Monthly Archive for November, 2005

PupH Humbly Suggests

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The anteater for all your pestilence eradication needs. I’m not sure about the rats and mice but I’m sure you could train one to eat those too.

Just no more cats OK? Geesh. Thanks so much. This has been a special guest post by PupH

Proof that I am, in fact, THYCWOTI

“…the rich, tree-hugging, laser-shooting-at-crystals-in-the-Puget-sound, limp-wristed, liberal elitists who were educated at liberal arts, Ivy league schools…”They’re X-RAYS, GA’DAMMIT!! (Feckin’ lasers – sheeee-it.)

And my wrists are as stiff as a couple of 3LB beef sticks!! Turgid even!!!

And it isn’t Ivy that leaps to mind when thinking about Humboldt State.
jexter | Homepage | 11.29.05 – 4:39 pm | #

Jex, all I hear is lasers.
Yosef | Homepage | 11.29.05 – 4:58 pm | #

GAAAAAAHHHHRHRRRRR!!!!!!!
X-RAYS! MMMMRRRRMMPH-SPITTLE-RAZZZZZERRRRSPAAAAZZZLE!!!!!!

X-[Bubble]-MA[bubbl]IN-RAAAAAAAAAYYYYYSSSS!

Keeeeeeeeeeee-riiiist. Your making my head hurt.
jexter | 11.29.05 – 5:21 pm | #

Your making my head hurt

What other hot young conservative writers on the internets can do that with only a couple of comments?

One Thing About Sitemeter


Yeah yeah, we just got the “hos sucking c*ck” hit. And I just insured we’re gonna get like 800 more by typing that sentence. What I watned to discuss was the fact that some people actually e-mail their friends Three Bulls! links. I AM JUST DYING TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING.

Is it:

A) “Waste some ATP (that’s the cell’s energy currency, folks) and click on this douchey link, PZ!”

That would be weird.

B) “Here’s that kitten picture you wanted, Editors.”

C) “Well, this is all I could find for “hos sucking c*ck” on MSN search. It should be spankable, I guess, Yosef.”

Yosef thinks: “I just got sent a link to my own secret blog??? TOTALLY META!!!!!! I wanted porn. Wah wah.”

D) ?

What should (D) be, and you can totally blog-whore in comments. Oh great, I just used the word whore. MSN search just can’t tell the difference!

These Bastards

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Are probably going for my toothbrush right now. Yes, friends, we haven’t even told you about the rats, and we’re already behind on pests. This month’s invasion: ANTS! Awesome! And we live in a really nice place (no, seriously, there’s nothing to complain about except mice, rats and ants).

Also, the answers to the song contest are at Song of the Day, here and here.

To Be the Man, You’ve Got To BEAT the MAN! WOOOO!!

And that other driver was obviously the man, so I beat him!

Woo?

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Ric! How has the Nature Boy been? I haven’t heard from you since your son got charged for assault during a High School Wrestling match. Did you ever finish teaching him the difference between wrestling and rasslin’?

WOOO!!

I know what you mean Ric. “Woo” indeed! But what’s this latest news I hear? Is it another excuse for the rich, tree-hugging, laser-shooting-at-crystals-in-the-Puget-sound, limp-wristed, liberal elitists who were educated at liberal arts, Ivy league schools and now live in the Northeast, to hold you down?

Ric Flair is accused of road rage.

A 29-year-old driver claims the professional wrestling legend got out of his vehicle on Interstate 485 in Charlotte on Wednesday, grabbed him by the neck and then kicked the door of his sport utility vehicle.

“The Nature Boy” told the Observer on Monday that it didn’t happen that way. “I didn’t do anything wrong at all,” Flair said in a telephone interview from Cleveland. “As usual, I will be exonerated.”

Charlotte-Mecklenburg police said the charges stem from an incident that took place about 6:30 p.m. on the day before Thanksgiving. The driver told police Flair grabbed him, leaving two bruises on his neck, and then kicked the driver’s side door of his Toyota 4Runner, leaving a large dent.

