Monthly Archive for August, 2005

Pinko Punko is away for a week – Light posting ahead

We hope that those of you that come here for your daily fix of Pinko Punko will not be overly devastated. Please see blogroll on the side for suggestions of people that probably have a better blog anyway!

Also, we are accepting Song of the Day submissions. If you love a good song and want people to know about it, write up your review and send it to us. We will post the good ones and will probably post the bad ones as well. Be creative. We love hearing about songs that you love that we don’t know. Send all submissions to 3bulls at gmail dot com.

This post writes itself

–>From Freedom Camp and Norbiz:

ATTN: SUPERDOME RESIDENTS [Jonah Goldberg]I think it’s time to face facts. That place is going to be a Mad Max/thunderdome Waterworld/Lord of the Flies horror show within the next few hours. My advice is to prepare yourself now. Hoard weapons, grow gills and learn to communicate with serpents. While you’re working on that, find the biggest guy you can and when he’s not expecting it beat him senseless. Gather young fighters around you and tell the womenfolk you will feed and protect any female who agrees to participate without question in your plans to repopulate the earth with a race of gilled-supermen. It’s never too soon to be prepared.

The NROs Jonah Goldberg, everyone. He’ll be here all week, and for the rest of your foreseeable future. See, the Thunderdome crack might have been cute if people hadn’t died in the building, and hadn’t lost all their possessions and hadn’t already been probably the poorest of the city’s residents, so barring all of those real things, maybe this joke could have been funny at one point. Maybe this is why people think Americans are fat lazy slobs that don’t care about others’ welfare. They got Jonah pegged!

Mr. Sensitivity…

–>where were you when this atrocity was published in the Purdue paper? Perhaps you were helping liberals hug trees in a less smothering and touchy fashion.

Stinky trees ruin campus ambience

They looked at pictures and said, “Gee, that would make the campus look pretty.” I just wish they had thought far enough ahead to realize that although they look good, they smell like a Tarkington bathroom on a Saturday night. I can’t wait until the pokeberry trees by Class of 1950 start dropping their foul fruit and making the area smell like a fraternity’s front lawn. The poor landscaping choices, combined with the? West Lafayette funk, is almost too much.

Perhaps the tour group members I saw today scurrying across campus with their hands over their faces would provide the administration with enough motivation to plant something that doesn’t reek of excrement.

I find it very funny that Purdue has decided to ban smoking. Cigarette smoke doesn’t bother me, but wet butt stank does. Just because Purdue is full of unwashed enginerds doesn’t mean campus has to smell like one. Unlike smoking, I think this is an issue everyone can agree on, and I know I’m not the only one who has noticed the problem. Why don’t we replace some of the landscaping with something that looks good and doesn’t smell like the brown side of a homeless man’s pants?

Andrew Lowe
Sophomore, College of Technology

Sensitive? I think not. We are all in favor of snarky letters here at Three Bulls! and this guy had it going on until his last graf, but this cobag needs some sensitivity training, and I’m not talking about the trees, maroons. I forgot how Teh Funny homeless people were. I’m sure the ones Andy’s talking about are hypothetical, because they probably freeze to death in the Indiana winter every year, so they don’t blight his senses, and it probably was their fault anyway, right Andy? Purdue, climbing its way to the bottom of the Big 10 (and remember this Conference has Penn State and Ohio State- it’s a long way down, kids!).

PS. Can we get a name on Capt. Sensitive below?

Captain Bullshit to the rescue!

This man will sink to anything to get you out of your tight spot! Hand caught in the cookie jar? Dipping into the till? Etc? Etc? This fine, upstanding young gentleman will lie his ass of for you and your corporate gain, just give him a piece of your pie! See the video. Give massive props to Agius here. Anybody know this douchewad? I want to tell him how much I respect his massive evil cojones.

Update: Note the carefully knitted brow, and the presumably clenched anus. The disingenuous of the “we would if we could” defense actually trumps all other misdemeanors of these guys, and goes to a felony. Please oh please can this person have his words and likeness distributed over the internets!

Possums of all Political Spectra!

–>Regardless of how you feel about the gentleman’s action in this video I am directing you to, I 100% triple-dog dare you to try and defend Mr. Sensitivy’s BS. Watch the video and wait for the spokesman to appear with a ready-at-hand lecture, and with an honest face try to tell me a certain College Republican is not lying through his cornhole and has the creamiest of brown eyes because he is entirely full of s***. In a perfect world that guy would be the next “dog poop” girl and the unhappy beneficiary of 1000 crappy handj*bs because of his aversion to certain sexual antics outside of marriage.

Any Third Grade Three Bulls! In the House?

–>That would like to find an alternate explanation for this logical gem from the intellectual titans at The Corner? I know Professor Booty will giggle.

