Monthly Archive for September, 2005

Page 2 of 9

Three Bulls! issues fatwa

against the Big Kat.

No, not Andres Galarraga, this:

It’s first and foremost offense against Three Bulls! is the fact that it is now occupying (and brutally so) the slot reserved for Take Five in the basement candy machine. The Big Kat occupying force must be destroyed, and the usually preferred method of “break” “me” “off” “a” “piece” “of” “that” “Kit” “Kat” “bar” is ineffective against this monstrosity. It is the greatest of the Great Satans. And it must be vanquished.

Nerdblog Thunderdome

–>We thought better of our nefarious plot to strand Fulsome of Well-rounded Nerds in the urine-soaked Tenderloin of San Francisco, and retrieved him from the false address we had slipped him for the Thai-food and New Pornographers fest. We had parachuted in with the Three Bulls! mobile from points unknown. We had several goals in mind for the evening. One of them was Thai House Express’ #40. The Uncanny One can vouch for this dish. Basically Thai carnitas. Maybe I’m a little pork obsessed, but I would guarantee Yosef would offer me a duel for the last hunk, and he’s a pork aficionado.

After deciding to spare Fulsome’s life, we settled into a pretty good Thai meal at the corner of Geary and Larkin in SF. In addition to Three Bulls! sacrament #40, Tom Yum Goong (shrimp hot and sour soup) was pretty good. Other standouts were a minced duck salad with lime and cilantro (hey, Iron Fist, before you criticise a) try it, b) don’t have such a cobaggy handle). The grilled beef salad was pretty good, and the green curry was OK, but should have melted my head off, and my head was distinctly unmelted. Pla Rad Som (Salmon fried with house special sauce and crispy basil was meh). We then proceeded to go to the show- The New Pornographers with Destroyer and Immaculate Machine.

Destroyer was interesting. Destroyer is basically Dan Bejar from the New Pornographers and people he gets to play with him. In this case it was the drummer and bassist from the NPs and another guy on guitar. He didn’t play anything from his casiotone last album, much to the chagrin of the crowd. He also doesn’t say a word to anyone really. The songs were pretty good, but my feeling was it would have been awesome if they were New Pornographerasized. Show started way early so we missed most of the opener’s set. This is the band that Carl Newman’s niece plays in (and she plays with NPs now too). Their last song “You’re So Cynical” was pretty good.

As for the NPs. Well, they are consumate pros. They are gonna give you a show and Fulsome and I tried to out nerd each other for pogoing and showering the band with love. I saw Fulsome look below Neko’s voicebox a couple of times, bashfully of course, contrary to his stated take. She’s way too much for anyone with a webpage, but they do right by their fans just the same. Besides a pedal prob of Carl’s the sound was great, I didn’t have to put my earplugs in, and the sound wasn’t muddied or trebly at all. Of all the shows I’ve been too at Bimbo’s they had their sound the most right (I’m looking at you The Walkmen).

All the new songs were awesome, the crowd was well behaved if a little docile, the band probably bantered too much (not that they werenot entertaining, they broke Fulsome’s heart by axing “Jessica Numbers” after aborting starting it a couple of times because of Steve Perry banter.

Set list for the show, Sept. 27 at the Bimbo’s 365 club on Columbus in North Beach.

Song (album)
Twin Cinema (TC)
Use It (TC)
From Blown Speakers (EV)
Mass Romantic (MR)
Judy JACKIE (god, I have Judy Miller ont he BRAIN) Dressed in Cobras (TC)
The Bones of an Idol (TC)*
The Body Says No (MR)
The Bleeding Heart Show (TC)
The Laws Have Changed (EV)
Broken Beads (TC)
Streets of Fire (TC)
The Fake Headlines (MR)
It’s Only Divine Right (EV)
Bones of an Idol (TC)
All for Swinging You Around (EV)
My Slow Descent into Alcoholism (MR)
Sing Me Spanish Techno (TC)
Execution Day (MR)
Letter From an Occupant (MR)
Breaking the Law (MR)

Miss Teen Wordpower (EV)
Star Bodies (TC)
Electric Version (EV)
Testament to Youth In Verse (EV)

UPDATE Views on the next night’s show at Bimbo’s here and here. Playa hatin’ here.

