much new here. Just a chance to monetize his opinions, I guess. Buyer beware.

I don’t feel convinced, but I really want to be! Do you also love my newsletter?

Someone named Andrew Bretibart makes us feel sad for MY, and this is quite hard [I bet Brando just thought “that’s what she said”]:

Awful, just awful.
The in depth description of anal probes on the space ship the author claims he went through..was too graphic.

T. Spaulding, in an extremely classy move, pushes us all the way into the Yglesias camp, for a mere moment before we destroy him with Battle Rap, with this statement, feeling the title of Matt’s book is too confusing:

Very disappointing. I thought it was titled “The Rent Boy Is Too Damn High: Tales From the Fire Island ER”.

Andrew Breitbart is Here.

I don’t get it! Where is Andrew LiteBriteBart? Is he in your homophobic cliché? Why not gild the lily? Perhaps the title was “Tales from the RNC closet inside the Judy Garland museum in KeyWestCastroSouthEndPTownChelsea”???

Courtesy of Mendacious D, willing this internet happenstance back to life, we relaunch our battle rap at MATTHEW YGLESIAS, may he have eventual solace from AB goons, but no solace from his own pet ard. Now with production values!

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Shorter Matthew Yglesias

Shorter Matthew Yglesias:

Conservatives think people should be punished for making the wrong choices. Since the current economic climate makes such punishment operationally* true, let’s make lemonade.

Matt suggests that these punishments are meted out for things like picking the wrong major, [maybe also glue sniffing???]. No evidence that these punishments are a universal feature of the economy, though term “vast majority” is bandied.

Bonus made up shorter:

Since the economy demands petroleum engineers, the right choice would be to become a petroleum engineer. The wrong choice would be to not accept a world in which you couldn’t be happy. My choices involved attending the most prestigious schools in the country and have the means and opportunities to do so, yet my success is defined by my hard work and valuable skills. Have I mentioned that my career is blogger, invite me to your panel. We’ll always have the Olive Garden.

Mirror universe Yglesias- TWO count ’em TWO neckbeards, plus goatee:

Credit where credit is due file, the trains do run on time

Or:

Standard of living in Ethiopia/Eritrea certainly would benefit from being brought to an Italian standard of living. It would be wise for progressives to concede this point to Mussolini.

Or:

Pretend

I’m Matthew Yglesias. I’ve said something terrible. Not difficult. BUT, since my MY commenting system is annoying, you can’t change your handle for hilarious ripostes. You can use this thread. I will start.