WORKERS WANT EXPLOITATION? [Jonathan H. Adler]
The WSJ reports that getting a job at the new Wal-Mart in Oakland, California “was statistically tougher than getting into Harvard, with 12,000 applicants for 400 jobs.” I wonder how the anti-Wal-Mart crowd would explain this one.
Posted at 06:40 PM

QED, cobags, Q-E-D.

How Come Iron Maiden Didn’t Get a Slot In Your Self-Promoting Concert? I’m sure Helloween was available too.

Last article for awhile on how much Pitchfork sucks, but they have flungeth this obstacle into the path of Cookie Jesus, and it must be addressed.

Pitchfork jumps the shark.

The wacky, America-hating Pitchfork attacks Judas Priest by not mentioning them at all in their article about a different band, Iron Maiden. How could they perpetrate such an atrocity? Some back story on Iron Maiden: These guys are my friend’s fave band. They write songs about Dune, Edgar Allen Poe, Greek mythology, Phantom of the Opera, Egyptian stuff, the TV show the Prisoner, old weird movies like The Wicker Man. Possibly Lord of the Rings. The songs are 10 minutes long, and they now feature three guitarists. The lead singer sings in the prototypical Heavy Metal “out of his range” range. The Spinal Tap move of the guitarists playing in unison, phallic guitar thrust over the audience, one knee up on the monitor- that’s a Steve Harris (bassist) original. Steve also sings along un-miced because he’s the songwriter. If you don’t already like this stuff, I can pretty much guarantee that this would be a huge “what the ????? after your Arcade Fire or The Shins shuffle onto “Two Minutes to Midnight”.

They introduced prog into metal. They are the epitome of bloat, but their fans love it and their merch is super cool especially when you are a kid in junior high and you see that one 9th grader that has a different Maiden shirt for every day of the week- your fave- “Piece of Mind”, no- “Aces High”, no “Powerslave”! Still talking about shirts. The prog and technical influence of this band opened the door for faster and harder bands, but as with prog, form overrides function. I like these guys just fine, mostly because my friend loves ’em, and its fun to be into what he’s into, but for Pitchfork to essentially shit on this stuff for years and years trying to be the cool kids, now saying “it’s OK. It’s a 7.5.” They should burn in hell. All this time they have been pretending to be hipster douchewads, yet now they reveal themselves to be no better than the rest of the long hair, D and D playing math kids (some of my friends), that went for the prog metal instead of the cock rock. Oh, and they completely malign Judas Priest by a failure to mention them. The silence is deafening. When they don’t mention Judas Priest tomorrow, it will be more evidence that they hate America.

Oh, all your favorite Iron Maiden “Spong Bob” covers here– part of a terribly gone wrong marketing campaign to bring metal to a new generation. Up the Irons, Squidward!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Self-styled “The Hottest Young Conservative Writing on The Internets”

–>and all-around internet gaddabout, Yosef, drops this ever-loving turd into our midst. YOU MUST CLICK THIS LINK. And after you have done so, you will want to give Yosef a noogie, but you can’t because he has moved his bat-cave this weekend, and is staying one step ahead of the Mother and Father Of All Wedgies (MAFOAW). And Maybe A Swirlie Too (AMAST).

That is all. Return to your business.

Friday Music Pooper Shooter


–>

Mixed bag as usual, for your reading enjoyment.

1. Fleeting Mind-Ocean Colour Scene
“Dadrock” brits with white boy soul singer and Paul Weller idolizing guitarist. From Moseley Shoals. This song is meh, but this album has three awesome songs, no matter how uncool. 5/10

2. Sympathy Wreath-Barbara Manning
SF indie stalwart. Indie pop rocks made me buy compliation used at the best record store in the world, Amoeba Music. This song is meh. 4/10

3. Are Friend’s Electric-Gary Numan
Discussed previously here. America’s deficit/0.1. One of my fave songs for some reason. Listening to it now makes me type like a robot. Infinity/10

4. We Are Mice-Azure Ray
Sometimes they sound like the girl version of whispered Elliot Smith with a little different production, less rickety maybe. This is one of those. This is a good song, and somehow sounds super sad. From Hold On Love 7/10

5. Song For My Sugar Spun Sister-Stone Roses
The Stone Roses self-titled is full of songs that sound all nice but are actually mean and spiteful. This one might actually not be one of them, meaning it might be nice and dreamy as it sounds. Let’s go to the tape. Hmm, indecisive. Could be singing to a whore and something about Parliament tripping on glue. 9/10

6. Nowhere Again-The Secret Machines
I don’t care that this song references a band or playing an instrument. This song is awesome. Just slick enough production to make it perfect for a Bruckheimer movie or maybe the orgy scene in some CSI episode right before the sexually exploitative snuff film that is the heart of that show, because there is something scuzzy underneath this song, but it is just a mood, the band marches on above it all. Here’s a taste:

another alone on an everyday night
I think in the morning I think I’ll be alright
watching the blood flow
no wonder I dont know why

theres a woman in the mirror in a firey state
she motions to me I start pulling away
she’s lifting her dress up
all the way up

oh don’t look surprised
erased

our lives
erased

our lives
erased

10/10.