*Somebody ruined this song by dropping the stankiest ass fart EVER. It did not smell like a Thai food fart, so I absolve our party of wrongdoing. It smelled like evil and death.

This should be basically correct, (Fulsome- do you remember the second encore is as I have it? I put away my VWR marker at that point- there is a possibility of “Broken Beads” and “Star Bodies” being mixed up, but I don’t think so). Most requested song not played: “The New Face of Zero and One” (which is a bummer because it’s great live)

Most missed out: “Falling Through Your Clothes”, “Stacked Crooked”

Only disappointment: the guitar sound on “The Bones of an Idol” that Prof. Booty loves wasn’t nearly as slide-y and didn’t quite hit it, kind of like Radiohead only hits that awesome guitar part at the end of “The Bends” (“I wanna live, breathe, I wanna be part of the human race…”) 50% of the time.

Obviously the only annoying thing was the lame audience trying to have a rapport with the band. There were a million requests shouted etc. And some girl repeating some Canadian free health care “joke”. I admit I yelled out “Testament” when there was one song left and Carl asked “any requests?” but only after someone else did, and what do you know, they played it, so not too shabby. It is a crowd favorite. I wish they would milk it live with the “no no no no no” at the end, but they play the exact same number as on the record, but it was great to hear Bejar sing it. Surprsingly the Bejar numbers almost seemed more popular than the Neko “hits” as Carl calls them. “Jackie Dressed in Cobras” might be song of the year after hearing it live, and “Star Bodies” totally killed.

As for total nerdburger-dom, Fulsome ain’t got shit on Pinko Punko, I was undercover as internet cobag, so I sang along (quietly) to all songs and was jumping up and down, trying to unblock my arteries and have a good time.

Thank You Bacon Jesus!*

–>Where have you been all my life? How I needed thou whenst attacked by the vicious murine insurgent yesterday! If this were scratch and sniff I truly would be dead and in the land of milk and honey rivers. Chip passes the info to us, and we receive it like manna from heaven.
Although I think Gregor should refrain unless he wants PupH to chew his booboo off in his sleep. Also this company is officially the best company ever as they have categories for “bacon/meat” “monkeys” “sushi” “catapults” and EFFING “PIRATES!!!!” and even this!!!
WHAT THE EFF? My fave store ever! (Sorry Tease ‘N Keys!)

*Bacon Jesus is a wholly owned subsidiary of Cookie Jesus. We also take a moment to thank Cookie Jesus for the Take Five bar.

Three Bulls Health Corner, Episode 1

–>The Random Randroid has a hard time with the internets, although he actually owns an internet company. Let’s just file this under the category of Cornelius Vanerbilt possibly not knowing how a train works. Anyhoo, the RR is undertaking a lifestyle change that appears might be relevant for the Three Bulls! demographic, based on our market research.

The RR writes to us:

I received the first seriously (if not urgently) bad health news of my life. My cholestorol is 237, with a bad HDL/LDL ratio (6 to 1). A couple of years ago I had been in the 190 area – borderline but manageable. Mon pere has cholestorol issues. We don’t know if my grandfather or great-grandfather did, but based on their life outcomes it seems pretty likely. So now I’m facing an uphill battle.

As I viewed this increase to be unacceptable, I sought medical attention. Since we don’t want to do medication – first we try “lifestyle modification” – I was put on this crap diet and told to exercise a lot more.

So, at the age of 30-ish, I face the tradeoff – eat well but experience my first “incident” in my 50s, or live a long life of oatmeal? Pinko knows that I favor Existence over Life, so my first attempt will be to stick with the diet. I’m starting it today and man, it sucks. This diet f’ing sucks. How does a man in America live on 1800 calories a day? Since when is 5 Triscuits a “snack”? Jesus, this will be hard.

Highest cholesterol (I’m looking at you Mr. Deep-dried Take 5 bar) wins a Three Bulls! branded Quaker oatmeal tub (seriously). Let’s see those numbers in comments.

Special Guest Post by PupH

I’m so hungry. All I dream about all day long is food but Samsa never feeds me. I’m left searching the interwebs looking for pictures of food but never have I seen a picture so scrumpsdelidelicious as this:

KAT PIE!!!!!! Oh it makes my mouth water just thinking about it! But not just any KAT but a special lil’ KAT named Mason. Mason looks like Audrey Hepburn except he’s a KAT and he looks so delicious and filling. *pant pant*

(Editor’s Note: Mason is the cat of the brilliant and beautiful HooHawes and her consort HubbyHawes). While we concur with PupH’s considered opinion that Mason is imminently pie-worthy we certainly would never condone such action on PupH’s part.)