On Friday, a magistrate issued warrants charging Flair with injury to personal property and simple assault and battery, both misdemeanors. Julia Rush, a Mecklenburg Sheriff’s Office spokeswoman, said Monday the warrants had not been served.

The platinum-blond Flair has been in trouble with the law before. In his book, “To Be The Man,” he writes about getting 82 moving violations in four years. He has also been sued for allegedly harassing attendants on a charter flight.

Said Flair: “It’s nice to be Ric Flair 95 percent of the time.”

From the Observer

Ric, all I’ve got to say is “Look at me, learn to love me, ’cause I’m the hottest young conservative writer on the internets today! WOOOOOO!!!

The Mean Streets

Three Bulls! love for the three-legged dog is well-documented. Fun-loving high-spirited and emotionally manipulative they brighten even the most somber day.

But the three-legged cat is a rare beast – only two have been known to me. The first was a sad pitiable critter that demanded constant attention to the point where it had to be carried from the sofa to the litter box to the food bowl to the sofa. The only task its owners didn’t perform was the licking of the three lonely little paws. So sad and oh so fawned upon.

The second, Kitty Kattwood, is a spunky little girl (all cats are girls to me) that loves the streets and lives for danger. In various states of delirium I imagine the adventures and missions of Kitty Kattwood as a private eye or an international spy. These dreams, like many of my thoughts, are only funny to me. So if you see me out, chuckling to myself, and ask me why, and I start to explain, and you just don’t get it, and I look ashamed and stunned like the bunny in the headlights, just walk away, and leave me to dreams of Kitty Kattwood Riding Her Banana bike on the mean streets looking for trouble but finding only love. (by E. Atwood from the Mystery Art Bage)

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Dear Internet Please Feel Free to Steal these Kat Pics!

Posted in honor of Jexter’s Cat Haikus.
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On the History of Three Bulls!


In response to an AMAZING joke at LGF:

Oh Jeezus. That one did not just make the brain cell joke. I didn’t just read that.

I LOVE THE BRAIN CELL JOKE. GET THAT KID ON CARSON. PRONTO.

funny story. I’m sitting around with the original three bulls! myself, the nutter and the randroid. so we go to Wendy’s and the nutter is kind of a cheap bastard, and the randroid who also happens to be a rich rich bastard (a rich, libertarian randian, shocker!) and the nutter had ordered, what arguably was the smallest kiddie order of fries I have ever seen. seriously, it was like two fries. great value, dude. you saved 17 cents. anyway, the randroid just wouldn’t let it go (he’s a joke repeater BTW, no such thing as original material, and won’t let any sublimity lie, has got to ruin any good joke by killing it). and he keeps asking the nutter “so could there possibly be a smaller size fry than that. seriously, nutter, could there physically be a smaller size. I don’t think that’s possible. and the nutter finally just loses it and says “jon (the randroid), there IS a smaller size, it’s called Jon’s penis size.”

and that joke has only once been equaled in the history of comedy or even language, and it happened tonight, on LGF, and I bow my head in reverence.

Posted by: Pinko Punko | September 24, 2005 09:42 AM

Alert

Some smart dude is hanging around Three Bulls! and as usual we have our pants down. Could somebody please subsume something under the rubric of something else, and quickly? Also, start capitalizing crap, etc. Latin is Good, just not the usual collacabo et pedicabo te stuff. Dirty birds.

UPDATE, I screwed up my Latin.

I meant “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo”

Beat Seitz at the Musical Quote


We have two quotes today. The goal is to beat Seitz on guessing the bands responsible for the lyrics, or at least having a better guess than Seitz.

Quote 1:
“I saw the worst bands of my generation/applied with magic marker to drywall”

Quote 2″
“It’s not the band I hate/it’s their fans”

Also, in comments, please suggest bands that fit those descriptions.

Possibly a prize. Please say whether you Googled or not.