7. Cut Me Down-Lloyd Cole and the Commotions
They have so many better songs than this one. I just don’t love it. But you forgot this Scouse songster even existed, so a +1 coolness point. 7/10

8. Lazy Feet 23-Earlimart
Sounds a little Elliot Smith with the whsipered lyrics, but the weirdo squiggles in the background recall Grandaddy, with whom these guys have been linked, both musically and geographically (California central valley). 6/10

9. On Your Own-The Verve
Yawn. I don’t know. Just don’t love it. Except when it gets all insitent and falsetto at the end. Nice save Richard Ashcroft and Co! 7/10

10. Dirty Epic-Underworld
This is probably in the club scene in 500 bad movies. Not their best but the dance kids probably love it. Sub tubular bells blah. Talking nonsense lyrics. Not as annoying as “Born Slippy”, but close. 6/10

Party Shuffle hates me. Maybe I have too much crap on here. I should cheat like the Uncanny One.

Pitchfork Rebuttal Corner

–>Pitchfork is an indier than thou musical e-zine that takes pride in reviewing albums you’ve never heard and referencing other bands you’ve never heard in said reviews. It’s OK for them to like someone ironically, but not you, that makes you a douchebag. In honor of the new New Pornographers album Twin Cinema, which Pitchfork recently raved about, we compare their first two albums. See the loser at Pitchfork took part of his review to kind of crap on their second album, which most people might not be able distinguish from their first. See, the Douchefork reviewer probably listened to his free copy once in the limo on the way to the airport from some music industry junket to SXSW while doing a couple last lines of blow off the joint Can/Boredoms limited colored vinyl 12″- Finnish of course, the one that was packaged with the fake Warhol plastic eskimo pie, you know the one.

Cross-posted at Song of the Day.
Uncanny is doing the odds, Pinko is doing the evens as we compare the “inferior”, according to Pitchfork, sophomore New Pornographers album Electric Version with the “superior” Mass Romantic. Uncanny’s call in orange, Pinkos in red. Tell us what of your faves Pitchfork have murdered, or what pieces of crap they gave a perfect 10.0 to, or what they actually got right in comments!

MR 1. Mass Romantic – Title track, so you know it’s going to be good. AND, it’s a Neko Case lead vocal. Even better is hearing her voice soar above the chorus. Great driving guitar. There is also an excellent transitionary part sweet harmonizing. And the signature ending canon that sounds nothing like the rest of the track until you realize that it is a perfect mesh with the whole song.

EV 1. The Electric Version – Uh oh, another title track. This is going to be close. These tracks are actually very similar rhythmically, although the drumming is more prominent. Not a Neko lead, but same awesome Neko during the chorus. They even have the same vocal dissolution ending. Edge: Push Mass Romantic

MR 2. The Fake Headlines- Awesome, less hyper more of a slow burn (for them, meaning just normal up-tempo). Can’t quite tell if Neko sings on this one, backing vocals obscured on my computer.

EV 2. From Blown Speakers- Similar tempo, very similar tempo to the above. Better synthesis between Neko and Carl- you can hear her, she is integrated into the song, even though just backing. Soft bit in the middle. Totally awesome. Edge: Electric Version Electric Version

MR 3. The Slow Descent Into Alcoholism – An incredibly fun and upbeat song. It keeps getting stronger as Neko and Carl start to sing together. The words are also very fun. One of the three strongest tracks on the CD. It even has the whole gigantic song change

EV 3. The Laws Have Changed – Very good track, but not one of the best. As usual, Neko’s voice transcends everything else on the track. It is the closest thing that a NP gets to being repetitive, which is just barely. But the winner of clear. Edge: Mass Romantic Mass Romantic

MR 4. Mystery Hours. Just a complete hyper blast, although not close the strongest track on the album.

EV 4. The End of Medicine. Probably the weakest track on EV, just does not stand out. Edge: Mass Romantic. Electric Version

MR 5. Jackie – Fun song and by NP standard’s kind of midtempo. The lyrics are fun and have creative words and rhyming couplets. The chorus is better than the main tune, but the best part awaits the fugue near the end of the song to the words “You gonna stop the sunshine”. That blows me away every time! It’s short and perfect.