DOUBLE UPDATE: Did PupH just Pie-blog? For more pie-blogging check the worlds only (other) source: here, here, here, here, here, here, here. IT IS THE FAFBLOG>

Delay Indicted!!!

–>Oh my golly! Someone please arrange a care package filled with PB slices and Pringles Prints! He will be hard pressed to spread PBandJ with a plastic knife and he will need Prof. P to help him work out in the yard!

The Most Important News Item EVER

3B! loves food.

Honestly. After the post about putting stuff on cats became a discussion on the finer points of the delicious Take 5 candy bar, it hit me. It hit me like a diamond. A diamond bullet right to the brain. Everyone at this site loves food! All 7 of us 3 Bulls, the lovely Geenie Cola, all the esteemed commenters, and fulsome! We just love food. All kinds of food. I mean, Delish or Disgusting, a site which is loosely related to 3B! somehow (sorry, PP. I haven’t read that page in the 3B! manifesto you sent me) is all about food (Spoiler Alert: it’s all delicious!)

So when I came across this story on, I knew this could be the new most important story ever (unless Ben Affleck becomes a senator in Va.)

Just imagine: a giant vat of marinara sauce, placed ever so lovingly beside a never-ending supply of…

A heck of a lot of Calamari!

For PupH: Decline of the Redneck Riviera (don’t forget from the enchanting Stephanie “for your login needs…

When you’re smilin’, the whole world smiles with you

Hey, Pinko, cheer up and go look at this

Brad and Gavin wouldn’t know what to do with that site.

Greetings from Mexico!!!@!1!

Wherein true cobaggery is defined.

I received this thoughtful e-mail from F.M. Asshat, still trapped and still syphilis-addled somewhere in Mexico. Most of the message and the attached pictures are just too filthy to share but here’s a little snippet:

…This is a picture of the courtyard of the hotel were I’m staying!! It’s called El Cárcel de Locos witch sounds very romantic but let me tell you this place is el dumpo LOL!1! I only want to show it to you because the Enfermeras tell me that the graffiti is very pro BUSH!!1!! If even the Spainish love Dear Leader its’ disgusting that you LIBRUL NANCY BOYZ are so disrespectful!!!!!.!!1! SO EAT IT!!!!@1…

…BTW the Enfermas call me “ jefe pinche cobagerismo chignon,” which they tell me means strong and handsome muscle man in American so you guys can justSUCKit!!1!….

Delightful isn’t he?

I Was Just Over at Some Super Smart Person Bog

–>You can tell by the name “Reasoned Audacity“. Anyhoo, why do they always have names like that? “Seasoned Perspicacity” “Incontinent Globality” “Stultified Mustard” “Cudgeled Brainstem”.

I had to comment because the very important topic of the Pepsico CEO eating at the White House. Apparently nothing is more un-American than Pepsi (even though Branson, MO is a total Pepsi town). I mean they sponsor Jeff Gordon (head over to TBOGG for some roundabout linkies), right? Anyway, because the way they worky comments over there at Incarcerated Perspiration is that you can’t really do it, they gots to get screened, I had to post this here. They totally cast aspersions against chocolate-cardamom-mango-cashew ice cream. Now, obviously that would be like eating a mouthful of al Zarqawi’s insurgent whip, but you know it probably would be pretty good.

I was all:

“I hate to tell ya, but that ice cream is probably pretty good. I had some cardamom-fig-mango ice cream at an Afghani place once and it was yummy. Don’t you think, BTW, that this is possibly the lamest topic to be posting on, besides the yummy ice cream?”

UPDATE: if this is some total guerrila marketing by Coke, hats off guys, you’ve taken cynical to a new level. Charmaine the shill is genius! I mean, thank Gee oh Dee that P-line is on the train (holla, Michelle, Tameka and Tanya!) railing against Pepseroni, I mean it’s like they are torturing us. P-line stands up to torture (yeah yeah, it’s old news, whatev). Classy.