EV 5. Loose Translation – Also a midtempo song and not one of the best tracks. It has a fun assortment of keyboard bleeps and some nice harmonizing, but actually is kind of a bit plain. Edge: Mass Romantic Mass Romantic

MR 6. Letter From An Occupant. We illustrate:

I’m told the eventual downfall/
is just a bill from the restaurant/
You told me I could order the moon, babe/
just as long as I shoot what I want/
What the last ten minutes have taught me/
bet the hand that your money’s on/
Where the hell have the ’70s brought me?/
You trade me away long gone/
For the love of a god, you say/
not a letter from an occupant/
The time that your enemy gives you/
good times are not the ones you want/
I cried five rivers on the way here/
which one will you skate away on?/
The tune you’ll be humming forever/
all the words are replaced and wrong/
with a shower of yeahs and whatevers/
you trade me away long gone/
For the love of a god, you say/
not a letter from an occupant/
Where have all the sensations gone?/
It’s the song, the song, the song that’s shaking me/
It’s the song, the song, the song that’s shaking me/
It’s the song, the song, the song that’s shaking me/

What???? Such glorious nonsense and the song totally calls what it does to you in the song. Remember you only know the words because I told you.

EV 6. Chump Change. It almost doesn’t matter, but in this case it is not quite fair, “Chump Change” is a Dan Bejar tune, and it is fashionable in some Pitchfork circles to crap on the Bejar contribs to NP, while when someone else reviews Bejar’s other group, Destroyer, they claim to love it. Typical Pitchfork douchery. Bejar’s tunes break up the album, but in a good way. Edge: Mass Romantic Mass Romantic

MR 7. To Wild Homes – Not one of my favourite tracks on this CD. It’s kind of loud and without that much clarity. The final chorus is kind of nice, but the only really very good part of this song.

EV 7. All for Swinging Around You – Classic sounding NP. Also a Neko Case lead. It’s a good comparison to Wild Homes, because it has similar melodic features, but is so much more advanced sounding and interesting. Not the best EV song, but still great. Edge: Electric Version Electric Version

MR 8. The Body Says No. A typical madcap blast as per their usual, a fun song.

EV 8. The New Face of Zero and One. Pretty straighforward until this sublime linear guitar meander takes over at the end and the song breaks down and goes to a different, amazing place, a place that kills in concert, and as soon as it starts it is gone, also hides some cool percussion in the very back. Edge: Electric Version Electric Version

MR 9. Execution Day – This is the very first NP song I ever heard, and it is still a mysterious song to me. Most of the song seems to be telling some kind of story that I don’t get. But the song transcends halfway in the Execution Day part. The slower moving Wrens-y guitar line works so well with the singing style.

EV 9. Testament to Youth in Verse – This isn’t going to be close, because this is the single greatest NP song ever!!!! The words are hysterical and the musical buildup is excellent. All that makes it an amazing song. But then out of nowhere they break into a capella singing a round of “The bells ring no no no no” and it keeps growing. Then it Neko joins and it keeps growing! Then the bells become more prominent and the voices add! Then the persistent piano comes in and the drums. And finally everything at once. It’s a veritable musical orgasm! Edge: Electric Version Electric Version

MR 10. The Centre for Holy Wars. Most Sesame Street intro of all NP songs, super fun, but poor integration of Neko, it’s like she’s just sauce, when we all know she’s more than that. Kind of repetitive, but has a nice little breakdown, the kind they do so well.

EV 10. The Divine Right. Perhaps the only NP song that could be too long. More straight ahead, prominent guitars not dressed in synths. Edge: Push. Mass Romantic

MR 11. The Mary Martin Show – Great great song. Right off the bat, the Carl Newman singing style sounds different and amusing. Everything seems hammed up in this song including the fake brassy synths.

EV 11. Ballad of a Comeback Kid – Great great song. It also has one of my favourite NP lyrics: “Everything was fine until membership lost its privileges”. Normally, this would be a push, except the chorus of this song is a bit better, and it has the sentimental part near the end. Screw it, just the “Bat out of hell” lyric makes this song better. Edge: Electric Version Push

MR 12. Breakin’ the Law. Not a Judas Priest cover. A woozy, lurching album closer. A great great tune.

EV 12. July Jones. A little bit of a reggae beat done in crunch guitar, midtempo, sets you up for the unexpected amazing album closer “Miss Teen Wordpower” as this song almost feels like a relaxed downshift before they kill you again. Edge: Mass Romantic, but not a fair matchup Mass Romantic

EV 13. Miss Teen Wordpower – It doesn’t matter what song Mass Romantic has to go against this. It has the perfect Neko/Carl song play. And the coolest lyric “Because nobody knows the wreck of the soul the way that you do”. Besides, the topic of this song is amazing. This should be the best song on the CD, except for the ungodly awesomeness of Testament. Regardless. Edge: Electric Version Electric Version [this counts for EV because it is better than every song on MR except “Letter…”]

1 point for each vote, 0.5 for a push, what do you know. 13.5-13.5. A total tie. And what album do I listen to more- Electric Version by far, more varied, clearer production, more sophisticated, more cohesive.